Pursuit
by cc1989
Summary: Olivia Benson is a state trooper and Alex Cabot is a former San Antonio ADA. Alex gets caught up in the drug cartel, her parents are brutally murdered, and she makes a dramatic escape after her kidnapping. Olivia gets thrown in the mix when she pulls Alex over for speeding. But all is not as it seems.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N - Hello again readers! This is exciting.. a brand new story to share with everyone! And I'm mostly finished with the whole thing. That means minimal waiting for updates! Okay, so this story will probably have lots of triggers. I'll try and make sure to warn for each chapter that happens, but if I mess up and miss one, I'm terribly sorry. I will try to update a chapter a day once I get them all edited and acceptable._

_So, first of all - these characters belong to NBC and not me and I'm just making stuff up about them for no monetary gain. _

_Next of all - Trigger warnings for the entire story - swearing, rape, attempted suicide, drugs, abuse, self-harm, discussions of sex, pregnancy, blood, violence, kidnapping, death. _

**(Monday June 3rd)**

Enough is enough. Alex wipes the blood from her mouth, blinks several times at the burning sweat dripping in her eyes and stands up. A thousand needling pinpricks stab her feet, her numb feet she hasn't walked on in two days, and her legs shake as she tries to steady herself. She rests her hands on her knees for a moment, and a quick sweep of the room tells her what she had already guessed, that her shoes for some reason are gone. Her bare feet whisper against the dusty cement floor as she sways and wobbles precariously to the door.

It's early in the morning and the men were up late drinking the night before, their whoops and wild antics still pound in her ears. Her own body is suffering from the variety of alcohol they'd forced her to drink and it's no wonder they're all asleep right now.

They think she's unconscious, they've let their guard down for a rare moment, and her only opportunity to take advantage is right now. It's a risk. There's the possibility that someone might see her, that they might grab her and drag her back down here for more beatings and more verbal abuse and more . . . Alex shakes her head quickly, vowing not to think of that for now. But shaking her head isn't good. It hurts. Along with every other muscle and organ in her body.

She ignores the dried blood caked on the inside of her jeans and down the front of her once white shirt, focusing instead on the task at hand, on opening the door as silently as possible and checking left and right. The hallway is empty, but she can't help feeling this is too easy. It must be around six or seven in the morning and her stomach rumbles in response. It's been awhile since she's been given anything to eat. Glancing down at her watch, she remembers when she sees the bare skin, it's gone. They took that from her along with her shoes and almost everything else. But her wallet, now stripped of cash and her credit cards, is still in her pocket. In the main room, she passes several snoozing men strewn about on filthy couches and sleeping bags. The creaking fan spins uselessly overhead in an almost hypnotic pattern. That sight is something she won't miss.

Outside, still no one has stopped her and the sun is just coming up, just peeking its face over a distant hill to the east. And it's still. There's no wind and no sounds save for the Doppler effect-type sounds of the highway nearby. The caliche rock is unpleasant on her bare feet, but she ignores it, eyes focused solely on the cars haphazardly parked outside the forlorn building. She starts at the pickup closest to her, the one she was forced into a week earlier. And when she pulls the handle and it simply jerks back to its resting place, she's almost relieved that she doesn't have to get back in there.

The next car is locked too, but the dusty old Cadillac park farthest away gives her hope. The door swings open and she slides gingerly in, wincing at the strain in her muscles. And then, nothing. No keys. This place, although they blindfolded her on the way in, she has a good idea of where they are. Just on the outskirts San Antonio, they can't have driven more than 20 miles without slowling for stoplights. She glances up and sees the airplanes in the sky, military planes, so they can't be far from the air force base. Regardless, it's too far to get away by foot and she begins to panic, begins to formulate a plan for getting back inside the building to steal a set of keys.

And then she sees it.

It's propped up behind the Cadillac, closest to the road, and the sun sparkles off the key hanging from the ignition. A Ducati, from the looks of it, black and sleek. There's no helmet, though, and that's a problem. These things are dangerous enough with proper head protection. But a quick look back to the building shows a haphazard pile of gear near the door. She moves a quickly as she can back to the building, pulls on a pair of black-dyed crocodile boots two sizes too large and zips up a black leather jacket equally as big. The helmet, she carries under her arm back to the bike, rocks now crunching all too loudly under her new boots.

It hurts to straddle it, but Alex grits her teeth and shoves the helmet onto her head, folding her hair up under it. She turns the key, shifts it into neutral and flips the kill switch. The clutch depresses without much resistance under her hand and in this relative heat, the bike turns over easily when she presses the starter. But it's loud and potentially could wake everyone in that godforsaken place, so she wastes no time in hightailing it out of there.

The building is set about a mile back from the road and she kicks up a cloud of dirt on the way out; as she reaches the main road, her heartbeat slows down a bit and a soothing feeling of relief finally settles in. It's the first good feeling, besides when they left her along for several hours at a time, that she's had for a week.

She's made it. Alex turns around to look back, fully expecting that black pickup to be right behind her, but there is no one. "Thank you," she whispers to the heavens. Although after the week she's had, she's not sure if there's anyone up there listening anymore.

* * *

WHOOM!

A blur of motion, black with streaks of grey rushes through her vision. Olivia splutters into her lukewarm coffee, shocked at the sheer speed of whatever it was that just zipped by her cruiser.

"What the fu . .?" she asks no one in particular, not looking down as her hand instinctively nestles the half-full container back in its cup holder. The car groans in response as she throws it into gear, shoving her foot down on the accelerator. She'd been waiting here on Highway 90 just behind the overpass for people speeding by on their way to work. It sucks to get a ticket first thing in the morning, but ever since the Texas legislature raised the speed limit on certain stretches of road, the wrecks due to loss of control at high speed weren't getting any easier to work. The number of bodies was stacking up and stopping people for their speed proves to be one of the few ways to fight the growing problem.

Gravel spits out at the asphalt and the car lurches forward as Olivia flips on lights and sirens. It's a motorcycle, that much she can see from even as far back as she is. The radio crackles in her hand and she calls in her number and location and what's about to happen. It's not a pursuit yet, so she waits to tell the dispatcher that much.

The radar shows 105 and the guy is doing at least that half a mile ahead of her. Motorcycles are the worst. They're fast and maneuverable and their drivers are usually more reckless than their automobile-driver counterparts. And more often than not, these idiots try to get away.

But she gives chase anyway, accelerating up to 90, now 95 and finally she gains on the guy as an 18-wheeler tries to pass a double-wide trailer. The motorcycle's brake light glows red. Her pulse slows down a fraction. This might not end up badly. Maybe they'll stop.

Her cell phone buzzes in her lap. Now is not a good time, she thinks.

She does something she's really not supposed to do and grabs it, presses Accept and holds it to her ear as she's flying down the highway. But this could be important, and if she doesn't answer this particular caller. Things could get ugly. As she listens, voices on the other end of the line are yelling and breathing hard. Something's gone wrong. Shit, she thinks. And I'm not there to see it.

"Benson!" the voice yells out.

"Yeah? I'm here. Kind of in the middle of something right now, though."

"Shut the fuck up and listen!" he demands, his voice a little frantic. Olivia has to swerve around a truck who apparently doesn't know that you're supposed to pull over to the right and go slow when an emergency vehicle has their lights on. But she complies and stays quiet.

"She got away."

"What?" Olivia asked, although she hears him loud and clear. She just can't believe they let it happen.

"Bitch stole Vicente's bike and took off! We woke up and she was gone!"

"Vicente's bike you said?" She stares with wonder at the speeding biker ahead of her.

"Yeah. You gotta get her back. She's gonna take off."

"Good news. I've already got her. I'm in pursuit right now." Her voice goes low and serious. The words, she spits out.

"That's my girl. She went west then?"

"Yeah. I gotta go." She hangs up the phone and focuses on the chase.

Olivia closes the distance and the biker turns her head to the left, glancing back at the black and white and begins to slow down. She breathes a sigh of relief, knowing full well that this situation potentially could've ended in a bloody pile of twisted metal. The bike, a Ducati street model, all grey and silver and black and shiny pipes, pulls off to the shoulder. Olivia keeps eyes glued to the rider, making sure she doesn't try to bolt. Her voice turns metallic as she radios in the situation and simultaneously types in the license plate.

One second she's looking down at her computer screen and then next she looks back up and the rider is taking off her helmet. The long blonde cascading hair falling past slim shoulders catches her off guard. She's seen pictures of the woman before but never in person. It definitely appears to be Vicente's bike and the surprise she feels blindsides her. She was dead set on this biker being a man when the pursuit first started. Scolding herself silently, Olivia reaches over for her hat, pressing its soft straw to her head, and tells herself that men aren't the only ones who ride motorcycles like that. Incredibly fast and dangerously. Sure, women do that sort of thing all the time. Because of testosterone. Her lips press in a hard line.

A glance back down at the computer screen tells her the bike is indeed registered to a Vicente Velez. She looks back up. This girl doesn't look much like Vicente Velez, and she wonders what the woman will say. She steps out of the car, her black boots shining in the morning light and heat. And by heat, it must be made clear that this sort of heat is muggy and suffocating and typical of Texas in the summertime. But honestly, this temperature in the morning is staggering and downright ridiculous, she thinks as she steps towards the bike.

A bead of sweat trickles down her cheek and she slips on her shades against the sun. The gravel, like it flew backwards from her tires earlier, crunches now under her feet as she approaches the bike. The woman is still straddling it, her neck bent so that her face hides behind a veil of blonde hair. Olivia clears her throat and the blonde looks up; her blue eyes are the first thing Olivia sees. The next thing she notices is the state of this woman's appearance.

The thin woman is drowning in an oversized black leather jacket and there's no way it actually belongs to her. Looks like something that also belongs to Vicente. But that's not even close to the worst. She's hunched over on the bike, arms crossed on her chest, anxiety screaming from her every readable body expression. A blue-black bruise is blossoming around her eye and it clashes severely with her pale skin. The still bleeding scratches and busted lip aren't helping her appearance either.

It's obvious that she's staring and the blonde gives her a scathing look in return. Olivia finds her voice quickly.

"Ma'am, Texas Highway Patrol. The reason I stopped you this morning is for your speed. Will you step off the bike and stand over here with me? Go ahead and bring your insurance with you as well."

It's standard procedure to ask motorcyclists this, as there isn't any protection from fast-moving vehicles that might hit them from the road. She nods her head, wincing visibly as she picks a leg up and slowly moves her body to one side. She's obviously in a lot of pain. Turning back to the bike, Olivia watches as she rummages around in the small compartment, struggling for a moment to get the latch open. It releases and she pulls out the flimsy card, wincing again as she stands up.

"Ma'am, are you okay?" Olivia asks as they both step to the side of her cruiser, because this woman looks like she needs medical attention, and fast. But she only nods and looks up into Olivia's dark glasses after setting the helmet on the seat.

"May I have your license and insurance?"

The woman remains expressionless until she reaches back into her jeans pocket and pulls out a slim wallet, and just when her shoulder reaches a certain point, her face crumples in pain for a split second. Recovering quickly, she straightens her face and slides her license out of the leather and hands it over. What the fuck did they do to her?

Olivia looks down at it, biting the inside of her cheek The woman has already refused medical attention once and more than likely, she's too stubborn to ask for help. Alexandra Cabot, home address is a fairly nice neighborhood in San Antonio. All information she's seen already. Alexandra Cabot, she thinks to herself, why did you have to speed past me this morning? Couldn't you have gone a different direction?

"Insurance?"

She allows Olivia to take it from her outstretched hand. It's up to date and confirms the license plate information.

"Whose bike is this?" Olivia asks and Alexandra Cabot lifts her gaze from the ground. She hesitates, eyes going up and off to the left.

"My boyfriend's," she says confidently in a raspy voice, if a little too late to be entirely convincing.

"Your boyfriend's," Olivia repeats. Nice try, she thinks. Even if she didn't know all about the situation, she wouldn't have believed that one. She waves the insurance card in front of her. "Does he know you have his bike?"

Another glare flies at her. "Of course he does."

"And did your boyfriend do that to your face?" Olivia gestures towards the bruises and blood. Alex turns her head, eyes darting to the passing cars and she licks her chapped lips before looking back at Olivia without answering. If only she'd ask to be taken to the hospital. She might be safe there.

"Is there a reason you were driving so fast?"

Her shoulders shrug and the oversized jacket sways around her midsection.

"Out joyriding, then?" Olivia tries with a skeptical expression. "Ma'am, you know, I was surprised you stopped. We usually get in pursuits with bikes like this."

The blonde clears her throat and makes a pained expression. Something else that's hurting her. So her legs, shoulder, face and now throat are causing this woman pain. They had really worked her over.

"I'm not a criminal. I have no reason to run from the police."

It's the most she'd said the entire time. Olivia raises an eyebrow, visible even above her wide sunglasses. "Then what were you running from?"

Her eyes are darting along the highway, on the lookout for something. But at Olivia's words, she catches herself and tries to look normal. And again, she doesn't answer.

"Ma'am, I'm asking because you look agitated. If someone is after you, I can help. That's my job."

This only seems to make things worse. The blonde crosses her arms across her chest and a dark look passes over her face. "No one is after me. Look, can you just write me a ticket so I can be on my way?"

Olivia shakes her head and reflexively widens her stance. "I'm afraid it's not going to be that simple, ma'am. A woman, traveling alone on a motorcycle, going at a high rate of speed with no real reason, it looks pretty suspicious to me."

She reaches up and pulls her sunglasses off, looking the blonde directly in the eyes. It startles her, how captivated she is by the dazzling blue eyes, now that the sun is reflecting in them. Their connection momentarily leaves her short of breath, but she quickly shakes off that feeling, attributing it to the heat and her suffocating bulletproof vest.

"And on top of that, you've failed to give an answer to most of my questions. This makes me think you've got something to hide. Do you have something to hide? Drugs?"

She looks over at the bike and the blonde mirrors her movements before turning back to face Olivia. "I already told you I'm not a criminal, Officer . . ." she leans in, squinting at Olivia's nameplate. "Benson."

"It's _Trooper_ Benson, ma'am." The blonde rolls her eyes at that and Olivia has to stuff her annoyance down deep. She has a duty, after all, to be polite and courteous to all motorists.

"Is it okay if I search your bike?"

The blonde stares at her for a moment, looking like she's considering it, and then her face twists in a grimace. "I don't think so," she says, keeping her arms crossed. "I'm well aware of my rights, _Trooper_ Benson. You have no probable cause for a search and you'll need a warrant to do so."

Olivia nods and takes a step back, reaching over for her portable on her shoulder. The woman watches as she radios in for a K-9 unit. If they can find drugs and arrest her, she'll be much better off.

"What's that about?" she asks, when Olivia finishes with her call. She replaces her shades and begins to turn towards her car.

"Are you sure you don't want to let me search the bike?"

Alexandra Cabot frowns and shakes her head. "Why not let the government give the police complete control and allow them to search anything they want with no repercussions. Why not turn this whole country into a police state?"

"Okay," Olivia says, ignoring her rant. "We're going to conduct a free air search on your _boyfriend's_ bike."

A scoff escapes that pert little mouth and Olivia is glad for a moment that she's put her glasses back on. "You're kidding."

"No, ma'am."

"This is ridiculous. Not to mention just barely skirting past my constitutional rights."

"Yes ma'am, but it is perfectly legal."

"I'm aware," she says succinctly and shifts on her feet. Olivia walks over to her cruiser.

"Wait right there for me please." The woman glares at her without further acknowledgement. She sits in the driver's seat and runs the license. And just like Ms. Cabot said, she's certainly not a criminal: no speeding ticket, no warrants, no priors, nothing.

She prints out the speeding ticket and attaches it to the little clipboard, and when she looks up to the rearview mirror, the K-9 unit pulls in behind her. The driver hops out, followed a large and sleek German shepherd, and Olivia steps away from the car to go and greet the handler.

They confer for a brief moment before Olivia crunches through drought-deadened grass and rocks back to Ms. Cabot, who has kept the heavy jacket on, despite the heat. It makes Olivia wonder what her arms look like beneath it.

….

"Okay here's how this'll work. The dog will sniff around the bike, in the free air surrounding it, not invading your constitutional privacy," she says that last bit with a smirk. She goes on when the blonde returns her look.

"And if the dog alerts, we'll do a search of your belongings now with probable cause."

The woman crosses her arms and stands, stance wide, and simply watches as Olivia waits a moment for an answer before giving up and turning her attention to the dog. She keeps her peripheral on the blonde, in case she decides to run. It's always a possibility, with any person the police stops, that they might try to get away. She hopes against hope that today will not be that day, because this woman looks athletic and it is too damned hot for any cross country adventures on foot.

The dog takes two slow, deliberate laps around the car, sniffing all the while and then looks up at his handler. He pants in the heat, his chest heaving and pink tongue wagging around. No alert.

"Nothing," the handler says, his eyes also hidden behind dark glasses, and Olivia inwardly curses. The handler and dog make their way back to their SUV and get in, waiting out of the heat for her to finish the traffic stop. She glances over, eyes still hidden behind glasses, at Ms. Cabot. She stands, still with arms crossed, staring directly at Olivia.

"No drugs?" She asks, her tone mocking and sarcastic. "May I go now?"

"Yes ma'am, just as soon as you sign this ticket." She pulls out her ticket book, having already written everything out that she needed to. "It will be a citation for your speed, traveling 105 in an 8o. What you need to do is get into contact with Judge Burns of Medina County on or before July 3rd here at this address." Olivia stands next to the woman now, pointing out different parts of the ticket while she nods her head impatiently. Her eyes are still busy, still roving the highway, looking for something or someone.

"And if you can't show up in person, you can call this phone number."

Alex takes the pen and signs it, albeit reluctantly, giving Olivia a hard glare, obviously hoping on some level that she wouldn't be getting a ticket, even though she was going more than twenty over and dodging through traffic.

"And now I can go?" Olivia nods and the woman steps away from her, tossing her hair back as she tugs on her helmet.

"Ma'am?" Olivia calls out before the blonde eases her leg back over the bike.

She looks back and Olivia wishes she would ask for help. Because in this case, she really does need it. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," she says, and Olivia can barely hear it through the wind and the muffling helmet covering the lower part of her mouth.

"Be safe," Olivia says and she watches as the stubborn woman puts the motorcycle in gear and accelerates away. She revs up the engine and powers quickly into high gear, shrinking smaller and smaller in the distance, eventually disappearing over a nearby hill.

Her radio squawks on her shoulder. Dispatch is calling for backup on I-35. She doesn't have to bother telling the brothers where the blonde is headed. They'll find her.

"Affirmative," she says into her portable and heads back to her car, giving the K-9 guy a wave.

* * *

The wind rushes over Alex, cool and a welcome respite from the suffocating heat from before. But there's little time to bask in this small happiness when so much has gone wrong. Every part of her life has gone awry, and the helplessness washes over her as surely as the whipping wind.

And still, the threat is ever present, knowing they could be two cars behind her or waiting up ahead around the nearest bend. It's disturbing and unsettling, not knowing where they are and her paranoia only increases as she reaches her exit. The plan is to loop back around to San Antonio, getting off the main highway as quickly as possible, but the inconvenient and troublingly curious Trooper Benson foiled that plan.

For a moment she allows herself to picture that inquisitive trooper and how much she'd like to punch her directly in the face, square in the nose. Just once, maybe twice for good measure, for pulling her over. Alex knows the woman was only doing her job, was trying to protect people from her high speed, dangerous antics. But that doesn't change the situation. If they saw her standing there, being questioned and 'free air' searched on the side of the road, they could be following her now.

A dragging weight at the back of her pants reminds her of the gravity of the situation. The overlarge boots and jacket and this motorcycle aren't the only things she took from outside the run-down house. A handgun, she has no idea what kind it is or what kind of bullets it holds, is currently in her pants and she thanks her lucky stars the trooper didn't try to search her person. It's stolen, and not first by her, she's sure of that. But it was in the jacket when she took it, and it's heavy against her back, full of bullets and in her now skittish mind, safety. That one would have been even more difficult to explain.

She's shot guns before, but a handgun only once. Mostly, she's fired shotguns and rifles, target practice with her friends out in the country during their long summers. So this loaded gun, she knows how to use, certainly, but hopes full-heartedly that she doesn't have to. Maybe, just maybe, she'll be able to reach the city with no encounters.

And with these thoughts flying through her mind, she feels uneasy, like someone's watching. When she looks in her side mirror, she sees the truck behind her. It's a newer model pickup, black with abnormally large tires and grill guard fit for a rancher. A vehicle she knows all too well.

Shit, she thinks.

There isn't any point in trying to run. She pulls over, downshifting the gears to one until finally she's able to put her feet down. Ignoring the ache in her thighs as her leg again swings over the side, her entire body seems to remember the pain these men have caused her. She prepares for the worst as she stands up straight and watches the doors open as three pairs of boots hop down to the gravel. The gun stays at her back, but she's not sure if she has what it takes to pull it out and start shooting.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N - thanks so much for the reviews and follows! Here's the next chapter, a little earlier in the day than yesterday. Enjoy!_

_Same trigger warnings apply from chapter 1, rating is staying at M for content. _

**( late afternoon. Monday, June 3)**

The haggard and overused leather of her swiveling chair crinkles as Olivia falls into it. She settles in and leans forward, shaking her mouse once to wake up the embarrassingly outdated desktop and sits back again as the screen lights up. It takes a while, as usual, and she takes a sip of coffee while she waits. The coffee is mediocre, but it's caffeine and that's good enough. Her lips smack together silently and finally the computer is ready for her to sign in and get started.

Fingers fly over the keys, her brain barely registering the letters that bleep across the screen. It's mundane work, tedious and one of her least favorite parts of the job, besides notifying families that their loved ones have passed away. But at one particular ticket, she pauses. Quite frankly, this particular ticket has been lingering at the back of her brain since earlier that day. And for good reason. Several good reasons, actually. The chiefest reason being that Alexandra Cabot was in big trouble this morning and Olivia had been unable to help her. It's disconcerting, now, thinking about her bruised and bloody face and empty blue eyes and imagining what the rest of her must look like beneath that over large jacket. And truth be told, she probably did more harm than good by stopping her.

And that's not all. The whole situation is fucked up and Olivia wishes with all she has that none of it had ever happened. That she hadn't been tied up in this in the first place. Without a doubt, the brothers caught up to Alexandra and who knows what kinds of unspeakable things they're doing to her now. Pondering what might happen if she were to look up that address in the nice neighborhood and pay the woman a visit, she shakes her head, knowing full well that it's a terrible idea.

She stares at the computer for a moment and then decides to refresh herself on the details of the whole situation. The tickets flutter gently to the table when she drops them, resting her left hand on the keyboard while her right guides the mouse to the browser and a search engine. The letters appear quickly in the blank white box and she presses enter.

The first few results her eyes scan over are advertisements and are irrelevant, but farther down, she finds what she's looking for. It hasn't been that long ago. The headline screams at her from the screen.

_Prominent oil businessman and wife slain at home. No suspects named so far. _

She clicks the link and it directs her to a local newspaper's website; the article is dated six months before. Late December of this past year. Her eyes scan on.

_Early this morning, authorities report having found prominent oil businessman Stanley Cabot and his wife, Vivian, dead in their home. It is not clear yet, what the official cause of death is. An anonymous tip to this newspaper revealed that the couple were indeed murdered, but declined to say in what manner it occurred. The late Stanley Cabot owned Cabot Oil Technologies, and the future of that company is now uncertain. The couple's three daughters, Kathryn, Melanie, and Alexandra, a prosecutor for the city, all reside in San Antonio and none were available for comment. With police swarming the block at the secluded hillside Cabot land, it is certain the authorities are working towards a lead. When asked for a specific comment on the shocking and seemingly random murder of these prominent San Antonio residents, Texas Ranger Elliot Stabler declined and assured the media that the department would be issuing a formal statement by the end of today. _

Alexandra Cabot, prosecutor for the city and daughter of two recently murdered parents. She scrolls down again and searches for more articles. But nothing ever developed from the Ranger's investigation, she guesses he never found any more leads and now the case is probably filed cold.

...

Time ticks steadily towards four p.m., towards the end of her shift, and Olivia's paperwork is almost, blessedly complete. Thoughts of the blonde woman and her recent troubled past are pushed aside, and she focuses instead on getting this all finished. Just as Olivia staples the last ticket to the last form, her desk phone rings, blaringly loud in the almost empty office.

"Trooper Benson," she says succinctly into the phone, cradling it between her shoulder and ear while reaching for a pad and pen.

"Trooper, hello, this is Elliot Stabler. I'm a . . ." But Olivia shakes her head and cuts him off.

"Texas Ranger. Yeah, I was just reading an article with your name in it."

He's quiet for a moment, and Olivia imagines he's smiling that she knows who he is. Probably a pompous-ass like a lot of Rangers she's met.

"I imagine you were. You pulled over a person-of-interest earlier today."

Olivia frowns at the phone, reaches again for the mouse and closes out her current program, uncovering again the article about the slain Cabots.

"Alexandra Cabot?"

"Mm hmm," he says. "We've got her flagged. Looking for any activity from her, suspicious or not."

Strange, Olivia thinks. She didn't see a flag on Alexandra's license. It makes sense, though. They never found anyone to blame the parent's murders on. She decides to play ignorant. "Is she a suspect?"

He's quiet on that for a moment and then eventually gives an answer. "Possibly. You mind if I ask you some questions about your traffic stop involving Ms. Cabot yesterday?"

Olivia shakes off the feeling that she's being interrogated and sits back in her chair, flipping through her notes for reference. "Sure, go right ahead."

"Okay great. The reason for stop was speed?"

"That's right. 105 in an 80. Flew right by me on a motorcycle. I was set up behind an overpass."

"Motorcycle, huh?" He sounds curious. "What kind?"

"Ducati, nice bike. But not registered to her. Insurance says Vicente Velez, who she claimed was her boyfriend."

"Interesting. And where was she headed? Coming from?"

"Wouldn't say. She was acting suspiciously, looking around everywhere. And she was all beat up, bloody lip, black eye."

"Hmm," is all he says to that. "Says here you called in K-9? Reason to suspect drugs?"

"Not really," she says. "But she refused consent to search the bike, and she wouldn't answer my questions. You never know these days who they're using as their mules."

"Dogs didn't turn up anything?"

"Nope, not a thing. So I wrote her the ticket and she took off, headed west on highway 90."

"Away from the city," he said quietly and Olivia supposes it's more to himself than anything.

"Right. It was like she was running from something. Looked shaken up. And beaten up, like I said."

"Okay," he says and Olivia can make out the sounds of a pen scratching on paper.

"So you think all this has something to do with her parents' murders?"

He sighs from across the line. It's obvious the Rangers have been frustrated with this case. "It might. Might not. We haven't heard from her since January. She's been lying low."

"Where are her sisters?"

The answer, she already knows, but she knows she shouldn't, being an outsider on the case. A clicking sound comes from the line. Fingers tapping on a desk. Nervous habit, she notes.

"No idea. We asked them not to leave the state, but it looks like they've taken a leave of absence from work, picked up families and everything and just left."

"That's bizarre."

"You're telling me," he grunts. "The other two had solid alibis. Hers was iffy."

"So what's the next move?" Olivia catches herself tapping her own fingers against her desk.

"Listen, I've got a proposition for you actually. I'll have to run this by my boss of course, but you're the closest contact anyone's had to Ms. Cabot in six months. And a female. She might open up to you."

Olivia waits, unsure what it is he's asking.

"Would you like to help me on this case? Take a break from the highways for a little while and help the Rangers solve a couple murders?"

Looking around, Olivia's heart thuds harder than usual against her chest. State trooper is on her checklist en route to eventually becoming a Texas Ranger. Damn the fact that a bunch of them are pompous-asses. And this is a step in that direction. Something she always wanted to do. Something her current two-timing act has been keeping her away from.

And besides that, this woman needs help. Alexandra Cabot is in a whole heap of trouble and is a suspect for her own parents' murders. Olivia wants to help any way she can, but she knows this is probably a bad idea. The other people she works for might not like how close she's getting to this case. On the other hand, maybe they'll be all for it. She decides to make a call later and find out.

"Are you kidding? I'd love to help."

"Great," Stabler says. "We'll have to clear it with your Captain as well, but hopefully we can get started tomorrow. We'll go over to her house and talk to her."

"She still lives in the same place? And no one's contacted her in half a year?"

"She hasn't been home every time we tried talking to her. Or hasn't opened the door. I don't know. We searched her house back in January but came up with nothing."

"Worth another shot then, I guess," Olivia says and feels some relief that she'll at least get to find out if Alexandra is still alive.

"That's what I was thinking. Well, give me your cell and I'll call you tomorrow morning when everything's settled and we'll head over there."

She rattles off her number and scribbles down his. They say goodbye and Olivia leans forward in her chair again towards the computer, scrolling down and filtering her search. It's unpleasant to think about, but she's about to play Alexandra Cabot like a fiddle tomorrow. There is always the chance, though, that the woman is smart enough to help herself without digging a deeper hole.

But first, she needs to make a couple of phone calls.

She pulls out her personal phone and dials the number.

"Cesar, hey."

"What's going on?" he says in Spanish.

"Two things," she says, getting right into it. That's one of the things he always said he liked about her. She doesn't mess around with small talk, gets down to business and cuts the bullshit.

"One, the Texas Rangers asked for my help on the Alex Cabot case, since I made the traffic stop and everything."

"Okay, good," Cesar says. "That's good. It will be another step in the door then. And you can help make sure they think she's responsible for what happened to her parents."

"Right," Olivia says, scratching at her eyebrow, and looking around to make sure no one can hear her. Captain Aarons is across the room, drinking coffee and reading a report. "And the other thing is, what the hell did you do to her? She looked awful when I pulled her over."

He hesitates over the line. "We just roughed her up a bit, that's all. We needed to make sure she knows what she's up against and doesn't try any stupid shit again."

That doesn't sound believable, but Olivia can't really do anything about it. "I think she knows by now what she's up against, Cesar."

"Obviously not if she sent her sisters away. Now we have no more leverage on her."

"She has nothing left. What else are you gonna do to her?"

"Whatever we need to do. Now mind your own fucking business," he snaps, and Olivia knows that he's done talking about it.

"Okay," she says, but can't resist one more suggestion. "Just please, Cesar. Let me get to work on the case and report back to you before you do anything else to her. Chances are, she'll get charged with the murders and you'll get out of it untouched."

"That's not all that I want, Olivia, and you know it," the malice is dripping from his voice. "I want her to transport drugs for me because she's the perfect mule."

"Okay." He hangs up without another word and Olivia shakes her head. Shit. He's a fucking lunatic.

The next number she dials is from her work phone. "Hey, Cragen. Yep. Listen there's been a development. Yeah. It's about Alexandra Cabot."

* * *

The lock slides home with an echoing click and Alex leans back against the door, feeling the smooth-patterned wood grains with her fingertips, only wanting for a moment to hold on to something solid and real and simple. Her breath is still coming unevenly and her heart is still pounding. She can still feel his hand running lightly along her face, teasing her as she sits next to him in the black truck's backseat. His sweat and day-old cologne and liquor-stench that smells like half tequila, half whiskey lingers heavily in her nostrils.

He's too close. They already drove away, three of them, Cesar in the backseat and his two brothers, Vicente and Marcus up front. And miles away by now, he's too close. Even now, even inside her own home, where she's supposed to feel safe and protected. But she does not, she hasn't felt safe in a long time. Even before what happened with her parents.

Her face aches anew with the ghost of his hand gripping it tightly and forcing her mouth to his. He tasted vile. A new bruise will probably show up there tomorrow. Add that to the too long list of bruises and cuts and scrapes from her ordeal.

And although she feels terrified and sure that they'll come back in a few minutes to finish her off, or worse, torture her some more, a feeling of relief seeps through her. They didn't hurt her again. She'd rather they just kill her than suffer through that again.

Even though she escaped their compound and stole Vicente's bike and still has his gun lodged firmly in her jeans next to her rear end, they left her alone this time. She takes in a deep breath and marvels at that. But it's short lived. Cesar's last words to her as he pushed her unceremoniously from the truck echo ominously in her mind.

"If that fucking dyke cop comes anywhere near you again, expect us to be back here to tear your ass apart."

She had nodded, understanding completely that they would keep their promise. They had peeled out of her driveway and left her standing on the hot cement in bare feet and her bloody clothes. Vicente had wanted his boots and jacket back.

And now a shiver runs over her spine as she imagines how badly it could have gone. A darting pain takes her breath away as she reaches back for the cold heaviness that is the handgun in her pants, and marvels again that they didn't notice it deforming her backside. She brings it with her to the bathroom, sets it gingerly on the sink and locks the bathroom door behind her, just in case. Although, she knows if they wanted to get back in, breaking down a door would be no problem.

The shower fills the bathroom quickly with steam and she purposely avoids her reflection in the mirror. It's not something she's ready to see. Looking down at her shirt, she goes for the first button and the rest follow with trembling fingers. The shirt falls to the floor in a clump of dingy white and stained red. But her pants are a much different story. They brush bruises and rub against chaffed skin as she pulls them down, trying not to look at the state of her thighs.

She wonders briefly where her underwear are and then shakes her head, not really wanting to know.

She can still feel his hands on her, his mouth, all of him. And both his brother's hands, what little Cesar allowed them to touch her. The memories themselves are the worst part. If only she could forget them, push them away from her mind forever and be free of them. And more than anything, she wants a way to end how guilty and disgusting she feels, allowing herself to get into a situation like this. She's the victim, she knows that, but it doesn't change the way she feels.

The shower, as she steps in, is far too hot. It burns her skin but she needs it. Needs to be cleansed. Needs to have this filth washed from her. And suddenly, not five seconds under the scalding water, she realizes what she's done.

Alexandra Cabot was a prosecutor for the city. Preserving evidence and actually having that evidence in order to convict was the most important part of a case for the prosecution. And as she watches that very evidence swirl down the drain, mixed in with her blood, finally the tears she's been holding in fall from her eyes. Great, heaving sobs wrack her body, and she has to brace herself on the wall so as not to fall down. But it's no good. Her legs give out and her hands slide down the cold tile as her knees smack against the floor, not caring that water soaked hair is in her eyes and mouth. Trembling hands cover her face and she crumbles.

There isn't anything she can do, even if she wanted to. Going to a hospital means certain death, because the hospital staff would notify the police. And calling the police would mean certain death because they would find out. She wishes at that moment that she could just call her mother. Just once more, just to hear her voice and everything would be better. Or her father. Either of them. Just once more.

The hot water runs out eventually and she manages somehow to pick herself up and finish the task of rinsing her sore body. Once she's out of the shower, Vicente's gun now resting on her bed, she changes into clean clothes and throws her jeans and white shirt in the trash can. It's only mid-afternoon now, but she climbs onto her bed and reaches for the landline. She has no idea where her cell phone is. Probably smashed in the wilderness somewhere.

Phone in hand and as comfortable as she can get, propped up on the pillows, Alex stares at the numbers, debating whether or not to do what she's planned.

Finally, she makes up her mind and punches in the numbers she's known by heart for years. There's a chance they might be listening, god only knows how far they've infiltrated her life, but right now she's willing to risk it.

After two rings, a familiar voice answers and she almost smiles at the sound of her older sister's voice. Almost.

"Alex?"

"Mel, hi," she says and her voice is more hoarse than she thought it'd be from all the crying.

"Why are you calling?" She asks quickly, her usually soothing and melodious voice panicky. "You said you wouldn't call unless it was an emergency."

Alex shakes her head. "I know I said that, but it's not an emergency. Everything's fine. I just wanted to hear your voice."

The response comes without hesitation, because this isn't something Alex normally says.

"You're lying. What happened?" It's just like her sister to recognize it. She could always tell. When Alex had her heart broken in high school and then again in college, Mel was the first to drag the story out of her. Even before her two kids, Mel had a knack for being that person people came to with their problems. And now, even better than when they were young, she can read Alex like a book, and all without seeing her face to face.

But today is not the day to spill everything to Mel. Today is the day to make sure her sisters are okay. And today is the day to keep this a secret. Mel, and Kate for that matter, don't need any more stress or things to worry about on their plate. She's caused them enough trouble for one lifetime. And she hopes at that moment that they won't hate her forever for being the reason they had to pick up their lives and flee the state.

"Nothing happened. I just want to know you're safe," she hopes her voice will stop wavering, because Mel is hanging on her every word.

"We're fine, Alex. Kate and Jaime are good. And Kris and the kids and are . . adapting." Kate, the youngest of the three Cabot sisters, and Jaime had married only a few years ago, and they were just settling down and getting ready to have children when everything went to hell in a hand basket. Kris, Mel's husband, worked in construction and their two children used to call Alex their favorite aunt. But not anymore.

"Good. I'm glad."

"Please tell me what's wrong. I won't be angry or upset, Alex. I just know something's wrong." Her voice pleads with Alex through the line and the blonde closes her eyes, wishing with every fiber of her being that she could let it all out, the whole twisted experience. But she holds her tongue. It's not fair to tell Mel about it, when all she can do is worry from several thousand miles away.

"Nothing is wrong," she says more confidently.

"But you called, and you said you wouldn't unless . . ."

Alex cuts her off. "I know, an emergency. Listen, Mel, you aren't in any danger up there, are you?"

There's a pause from the other end and Mel clears her throat. "I don't think so."

"You don't think so? Mel, this is important, has anyone been following you?"

"No. They haven't. Or not that I've noticed."

"You have to pay attention to that!" Alex says fervently and realizes as she says it that she shouldn't be lecturing her older sister. But still. "This isn't a game."

There's another pause. And this time when Mel speaks, her voice is low.

"You think I don't know that? Alex, our parents are dead because of these people, and . . ."

She trails off and Alex knows what she's thinking. That their parents are dead because of her. And it's true. She let things get out of hand. And if she hadn't been involved with these people in the first place, none of this would have happened and their family would still be together. She would still have a niece and a nephew to spoil and turn against their mother. She would still have two sisters and parents.

Her mind flashes back to what started it all one day in court. It seems like yesterday when she first saw them, two of the three brothers, Vicente and Cesar. They were in the gallery at their cousin's trial. She had been assigned the case, to prosecute their cousin Tony for felony drug charges. If only she could have known what would happen. If only she could have asked to be assigned a different case, how different her life would be right now. That was the trial that started it all. But Mel's voice drags her back to the present.

"Alex, why won't you just go to the police?"

She shakes her head even though Mel can't see the gesture. "You know that's not an option."

"It should be. They should protect you."

Alex closes her eyes. "No one can protect me."

It's the wrong thing to say and she knows it but the words are out of her mouth before she can stop them. And this isn't how she wants the conversation to end. She has to do something to make this right, to keep Mel from worrying, when she shouldn't have called in the first place.

"Look Mel, I'll contact the police. You're right, there's no reason to be living this way."

"You really will?" Her voice is hopeful and so earnest it hurts Alex's heart to lie to her.

"I really will."

"Just be careful okay?"

Alex smiles, and her voice is surprisingly steady despite the tears on her face.

"I will. You too. And tell Kate for me."

"Love you Alex."

"Love you too, Mel."

And as she replaces the phone in its cradle, her hands reach down for the sheets. Alex pulls them up to her chin and reaches up with a wince for the lamp. But in the darkness, she can see Cesar's face leering at her and his hands reaching for her. She can almost still smell and feel his body on top of hers. She ignores the pain this time when she flips the light back on. Sleeping with the light on is okay for tonight, she tells herself.

And as she falls into a fitful sleep, mid-afternoon creeps into another long summer evening.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N - 3 in a row! I'm on a roll, readers. TW for this chapter - thoughts of suicide, rape flashbacks, violence, death. I'll just go ahead and say that if you make it through this chapter, you'll be safe to read the rest of this story, so no more trigger warnings after this. _**  
**

_Again, thanks for the reviews and follows and favorites. Enjoy!_

**(June 4 – Tuesday)**

A dull, thudding noise pulls Alex from her slumber. Her eyes open slowly and she's groggy from having slept so long. The room is still dimly lit by her bedside lamp, and as she blinks the sleep from her eyes, memories of the previous day and week rush back to her. It was blissful there for a moment, not remembering. But now, as the thudding continues, every memory is as vivid as when she experienced it.

She throws back her covers and reaches for Vicente's gun, tucking it into the back waistband of her sweats. Through her bedroom door and into the living room, she shuffles her feet and runs a tired hand through her still-disheveled hair.

The thudding turns into a persistent knock and she heads to the door. Still half asleep, Alex opens the door without thinking twice. It's bright outside and she squints against the sun. It's a stupid mistake, but it's too late now to do anything about it. Holding her hand up to her eyes, she registers who is standing at her doorstep. There are two of them in silhouette, a tall man with a buzzed military style haircut and a woman almost as tall, hair short around her head. And after a moment, Alex can see their faces as her eyes adjust.

It's that damned Texas Ranger, Stabler, in plain clothes. She's been avoiding him for a long time now because he's an asshole and thinks she murdered her parents. And next to him is . . . "You've got to be shitting me," she says aloud, when she only meant to say it in her head. It's _Trooper_ Benson from the previous day. The reason she didn't escape completely from the Velez brothers. She's also in plain clothes. At least these two morons weren't stupid enough to knock on her door in their uniforms. But then again, how could they know what she's been threatened with?

"Good morning, Ms. Cabot," Stabler says brightly. "Hope we didn't catch you too early in the morning."

She looks down at herself, dressed still in a too large shirt and her sweatpants that bulge at the back from a stolen handgun. Her feet are bare and she's sure that her hair looks simply impeccable after having washed it and slept on it wet. Too early in the morning. Asshole. She really has no idea what time it is, but by the looks of the sun glaring at her past Stabler and Trooper Benson's heads, it looks to be about ten in the morning.

"Why are you here?" She asks, staring behind them at the street. An unmarked sedan is parked in front of her house. Shit. Of all the days for these two to show up.

"I notified Trooper Benson here that you're a person of interest, and after she told me about your traffic stop yesterday, I thought I'd invite her along to ask you a few questions. I'm glad you finally answered the door."

Alex leans against the door and reaches up to scratch her head. Her hand bumps against a cut and she winces, bringing her hand back down quickly. "I don't want to answer any questions."

"Ms. Cabot, if you'll just let us inside for a few minutes, we'll ask our questions and be out of your hair as soon as possible," his voice is confident and placating, but she doesn't believe him. He wants to close this case and pin the murder on someone. The female trooper is still quiet, but she did take off her sunglasses as soon as Alex answered the door. Her dark eyes are on Alex's face, studying it. It makes her uncomfortable.

"You really can't be here. I need you to leave," she says urgently, wanting more than anything for them to disappear. The brothers have eyes everywhere, and they'll know these two cops are here. Somehow they'll find out. But then, the Trooper opens her mouth to speak and Alex finds herself watching the woman's mouth move.

"Alex, please," she starts with a low voice and right away, Alex shakes her head and closes her eyes briefly. That sounds strange coming from Trooper Benson's mouth, especially since they only met yesterday and she's acting like they've known each other for years. It's even stranger that it actually feels like they've known each other for years.

And then suddenly her attention is drawn to the street.

An annoyingly loud engine is approaching, it sounds familiar and foreboding. Just like the black pickup's engine. Shit!

She doesn't have time to think. The truck hasn't pulled in front of her house yet, so she does the only thing she can think of. Darting out quickly at the duo, she grabs each of their arms and pulls them roughly inside. It happens in a blur and they react slowly. In the second it takes him to do something, Stabler is pushing her aside, against the wall in her hallway, trying to regain control of the situation.

She's pinned now, rather painfully beneath his arms with her hands open nonthreateningly, but she manages to extend her leg out and kick the door closed and it slams, hard. Their eyes wide, both law enforcement officers stare at her, Stabler from in front of her and the trooper from across the entryway.

Stabler backs off slowly when he realizes she doesn't have the means or intent to harm them, but his eyes stay glued to her, still bewildered as to why she would move so suddenly on them. Reaching down, he straightens his shirt and glances over at his companion.

"What in the hell?" Stabler asks, and Alex shrugs, trying to play it off. But inside, she's panicking. It was Cesar and his brothers, she just knows it. She should have shoved these two away, slammed the door in their faces. But then Cesar might have seen them walking back to their car and recognized them, thinking they'd just come from speaking to her. What would they think? Did they see the cops standing at her door or did she pull them in quickly enough? If they did see and if they recognized the trooper from yesterday and the Ranger from the news, she was in for it. But maybe they didn't.

She breathes in deeply and tries to calm herself, all while the two other occupants of her front hall watch this drama unfold on her face. Blinking and splaying a hand against the wall behind her, she pushes off of it.

"Come in," she says unsteadily and heads towards the kitchen. "I'll make coffee."

As she turns away, Alex catches the look that passes between the two of them. It's one that asks, what the hell just happened and is this woman crazy?

Her house is a wreck, but she ignores the piles of newspapers and legal briefs from already closed cases and the current case of her parent's murders. There are laundry heaps strewn all over the couch, some clean, some dirty, she's not sure which. But the kitchen isn't as bad. After all, she had been doing the dishes when the brothers came for her the previous week.

She gestures to the small breakfast table for them to sit while she starts a pot of coffee. Her hands shake as she pours water into the pot, and the eyes she can feel on her back are watching her every move. Behind her, Alex can hear sounds of the duo moving papers from the chairs onto the table and sliding them out of the way. Somehow, she can't find it in her to care that her house looks this way. Usually, she's impeccably tidy, almost obsessively so. But all that doesn't seem to matter as much anymore.

While the coffee brews, she turns and faces the seated cops. Great. Now she'll really have to answer their questions. But she's a lawyer and knows what not to say. In this case, she'd tell a client in her shoes not to say anything at all, to wait for a defense lawyer, but she doesn't have that luxury. Nor does she care to try and get a court appointed one that she could probably argue circles around anyway.

"So, Alex," Stabler says, strumming his fingers on her table. "Can I call you Alex?"

He's asked her this before and she rolls her eyes at him, knowing full well that he remembers her answer from last time. To go fuck off.

"What do you want?" She asks, crossing her arms and looking between the two of them.

"I'd still like to know why you were driving so fast yesterday," the trooper says and Alex fixes her stare on the dark haired woman.

"That doesn't concern you."

Stabler shakes his head; he's used to this ornery behavior from her. "It does if it's somehow related to our ongoing investigation."

"It's not."

"What about all these bruises and cuts? Where did you get those?" Benson asks and her eyes are on Alex's arms, which had been hidden from view yesterday. Now the blue-ish handprint shaped bruises scattered up and down her arms are on display to the world. She stays quiet.

"And that one on your face. That one's new," Benson points out. Of course she notices that, Alex inwardly curses.

"If someone is hurting you, we can protect you."

She shakes her head, and turns around. The coffee is finished and she turns with the intention of pulling down three mugs, but as she reaches up, she remembers the gun stuck in her waistband and freezes. If she raises her arms up, there's a chance they'll see the gun. Slowly, she turns back around and frowns at them, reaching behind her to pull out a drawer for a spoon.

"You two want sugar?"

As she speaks, she stretches behind and into her pants, ignoring the pain in her shoulder and grasps the gun to carefully drop it silently into the open drawer. When they nod in unison, she turns back around, grabs three spoons and shoves the drawer shut. Thank god. That's one thing she doesn't need to explain to these two.

She can reach up without trouble for the mugs now and is able to pour the coffee without further distraction. Handing them each a cup, she sets out a sugar dish and reaches in the fridge for creamer. After a moment's pause, she flips open the cap and smells it to make sure it hasn't gone sour. It's been a week since she's been here after all.

"Thanks," Stabler says as he takes a tentative sip after stirring a bit of sugar into his cup of black coffee. "Yeah, thanks," Benson echoes. She pours in a little cream and adds less sugar than her companion.

Alex prepares her own cup, but sets her spoon down next to the saucer without picking it up. She doesn't trust her hands.

"So where are your sisters?" Stabler asks after a particularly long draw from his cup.

Staring down into her untouched mug, Alex simply shrugs.

"You don't know, or you won't tell us?" Benson asks.

Alex shoots her a look that screams, both! But she still says nothing.

"If something has happened to them as well . . . " Stabler trails off, and Alex whips her head around to glare at him.

"They're alive, you asshole."

Benson's eyes go wide, but Stabler only laughs. He's used to this.

"Easy now. I believe you. I just thought it odd that neither of them lives here anymore and no one seems to know where they've gone."

Alex shrugs.

"We think you're being threatened by someone," Benson starts, and her tone is much more soothing than her counterpart's. "If it's someone connected to your parent's murders, we'd like to help you. Protect you. If you'd let us."

Cringing slightly at the mention of being protected and made worse by the thought of how her parents died, Alex has to look away.

"I'm not being threatened," she says, her voice flat and emotionless. Benson takes in a deep breath and Alex can sense the frustration bubbling up from across the table.

"But there has to be a reason you were going so fast. Do you have some sort of death wish?" Benson's voice is angry now and Alex looks over at her, eyes now as dull as her voice.

When their eyes meet, the trooper reaches up to run a hand through her hair, surely realizing right away that saying what she just said to a woman who's just lost her parents is not appropriate.

"Ms. Cabot if there's something wrong, we want to help you. We want to figure out what happened to your parents," Stabler interjects, hoping to do some damage control.

Alex says nothing. She's finished speaking about this. At this point, she doesn't care if the Velez brothers see these two leaving. She just wants them to get the hell out and leave her alone.

"If you two have finished your coffee, I'd like for you to leave now."

Slowly, they stand up together and push in their chairs. Alex leaves the kitchen first, leading them back through the messy living room and to the door. She opens it and stands aside. Stabler ducks his head out first, but Benson pauses before she walks past Alex.

"Look, I'm sorry I said that. It was out of line, but I do want to help. You've got my number if you need anything, right?"

Remaining quiet, Alex can't meet her eyes for long. They are too earnest, too helpful. Too damn good and honorable and she is undeserving of all those things. This woman sounds like her sister, wanting to help so badly, but it's not worth the trouble for Alex to get yet another person involved. The brothers won't hesitate to wipe out each and every important and helpful person in her life. The trooper pauses for a moment longer, eyes still glued to Alex's troubled face and blank eyes and then turns to leave.

For a split second, Alex finds herself experiencing the same emotion she felt with her sister on the phone. She wants to spill her guts, to let someone else shoulder her burden for a change, to feel safe even for a brief moment. But it's too late, the trooper is walking down her sidewalk and back to the sedan.

Back inside, Alex walks past the mess again, noticing it but not caring enough to do anything about it. She dumps her full cup of coffee down the sink and places the two other cups in next to it. The smell of it swirling down the drain makes her sick to her stomach. She hasn't eaten much in the past week except what little they allowed her. And right now, although she should be famished and eating everything in sight, food is the farthest thing on her mind.

A momentary curiosity strikes Alex and she frowns before making a decision and heading back to her bedroom. Reaching in the trash can, she pulls out her ruined jeans and tries to avoid touching the dried stiff blood. In the front pocket, she finds the speeding ticket.

The plastic liner crinkles as the jeans drop back once more into it, and she walks over to her unmade bed and sits on it, unfolding the crumpled up paper.

_Trooper Olivia Benson. __256 776 5645_

_Call if you need help._

She reads over the name several times and shakes her head. What is this woman's angle? She acts righteous like she wants to help and then is teamed up with asshole Stabler the next day, probably ready and waiting to help pin the murder on her. And now the two of them are looking for her sisters. Just what she needs, someone meddling around in places they have no business being.

The paper is folded neatly into her sweat's pocket and she stands up, heading back to the living room, walking aimlessly with no real destination. She passes through the kitchen on her way there and nonchalantly retrieves the gun from the drawer, replacing it at her back. At the couch, she sits down, not particularly tired, just sits down because there's nothing else to do. She doesn't have a job, has no family nearby. No friends and certainly no significant other.

The living room landline rings, an extension of the same line in her bedroom. Probably a telemarketer, she thinks. She jumps at the noise and then reaches over to pick it up. Her voice is as dull as it was when the cops were here.

"Hello?"

"Hey baby," a growling voice reaches her ears. His accent is thick and her heart threatens to stop beating. She doesn't know what to say as panic rises up hot and thick in her chest, so she remains quiet.

"What are you doing, sweet girl?" He asks and Alex's eyes fill up with tears. He knows.

"I, um . . ." Is all she can manage without breaking into sobs.

"It's okay. You don't have to speak. I heard you had some visitors to your house."

Her free hand comes up to cover her eyes. It's over. He warned me, she thinks. He was very clear about what would happen.

"If only you had followed the rules, baby. I wouldn't have to do what I'm about to do. But you have to admit . . . you deserve it, don't you?" His voice drips with false sweetness, and what little she has in her stomach threatens to expel itself all over her floor.

"Please," she chokes out, because she can't handle any more from them. Alex didn't think she'd make it out alive the first time. And now, god. Now it's going to be much worse. She's going to be punished severely for what she's done.

"Oh you can beg. Yeah, you're gonna beg the whole time. I like that."

She closes her eyes, tears falling from them freely.

"My brothers will be there soon. And we won't waste time taking you out to our place. No, they'll stay there at your house. But you'll have to be quiet. Your neighbors can't hear you scream. That would be very bad, baby."

Her stomach clenches and she slams the phone down on the receiver. Cesar wouldn't be with them. She doesn't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. On the one hand, he had been the only one to actually rape her. He had behaved like a jealous child, refusing to let his brothers have their way with her. But now it seems that he's given them free reign. She has a bad feeling that they will be more ruthless and brutal than their brother.

She sits back on the couch, resting her pounding head on the cushion and watches the ceiling fan as it turns. A vivid memory of a similar ceiling fan rushes back to her. In their compound, the main room had a ceiling fan that spun slowly, making more noise than actually circulating the stagnant air. That fan had probably spun around thousands of times, creaking at each revolution, and she had watched it from her back, needing something to focus on while Cesar violated her on the couch in front of his brothers.

When he finished inside of her, she wanted to die. But it got worse. Cesar let his brothers touch her and finish on her body. As long as they didn't fuck her, as he put it, he didn't give a shit.

And that process continued throughout the week. So any chance she had of preventing pregnancy was probably long gone.

A wave of nausea hits her as the fan continues to go around. She sits forward, unable to look at it any longer. The gun digs into the skin at her back and she reaches around to pull it out. Staring for a long moment, she contemplates it. Fingers running over the cool metal, she finds the safety and flips it down.

And when she depresses the button, the magazine pops from the bottom of the gun. It's fully loaded. The bullets are big. Maybe a nine millimeter. She jams it back in. Her hand finds the slide and pulls back on it, checking for a bullet in the chamber. There it is, copper coated and shining enticingly at her. It's teasing her, almost, with its simplicity.

She wonders how the muzzle would feel in her mouth. Or maybe it would be better against her temple. There's something she's heard about self-inflicted gunshot wounds, that certain ones have a chance of not killing the person, depending on where you put the gun. Probably up and into the mouth would be best.

How morbid and strange it is to think of these things. But she feels calm and bizarrely at peace as she tests the weight of the gun in her hand. It would be so simple. So quick to end everything. No more Velez brothers, no more grief and guilt about her parents. Her sisters could return to a normal life, because after all, the only reason the brothers are threatening her entire family is because they want her compliance. And they're safe now, too, her sisters. That makes her feel better.

Alex wishes for a moment that she has more time, that she could find another way to do this. Taking a bunch of pills seems less painful, less messy. Someone is going to have to clean this up, she knows that. Maybe Stabler will find her. Serves him right, she knows that. But the trooper . . . she'd rather the trooper not see this at all. It could be simpler. All that heroin and meth she transported for months would have been perfect. A couple of big injections of that and she'd be overdosed and gone without much pain.

But this will have to do. She raises the gun up.

A noise from beyond her front door distracts her for a moment and then . . .

BAM!

Her front door busts open, the lock hangs crookedly from the door jamb as the door itself slams against the entryway wall. Vicente and Marcus rush in and she slides down behind the couch without thinking, trying to hide herself from them.

"Come out here, _bonita_," Vicente calls out into the room. "We promise not to hurt you."

Marcus laughs, a guffaw that makes him sound like a gorilla. They're lying, of course, and a hot coursing of hatred fills her veins and blinds her momentarily. Again without thinking about it, she pops up over the couch and points the gun at them, finding Marcus first in her sights and firing at him.

The gun recoils harder than she expects in her hand, but she doesn't stop shooting. Vicente's eyes go wide as his brother crumples to the ground, and his hand goes to his pants where he pulls out another gun. But she's already aiming for him now. And, protected by the couch, she fires twice at him before he dives out of the way, rolling behind the wall to her front hallway.

Her adrenaline is flowing and she stands up from behind the couch with shaking hands still gripping the gun. It smells like gunpowder and fire and she glances once at Marcus, who's lying on her carpet, still breathing. But a pool of blood is growing steadily around him, and as she passes him, she's mildly surprised at how calm she is.

The gun seems to aim itself at him, directly at his head, and she's just about to pull the trigger when Vicente's head pops around the corner. His gun follows and she hears the shot before she feels it, a searing pain on her left shoulder. She swings around at him and fires again.

But this time she misses, badly. And he's shooting indiscriminately at her now. Bullets ricochet against the wall behind her and her TV is now smashed to pieces. Not that that matters.

To avoid being hit, she slides down behind a chair and waits while Vicente runs out of bullets, sending exploding drywall and furniture stuffing flying. It doesn't take long. Soon, it's quiet and only the echoes of the gunshots and smoke remain the room.

"Marcus!" Vicente calls out. But there's no answer. Alex looks up from behind the chair at Marcus. It doesn't look like he's moving anymore. The idea that she might have just killed a man won't sink into her mind, it's too bizarre. It happened so fast.

"You fucking bitch! You bitch!" He's screaming from behind the wall. He knows his brother is probably gone.

"Marcus!" He yells again. But it's quiet. And finally she becomes aware of the throbbing pain in her shoulder. She's pretty sure the bullet is still in there, still lodged against a muscle or a bone. Looking down at her shirt, she shakes her head and brings her fingers up to it, feeling the thick, still warm blood seeping through it. Another one ruined, she thinks.

Alex doesn't really know what to do about Vicente, who's still alive and still has a gun, albeit an empty one. Hers still has bullets left in it.

Standing up, she supports herself with her right hand, the one with the gun in it and shuffles slowly to the entryway. He won't be alive much longer.

She sees him, lying on the ground, holding his thigh. It's bleeding badly and she wonders how he feels at that moment. Guilty maybe? Remorseful that he fucked with the wrong person? Stupid that he didn't search her for his gun when he had the chance?

Leveling the gun at him, her finger is already on the trigger. He spots her and looks up. His face crumples into one of terror and he cries out, gutturally, "Please, no."

"Please?" She says. And her voice sounds strange to her own ears. Probably because her eardrums are in shock from all the gunshots. But also because she feels nothing inside. No mercy, no forgiveness, no compassion, nothing at all. She just wants him dead. "Your brother told me I'd have to beg. But I don't think I'll give you that luxury."

His eyes betray his fear and he starts crying. But it's too late. She squeezes the trigger and when the shot rings out, she is surprised at the amount of blood that spatters from his chest. It makes her nauseous. His eyes close after a moment and his body shudders to a standstill.

And suddenly the events of the week and lack of food and water hit her. The blood she's already lost is making her light-headed. And, growing dizzy, she has to sit down. Sinking down against the wall, she closes her eyes, just to rest for a moment. A minute of rest after all this is okay. Darkness envelopes her and she finally feels safe.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N - sorry for the wait. yesterday was way busy with school and coaching. kind of a filler chapter but there's more to come! exciting stuff!_

**(June 4****th**** Tuesday)**

Department of Public Safety headquarters are silent and still this mid-afternoon. It's the perfect place to spread out all the information they have and try to figure this thing out. In the conference room, pictures are taped up on the wall, a timeline of Alex Cabot's life drawn in marker on the whiteboard, and extra information connecting all of it.

Stabler stands with his feet wide apart, one hand scratching his chin as he studies the board. Olivia's looking at it too, wondering aloud with Elliot what in the hell the connection between Alex and her parents murders is, besides the obvious fact that she was their daughter. They seemed, from all previous interviews, to be a normal family, one that got along with each other and had no reason to kill each other.

But the murders were professional, done by someone who knew what they were doing. That doesn't sound like Alex, or at least Olivia doesn't think so, unless she had someone hired to do the hit. But the question is, Olivia poses, who has it out for this family so badly that they felt the need to take out an oil businessman and his wife? Meanwhile, she knows exactly who did all of this, but tries to remain neutral while Elliot figures everything out on his own. Giving him a push in the right direction won't hurt, however. She just needs to do so carefully. This entire thing is a giant game of chess.

They've looked at possible enemies Stanley Cabot might have, and that route still has several possibilities. Employees that he's fired, competitors that he's put out of business, environmental protection activists upset about all the new horizontal drilling. It could be a number of people. But that angle doesn't fit with what seems to be going on with Alex and her missing sisters.

"I'm thinking blackmail," Olivia says and Elliot turns, glancing at her momentarily before looking back to the board. He shrugs in a half-agreement.

"Could be. Why do you think that?"

She points at the timeline. "Well, check this out. Her parents were filthy rich. Rolling in it. So maybe someone wanted that money and blackmailed her, hell even beat her up to get it."

"But kill the parents over some money? That seems excessive."

Her shoulders rise and fall as she shrugs. "I've heard of people killing other people over some Air Jordans. What do you think?"

He runs a hand over his face. "I don't know, honestly. But if I had to guess, I still think she did it. No alibi, her sisters ran away from her, terrified that they're next. It fits."

Olivia shakes her head as she frowns at him. "It fits because you're forcing these puzzle pieces that don't go together. She didn't do this."

His heel squeaks against the floor as he swivels to look at her. "_You_ don't even know her."

Tapping her pen on the table, she meets his gaze. "I just have a gut feeling. Something is off. She's running from something. That's why I'm thinking blackmail."

"Okay," he says, turning back to the board. "Maybe you're right, but next we need to figure out why she had this Vicente Velez's bike. That name sounds familiar, but we'll just have to . . ."

But Olivia's phone rings at that moment and she picks it up from the table, pressing the accept button.

"Benson," she says.

"Trooper Benson," and unfamiliar voice says. "This is Jackie Ford from the Sacred Heart hospital."

"What can I do for you, ma'am?" Olivia says, sitting up in her chair. She thinks back to her previous cases and comes up blank. She doesn't have any crash victims to be worried about in the hospital.

"I've got an Alexandra Cabot here at the hospital. She has no cell phone, medical records at this hospital, or address book. Her neighbor told the paramedics her name. And your name and number were on a speeding ticket in her pocket."

"Alexandra Cabot," Olivia says quickly, and Elliot jerks his head around to look at her. "What happened?"

She stands up while she listens and beckons to Elliot. They jog out the front door and to his unmarked sedan. Before she gets in, Olivia holds up a hand to Elliot, signaling for him to wait.

The phone beeps as she hangs up the call. "Well?" Elliot asks.

"Shots fired at Alex's house. They just brought her in to the hospital. One gunshot wound to the shoulder. She's lost a lot of blood."

"Who was shooting at her?"

She shrugs. "Don't know. I'll go to the hospital."

He nods, opening up his door and sliding in. "Okay, I'll get to her house. Call me."

"Okay," she says as she heads towards her squad car.

The door slams behind her as she slides in the driver's seat. Engine revving up, the car lurches forward as Olivia accelerates towards the loop. It's the fastest way to this particular hospital. Shit, she thinks. Shots fired at Alex's house can only mean one thing: that one or more of the brothers are involved. She picks up her phone and dials a familiar number. When Cesar answers, she spits out her question into the mouthpiece.

"What the hell did you do!"

...

The automatic doors slide open with a quiet whoosh and she walks purposefully up to the nurse's desk.

"Trooper Benson, ma'am, here to see Alexandra Cabot."

The nurse nods curtly and checks the computer. "Just left surgery. She'll be in recovery room 235. You can go ahead and see her there. She'll probably wake up in about thirty minutes."

"Thanks," Olivia says and she hesitates a moment longer at the desk. "Her records aren't at this hospital?"

She shakes her head. "No, she only had the speeding ticket in her pocket, nothing else."

"Okay, thanks," Olivia says again before heading through the swinging doors towards the recovery rooms.

Down the hall, she passes door after door and remembers, as she always does, how much she dislikes hospitals. It's a place for people to be healed certainly, but a lot of people, people she pulled from crashed vehicles, go in and never come back out. Not to mention that a lot of people involved in the drug cartel suffer the same fate.

After a long walk down the sterile-smelling hallway, she reaches the correct room and turns the corner. There are two beds in the room and only one of them is occupied. Alex is still, her face pale and still showing the evidence of whatever kind of beating she's taken in the past few days. She's breathing on her own, but supplemental-oxygen tubes are threaded in her nose. An IV is attached to her arm, giving her pain medication surely, and perhaps fluid for blood loss.

With her eyes closed and thin chest barely moving up and down, she looks too much like a corpse. It's a disturbing thought. Bandages are piled up beneath her hospital gown on her left shoulder. The only thing reassuring about this scene is the heart rate monitor attached to her finger, the undulating green line faithfully and steadily continuing its pattern with every beat of her heart.

The fact that she's been standing at the foot of Alex's bed, staring at her for a while, doesn't register until a doctor in blue scrubs, white coat and tie-dyed scrub cab walks in. Her sneakered feet pad noiselessly across the floor and her hazel eyes are on Olivia. A streak of grey shocks through what's visible of her otherwise dark hair.

She clears her throat to get Olivia's attention. When Olivia turns her attention to the doctor, she speaks. "You're the trooper?"

Olivia nods and her eyes are drawn back down to the still-unconscious Alex.

"Strange that she doesn't have any other contacts," the doctor says, and her voice is perplexed.

"Yeah, strange," Olivia echoes. The doctor straightens up and seems to remember herself. "I'm sorry. Let me introduce myself. I'm Dr. Berdinez, and I took care of Ms. Cabot's surgery."

Olivia grasps the hand extended to her and shakes it. "Olivia Benson. Will she be okay?"

Dr. Berdinez purses her lips and nods slowly. "She should be. Lost quite a bit of blood before the EMTs got her here. But we took care of that in surgery and there were no complications."

"Good," Olivia says. "Any idea what happened?"

The doctor shakes her head. "I was going to ask you the same thing."

Taking in a deep breath and releasing it again, Olivia makes eye contact with her. "She's part of an ongoing investigation. My partner is at her house right now."

"Okay. Well, seeing as you're the responding officer and a woman, you might want to gather yourself for a rape kit. She was woozy during initial examination, but agreed to press charges when we asked her if she'd been raped. "

"She said yes?" Her voice sounds foreign in the stark hospital room.

She pauses, and a dark look crosses her face. "Yes. During the initial examination, we found evidence of fairly recent sexual trauma."

Gaze flying over to the blonde lying in the bed, eyes still closed and looking as peaceful as Olivia had yet seen her, she let that information sink in. It's worse than she originally thought. If those guys did that to her after she'd already told them to steer clear, she'd kill whoever was still alive herself.

And Olivia nods. She knows what to do, she's been trained for this, but at the moment she's unable to think clearly. Hearing what the doctor just told her is shocking, and her heart aches for the woman in the bed. Now Olivia knows exactly how unspeakable the thing is that Alex's been through.

"Okay. How bad was the trauma?"

Eyes meeting Dr. Berdinez's, Olivia can see from her expression right away that it's really bad.

"Vaginal and anal tearing," she says quietly. "Bruises and cuts on her inner thighs and buttocks. Not to mention all the other bruises on her body."

"Shit," Olivia says aloud, although she meant to keep it inside her head. The doctor nods in agreement.

"Yeah," she says. "She should be waking up within the next ten minutes. So if you'll wait for her, we'll see if she wants to consent to a rape kit. But just so you know, it looks like she's showered recently."

Olivia's face falls and she runs a hand through her short hair. Damn it, she thinks. The doctor leaves her alone in the quiet room with Alex, so she pulls up the padded wooden chair next to the bed and waits.

It takes Alex longer than the nurse expected to wake up. Forty-five minutes later, Olivia is looking down at her phone, reading a text from Elliot about the crime scene when she hears a sharp intake of breath next to her. Her eyes lift to the figure on the bed. Alex's eyes have opened, she looks confused and is staring right at Olivia.

"Hey," Olivia says and sits up in the chair, leaning forward towards the blonde.

Alex blinks, and her blue eyes are cloudy as they look around and slowly bring their gaze back to Olivia. Her voice is raspy and she swallows thickly as she tries to speak.

"What happened?"

Shifting uncomfortably on the plastic padding of her chair, Olivia clears her throat.

"You, uh . . . You don't remember?"

Light eyebrows furrow together and Alex shakes her head.

"Well," Olivia starts. "After Stabler and I left your house earlier today, there was an altercation. A shooting actually."

Alex's eyes close briefly. Ah, yes. She's remembering now. A pained expression crosses her features. "Marcus and Vicente," she spits out quietly and her voice is still hoarse from disuse.

"Yeah, they were brothers. Vicente was your boyfriend right?"

Olivia knows Alex was lying about that during the traffic stop, but it won't hurt to dig for a little more information. A confused look captures Alex's face and she squints her eyes at the trooper.

"Were? You said 'were' and 'was'."

Realizing that Alex is ignoring that last question and focusing on the past tense, Olivia nods and scratches the side of her head. "Yeah. CSU is over there now, but it looks like someone, probably you judging by the gunshot residue on your hands, shot them both. And probably in self-defense judging by the bullet hole in your shoulder."

She points at Alex's shoulder and the blonde follows her gaze down, staring at the bandaged wound. A pink tongue darts out to wet dry lips and Alex's face scrunches up in thought.

"I remember feeling . . . very tired."

Olivia nods again. "I'd imagine so. The doctor said you were dehydrated. Almost malnourished, actually. And the blood loss didn't help."

"So they're dead?" Alex asks bluntly, ignoring these facts about her physical state.

"One of them is. The other is in critical condition at a different hospital," Olivia answers, and she watches Alex's expression closely. But Alex only closes her eyes again and lies back against the pillow. She's smart, Olivia thinks. She isn't going to give anything up right now. Trying a different angle won't hurt, however.

"The, uh, the doctor told me you have some residual trauma from before today."

Alex's eyes remain closed, but her brows squeeze together slightly. She doesn't respond.

"The doctor says you were raped, Alex," Olivia says softly and she watches as the blonde's jaw clenches and she opens her eyes, staring straight ahead.

After a moment, she turns her head to look at Olivia but says nothing. All the confirmation Olivia needs is in her eyes. They're hardened and almost empty of emotion, even worse than they were two days ago.

"She said you wanted to go ahead with the examination and press charges. So, pretty soon, we'll need to do the rape kit so we can prove that these guys hurt you."

But Alex only swallows and turns her gaze up to the ceiling, focusing on some unknown white tile. Hopefully she hasn't changed her mind, Olivia thinks.

"It's not too late," Olivia tries again, reaching across the plastic barrier that keeps patients from falling out of bed to lightly grasp Alex's hand. Immediately, the pale hand wrapped in a hospital bracelet shies away. Alex clutches the hand to her body, trying to keep it away from any further contact. Olivia backs off, realizing that she's getting nowhere with trying to touch and that pushing this woman too far and too fast is the wrong approach.

"Okay," Olivia says placatingly. "Can you tell me what happened? At your house, I mean?"

The blonde takes in a long breath, wincing as she lets it out. The pain medication must not be strong enough. She looks over again at Olivia and then back at the ceiling quickly. And just when Olivia thinks she's going to close her eyes and also herself up completely again, she starts talking quietly.

"I was going to kill myself today," she starts, and Olivia leans forward more to make out everything she says. Steeling her emotions, Olivia tries to keep her expression neutral at what she's hearing. It isn't what she anticipated. And it hits close to home.

"I, uh," and her voice breaks momentarily, cracking just a bit before she gets it back under control. It's obvious she's used to stuffing her emotions and feelings away so as not to give off any kind of weak image about herself. Olivia knows this sort of thing isn't easy to talk about.

"I thought it would be best if I wasn't alive anymore, because of my parents and my sisters and all the bad things that happened because of me."

"Alex," Olivia says, her voice not more than a whisper. She can't stop it from coming out, because this is unexpected, listening to someone who acts so strong and impenetrable on the outside being so internally twisted around. And she can't help but wonder if hers and Elliot's visit earlier in the day contributed to Alex's decision. It must have, or at least, it couldn't have helped. For sure, their visit prompted a subsequent visit from the brothers. She needs to know what happened at Alex's house after she and Elliot left.

Ignoring her, Alex goes on, and Olivia marvels that she's speaking about it at all. It could be the pain meds, altering her inhibitions.

"They threatened me, threatened my sisters, my parents. I didn't think they'd go through with it. But they did. They killed my parents when I quit my job. They didn't like that."

Olivia isn't sure without a doubt who 'they' is but she continues to listen in silence.

"So my sisters went away. I made them go. I couldn't take it if something happened to them too. But they didn't like that either."

She pauses, taking another deep breath as her eyes scan the ceiling.

"It was horrible, the things they did," and her mouth begins moving quickly, garbling up her speech and emitting nonsense. She's becoming delirious and Olivia doesn't know what to do. Touching her is iffy, but Olivia feels she needs to do something.

"They warned me," Alex mumbles, and Olivia turns her head to hear. "They did. They said they'd come back for me if I talked to th' cops. Cops. No cops."

Her eyes are closed now and she stops speaking after a while, settling down and falling back into unconsciousness. Damn them, Olivia thinks.

...


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N -Hello Hello! Thanks to those of you who are leaving reviews and letting me know your thoughts on the story so far. It's fun watching you squirm and try to figure out who's bad and who's good! Also, Olivia and Alex are always endgame in my book. Keep in mind the trigger warnings for this chapter. _

**(June 5****th**** wednesdsay)**

The lights in the room when Alex wakes up are dim. The curtains cover the window and block out what little light there's left in the day. After a moment, she remembers where she is. In the hospital. The trooper was here. Olivia Benson. Damned, meddling woman.

Alex looks around. The trooper is gone now and she realizes she's been asleep for a while. It's late in the evening and as Alex watches the light fade, the memories of what happened at her house rush back to her. A man is dead because of her, and she closes her eyes tightly, wishing her thoughts would go away.

All that blood, she thinks, it was too much blood. And a lot of it was hers. She looks down at her bandages and contemplates exactly how much she's lost. But just as she does, a doctor walks into her room.

"Hello Ms. Cabot, glad to see you're awake," she says. "I'm Dr. Berdinez. I talked to you before you went into surgery."

Alex watches as the doctor approaches the bed slowly and inspects the machines surrounding her. She vaguely remembers telling the doctor what happened and feels relieved that it's no longer hanging over her head.

"How are you feeling?" Her eyes are on Alex now and they're warm, comforting. Alex starts to shrug, but that's too painful. She goes for a grimace instead.

"Kind of woozy," she says quietly. The doctor smiles, leaning over Alex to check her I.V. She gestures at the bandages on Alex's shoulder. "May I?"

Alex nods, trusting the doctor to touch her bandages and nothing else. She presses gingerly, checking for any unusual pain and makes sure the bandages are still good. Satisfied, Dr. Berdinez stands up straight and steps back.

"Your surgery went well. We removed the bullet from your shoulder and replaced the blood you lost."

Staring at her, Alex nods dumbly. The fact that she had a bullet in her at all is too much to wrap her mind around.

"Where did Olivia go?" It is the first time Alex has said her first name and it sounds strange coming out of her mouth. The doctor smiles.

"She said she'd be back later. Said she had to go to the crime scene. Strange, that a trooper is working this case. They're usually out on the highways, aren't they?"

"Yeah, Stabler, the Ranger, recruited her to help," she says absently, but she's focused on the first thing the doctor said.

Crime scene. Shit, Alex thinks. Her house is a crime scene. And there is a dead body there. Vicente or Marcus, she isn't sure which. Probably Vicente because she had personally shot him point blank in the chest. And Cesar is out there somewhere still. If and when he finds out about what happened to his brothers, he'll be out for blood. Her blood.

Suddenly, she can't wait for the trooper to come back. It's either that or she'd like to have Vicente's gun handy again. But that's part of the investigation now.

…

And sure enough, Olivia does come back. Alex is sitting up, feeling much better and spooning green jello into her mouth. Several minutes before, Dr. Berdinez had stood at her bedside for a full ten minutes, refusing to leave until she agreed to eat at least something. Finally, she acquiesced, petulantly taking a bite of the slimy liquid-solid.

Dr. Berdinez meets Olivia in the hall, and Alex can see them talking just outside her room. Olivia's eyes drift over to where she's sitting. Leaning over in the bed, Alex supports herself on her good arm. She's feeling better and needs to let the duo know she doesn't appreciate being the subject of their secret conversations.

"Hey," she calls out, only half-joking. "Quit talking about me out there!"

Olivia smiles at her and says a few more unheard words to the doctor before walking into the room. Her expression is hesitant and apprehensive, looking like she doesn't quite know what to expect from Alex. And Alex can't blame her for that. She's been all over the map the past two days, and Olivia was there to see several episodes of it.

"Feeling better?" Olivia asks as she steps up to the bed and pulls the wooden chair up close.

Alex nods and sets her half-eaten jello on the tray. Inclining her head towards it, Olivia pulls a face.

"You like that stuff?"

Alex swallows the green goo and rolls her eyes, shaking her head. "That damned stubborn doctor wouldn't leave me alone unless I ate it."

"She's just looking out for you," Olivia says, eyeing the jello and holding back a grin.

"Kind of like you, huh?" Alex asks and Olivia's half-smirk fades away. She fixes Alex with a stare.

"Yeah," is all she says. Alex sits back against the bed and stares up at the ceiling. She's starting to realize now that this trooper means well, that she really is trying to help. Taking her eyes off the ceiling, she glances quickly over at Olivia and then back up.

Olivia is watching her. But Alex doesn't want to make eye contact. Not for long at least. There's something about those brown eyes. Something that makes it difficult to stare at her for long periods of time.

And all at once, Alex is overwhelmed by how much she's been carrying around, how much baggage she's been burdened with ever since that first trial. With all that overwhelming feeling, she decides she's had enough of trying to handle it all by herself. Olivia is here, not going anywhere, and has already made it clear she's willing to help.

"If I tell you everything that's happened, are you going to try and throw me in jail like that asshole Stabler?"

She turns and looks at Olivia's expression, which is stuck in a combination of exasperation and relief.

"I want to help you. And so does Elliot," Olivia says gently as she takes out an audio recorder and her notebook with the questions she already has written out. The physical examination and photographs, Olivia mentions quietly, they can take later. She turns the recorder on and sets it aside.

Trying hard not to roll her eyes, Alex shifts in the bed, trying to get comfortable in her scratchy hospital gown.

"Okay. So you're going to take my statement now?"

Olivia nods her head. "You're a prosecutor. You know how this works."

A hurt look passes over Alex's face. "_Was_ a prosecutor," she says quietly and the trooper backtracks.

"Why aren't you anymore?" Olivia asks and watches as Alex takes a deep breath, steeling herself for what she's about to let out.

"It started with just one case," Alex begins, her eyes over on the far wall as she remembers what happened. "I was assigned to prosecute this drug dealer who had several federal charges against him. It could have happened to anyone, I guess. But I just happened to be assigned this case.

"Anyway, I did a good job on it and the judge gave him 7-10 years. But he had family. Lots of family who wanted revenge."

"Is this guy related to these Velez brothers?" Olivia asks and her eyes remained glued to Alex as she nods.

"Yeah, cousins. Anyway, the family needed someone to blame and I guess I was the easiest target. I'm still not sure why I was targeted and not someone else, like the people on the jury or the judge." She closes her eyes briefly.

"So these masked men come to my office late one night and hold a gun to my head. They threatened to kill me."

"But they didn't," Olivia observes.

"Right. They're smarter than that. They said they wanted my cooperation in return for my life. What could I do?" Alex's eyes plead for understanding. "I agreed."

"What did they make you do?"

"They forced me to give up confidential files on other ongoing drug cases. I wanted to resist, but they threatened me. So I did it. It happened several times again after that and the guilt was eating me up. I almost went to the police with it." Her expression is one of regret. "I walked past there every day, willing myself to go in. And then one day, I passed by there and a man ran into me, handed me a file."

"A file," Olivia makes a note of that on her paper. "What was in it?"

"A picture of my parent's house, and my sister's houses, both of them. And a written promise that my family would be dead if I talked."

Olivia stays quiet, apparently marveling at how far these people immersed themselves in this woman's life.

"And then I got deeper into it. And they gave me money of course, which I put aside."

"Deeper into it, what does that mean?"

"They had me transporting the drugs, pounds and pounds of cocaine and marijuana, meth and heroine. From San Antonio to Dallas, another package to Houston. Another one back up to Dallas. Once to El Paso. It was never ending."

"Good god," Olivia says under her breath.

"Yeah," Alex agrees. "I quit my job because of all the pressure and guilt I felt, and Cesar didn't like that. It wasn't that big of a deal, I didn't think. But apparently it was to him."

"You had blown your perfect cover," Olivia observes. Pursing her lips, Alex reaches up with her right hand to push the still unwashed hair behind her ear. "Yeah, and he was pissed about it."

"He retaliated?" Olivia wonders aloud and Alex nods, tears filling her eyes immediately.

"My parents," she chokes out and Olivia can only watch as she struggles through the memory again.

"They killed my parents," she goes on. "They broke into their house and killed them both while they slept." She's crying now and Olivia sits uncomfortably on the edge of chair, looking unsure of what to do.

"Do you have any proof to use in a case against them? Is there any way to know for sure it was them?" Olivia asks hesitantly. Alex shakes her head, tears dripping onto her hospital gown. "Who else would it be? But they were good, didn't leave any trace evidence. And now everyone thinks that I did it . . .

"Then there was the funeral and all that and they confronted me again, afterwards. Said if I pulled something like that again, I could say goodbye to the rest of my family. And I believed them."

She takes a deep breath.

"But I couldn't risk anything else happening to the rest of my family. So as soon as I could get the money together, I went to see my sisters, one by one, gave them each some drug money so they could drive somewhere else, somewhere far away and not look back."

"Where did they go?" Olivia asks and Alex looks down at the folded hands in her lap.

"I don't know where they are. I did what I could. Gave them the cash and told them to get as far away as possible and I made sure their houses were taken care of."

"Why didn't you take off with them? You could've run away."

She continues looking down. "All the money is gone. I could've gone with them I suppose, but I would've just put them in danger. And I couldn't go anywhere else because I gave them all our parent's money and the drug money too."

Olivia listens and watches as Alex goes through everything again in her mind.

"Even if I had gone," she says. "I still saw them everywhere. The brothers. They're around every corner, waiting for me. Waiting to take me out. Me and my sisters. I see them even now. . ."

"Anyway," Alex bites her lip. "The final straw was when I refused to transport more drugs. I knew they would be furious, but I couldn't do it. I had to get my sisters out. So, they kidnapped me from my house last Monday after they found out my sisters were gone and after I refused one day to take another transport."

"That's where you got all these bruises?"

Her face goes even paler than before and she looks over at Olivia.

"Yeah. It was this little place outside the city. They kept me there for a week. In a room, hardly any food. Disgusting bathroom." Her voice wavers. "They beat me. . ." She hesitates. "Raped me." The last part she says quietly, looking down at the blanket and her hands.

"Okay," Olivia says, circling something on her notepad. "I know this is hard, but this is the part where you have to give me details. Now, it's okay if you don't remember everything. We can always go back and add things you think of later."

She knows what's next but doesn't want to talk about it, to relive it again. Gritting her teeth against the uprising bile in her throat, she breathes in deeply, steeling herself, trying to detach herself from what happened. It is hard, just like Olivia said it would be, but she manages to get most of everything that happened out. She tells Olivia how they tied her up, slapped her across the face and then used their fists on her body until she passed out.

When she has to talk about waking up that first day with Cesar inside her and his brothers watching, rubbing themselves through their jeans behind him, she almost loses it. But she doesn't. Instead, Alex has to repeat all the disgusting things Cesar let his brothers do to her, although he would never let them have a turn inside, he let them do everything else their perverted, disgusting minds could come up with.

This pattern continued throughout the week; whenever Cesar was angry or happy or just feeling rambunctious, they would drag her limp body from the back bedroom, where she laid on a damp, bare mattress that smelled like a decaying animal, back into the main room with the couch.

She finishes her story with that final night, when they were all drunk and beating her up again, tying her to the couch and forcing her to become aroused, until she was writhing and crying out beneath the ceiling fan. It was the worst part, without a doubt, feeling stimulated from what they were doing.

It's painful to go into everything that happened, every sick detail, but Alex knows this is necessary, that in order to convict Cesar and Marcus, if he lives, is to have enough evidence to prove her story is correct. And still, they would only go to prison for the rape, not for the murder of her parents. There still wasn't enough evidence.

Olivia jots down a few more words and looks up.

"Alex," she starts, but she doesn't quite know what else to say. Olivia's expression is pained.

"How'd you get away?"

"I got out yesterday. Escaped while they were all still asleep and hungover and stole one of their bikes."

Olivia's brows furrow. "And that's why you were going so fast. I have to admit, I was a little surprised to see a woman under that helmet when I pulled you over."

"Well, I learned to ride a motorcycle when I was younger. My uncle was obsessed with them. And my mother hated the death traps, as she called them. She was always worried about us being out there on the interstate with all the traffic." Alex pauses, lost in her memory for a moment before she goes on. "I was finally going to get away. That's where I was going when you stopped me. Running away from them."

"But you ended up coming back to town, why?"

"They caught back up to me before I could really get away, put the bike in their pickup and dropped me off at my house. They were making sure I wasn't planning to leave town."

"Shit, Alex. I knew something was after you, I just knew it."

"I would have come back anyway. I have nowhere else to go. No money. No job. Because of me, around ten guilty as hell drug offenders and dealers got off. And I've already transported so many drugs."

Tears begin rolling down her face and gentle sobs quake her body slightly, the tremors grow worse and worse as she continues to speak. Reliving all of the past week and now thinking of her parents and her sisters and everything she has tried in vain to do to protect them is overwhelming.

"And they wanted more," she squeezes her eyes shut, starting to struggle for air. "I c-couldn't do it. They wanted me to go for them full time. Cesar said he wanted me to m-move in with them. Wanted me to keep my house as a cover and a holding place for the product. That's what they told me when they picked me up yesterday."

Olivia looks alarmed as Alex takes in a deep breath. "And I just . . . I can't do it. He said I had to start really transporting drugs, handling the big stuff. And then I k-killed his brother. Shit. He's going to kill me. And he probably knows where my sisters are."

She's rambling, her heart rate monitor starts to beep faster.

"Alex," Olivia says, wishing she'd make eye contact and let Olivia touch her. But Alex isn't listening.

"There was so much blood. He's going to find me and kill me too. . ." Her chest begins heaving up and down and Olivia's eyes go wide. She is hyperventilating.

"Alex you have to calm down," Olivia says, reaching out to touch her but stopping at the last second. She reaches instead for the recorder, switching it off and slipping it into her pocket.

The blonde raises a shaky hand to grasp her hurt shoulder with her free hand, it hurts terribly from all the big breaths and sobbing.

"Listen to me," Olivia's voice is quieter now, but more urgent because Alex's heart rate monitor is going nuts. "You have to relax. I didn't tell the doctor about what you told me. That you tried to kill yourself."

Between deep breaths and through watery vision, Alex's eyes meet Olivia's. "I don't want to have to tell her. But I will. I will tell her and you'll be restrained."

And gradually, slowly, her breaths slow down. She begins to regain control and her eyes close as she breathes in once more, deeply. That's the last thing she wants. To be tied up again.

A few moments later, Alex's heart rate is back to normal. Her hand grasps the sheet and she sits back against the pillow.

"I . . .um, thank you for not saying anything."

Olivia nods and relaxes back into her chair.

"You remember yesterday, when you asked me if I had a death wish, riding the motorcycle like that?" Olivia nods, grimacing at the reminder of what not to say to someone who is visibly shaken up and whose parents have recently been killed.

"You were right about that," she says, making brief eye contact. "I wouldn't have minded getting myself killed on it. Running off the road would have been quick."

Olivia's hair moves into her eyes as she shakes her head. Hastily, she pushes it back.

"Not in my experience, Alex. Unless you hit something stationary, you would have been injured, yes, but alive and in serious pain."

She shrugs. "Maybe. But, I feel like I should tell you that today and yesterday weren't the only times I thought seriously about killing myself."

But Olivia stares at her, unwilling to let this subject stand between them unaddressed. "Alex, I'm sorry if this seems . . . I don't know, too soon, but I don't think you want to die."

"What makes you think that?" Alex asks, brows furrowing because she has wanted to die. On many occasions, she wished for death to take her away and end her misery.

"I've seen people who really wanted to die. You just told me you escaped from them. You have survival instincts and I don't think it's in you to give up. You might say you don't care but your actions are saying something different."

Alex opens her mouth to speak, but can't think of anything to say. She can only watch as a flurry of emotions cross Olivia's face. One of them, she thinks she can interpret right away. It looks like Olivia feels sorry for her. Like she feels bad that Alex has gone through all this.

"Don't pity me," Alex says scathingly. "I was going to kill myself. They just happened to show up at the right time for me, wrong time for them."

Olivia's expression doesn't change, and now it looks more like determination than pity. "I'm not pitying. Honestly, I'm not. I was thinking about my . . ." she hesitates, shakes her head and changes course. "But you didn't do it. You didn't take your life. That's the thing. You escaped the cartel, even if temporarily. You stood up to them and I'm actually in awe of that."

Alex takes note of her hesitation. And that Olivia has misread her. "You shouldn't be. I'm an idiot. Bravery, courage. It's idiotic."

"Depends on who you're talking to."

Alex shakes her head disbelievingly. "You would admire that."

Cocking an eyebrow, Olivia tilts her head. "What, because I'm a cop?"

It's too difficult to suppress the smirk. "You're a _trooper_, actually. And no. It's because you're the heroic type, the protagonist who swoops in to save the day."

Smiling, Olivia sits back and crosses her arms. "Is that really what you think of me?"

When Alex nods, the brunette shrugs in agreement. "I can't help that."

"I know," Alex says and stares up at the ceiling. Olivia takes a deep breath, wanting to press for information but she realizes it must be done delicately.

"What was the breaking point today, after Elliot and I left your house?"

Blue eyes meet brown as she turns her head to the side again. "It was you and Elliot visiting that set everything in motion. Cesar's treating this like some sort of abusive relationship. He apologized for hurting me, was sweet, tender. Until I refused to kiss him goodbye, that is. That's where I got this one," she points to the blueish-green bruise on her chin and cheek. Olivia grimaces.

"He gave me more money, said they would keep me safe. From the police. He said I needed protection because I was in deep now. Said I better not talk to you again and if I did, it would be a very bad thing for me. And then you two showed up."

"And they found out. I'm sorry, we didn't know."

"I know you didn't," Alex says softly. "He said he would find out where my sisters were. I don't know if he's lying."

"So when we left this morning is when you were going to do it?" Olivia asks, and Alex shrugs. That's when she felt the most helpless. When she felt that ending it would solve all of her problems. And it might have. Cesar might have given up and left the rest of her family alone. But then again, he might not have. Thankfully her survival instincts were stronger than her desire to end her life.

"We can hide them. Put them in protective custody," Olivia says helpfully.

"I know you can."

"What about you?" Olivia asks.

"What about me?"

"Do you want protective custody too?"

Alex's voice is hollow, but she sounds determined. "I just want my sisters safe."

Olivia watches her for a moment and then Alex speaks again, her eyes on something across the room. "And by the way, the clothes I was wearing this past week might still have some of their . . . DNA on them. They're in my trash can."

"Okay, we'll get the rest of your statement about what happened at your house later."

And a few minutes later, Alex can't seem to keep her eyes open. All this talking and verbalization of her feelings has taken everything out of her. She drifts off, and the last thing she sees is Olivia watching her. Comforting is the only word she can come up with for how that feels.

...

She opens her eyes and the room is dark. Something woke her up and she can't figure out what it was. A warm, but foreign pressure near her chest alerts her. She squints down in the darkness and sees a figure, curled up sideways in the hospital chair, head back on the backrest and mouth open. It's Olivia. She's still there and is asleep in her clothes, but her arm is extended, reaching out to the bed.

And Alex, horrified, realizes that she has hold of Olivia's hand and has been clutching it close to her chest as she slept. How this happened, she has no idea. Surely it must be uncomfortable for the trooper; Alex watches the still sleeping woman not move an inch, she only takes deep, steady breaths. Slowly and carefully, Alex releases the hand and it twitches on the bed. That must have been what woke me up, she thinks. The arm must be asleep and she twitched in her sleep, probably didn't even realize it because it's numb.

Alex turns over onto her good shoulder and closes her eyes. Strange, that she'd been so averse to being touched before, especially after the photographs and the questions and the probing, and now here she is, holding on to the trooper's arm like some sort of teddy bear.

As she falls back to sleep, she thinks about what Olivia said, or didn't say rather, earlier in their conversation. About knowing someone who really wanted to kill themselves. Struggling to stay awake and think about it more, she loses that battle and her mind goes blank as she drifts away.

...

The next time she wakes up, dawn has settled on the room and the bright early sun is in her eyes through the window. She turns back towards Olivia's chair and is conflicted about the feelings that roll through her when she sees that it's empty. Why do I feel like this?


	6. Chapter 6

A/N - trigger warning for self harm, pregnancy scares/prevention.

Thanks for reading! Ya'll make this a fun process and encourage me to continue writing, so again . . . thank you.

* * *

**(Thursday june 6)**

"Good morning, Ms. Cabot," a cheerful voice calls out from the doorway. Alex opens her eyes. She's been snoozing, sitting halfway up in the bed while she waits to be released. Dr. Berdinez only wanted to keep her two nights for observations and to monitor her healing. Her IV is out and the heart monitor has been pushed up against the wall. She feels much better after pushing fluids all of yesterday and this morning and eating a little of the tasteless hospital cafeteria food.

"Morning," Alex says as she reaches down for the bed remote. It buzzes and vibrates gently as the bed's back inclines steeper and she's able to see the doctor comfortably. She flips open Alex's chart, eyes scanning the words and numbers and read outs behind opaque reading glasses.

"How's it looking?" Alex asks hesitantly, wanting desperately to get out of the hospital bed for good, for something other than walking with cold feet on colder tile to the coldest bathroom she's ever been in. But at the same time, she has nowhere to go. Her house is a wreck, she's sure, not to mention the fact that it's still a crime scene. And then there's Cesar.

The doctor's eyes meet her own over the glasses and she smiles. "It looks good. Your temperature is perfect, no sign of fever or infection."

She reaches down and Alex only flinches slightly as the doctor's hand makes contact with her hospital gown, moving it to the side to check beneath the bandages. "Entry wound is healing nicely already."

Nodding, Alex looks off to the side for a moment. This is the embarrassing part. But, she has to know.

"And what about . . ." Alex hesitates, even though she knows what she wants to ask and knows that it shouldn't be hard because this woman is a medical professional, but she can't help it.

"The STDs?" Dr. Berdinez finishes for her. Alex nods gratefully.

"Your initial pelvic exam was normal, but all the swabs we took, the urine test and your blood sample will all be back in a couple of days for your initial HIV test and all the usual STDs. And as for the next HIV test, we won't know for sure for a while. You'll come back in two weeks on the 19th for an antibody test, and then again in a month or so. Sometimes it takes a while to show up."

Alex nods, eyes wide and threatening to fill up with tears again. She's sick of crying but can't seem to help it. The tears just want to keep coming out.

"And what about the plan B or the IUD?"

Dr. Berdinez smiles uncomfortably.

"You said the first unprotected assault took place a week ago. And the window for plan B is 72 hours before it really starts losing its effectiveness. There is a chance, however, if one of your eggs has been fertilized already, it will stop the egg from attaching to your uterus. But if implantation already took place, it will be a different story. The emergency coil, however, has a better window of about five days so it's likely that we stopped any unwanted pregnancy."

A deep breath of air fills her lungs. God, she doesn't know what she'll do if he's made her pregnant from the rape.

"Okay," Alex says and looks up, meeting the doctor's kind eyes. "Thanks. I appreciate everything."

"You're very welcome. But there's really no need to thank me. It's my job, you know."

"I know. But you could have been cold and clinical and uncaring. You weren't any of those things. So thank you."

Dr. Berdinez can only smile. She takes one last look through Alex's charts.

"Okay, if you don't have any more questions you're cleared to leave. But I want you to keep that sling on for a week. Take your antibiotics and be wary of any discomfort or swelling or redness around the entry wound and also sores or anything like that in other places." She raises her eyebrows meaningfully and Alex nods her understanding.

"I'll be on the lookout."

"Great. See you in two weeks then. Let me know if anything turns up."

"Okay," Alex says. She means the potential little Velez cells multiplying inside her. The thought makes her want to vomit.

"Oh, and someone is here to see you," the doctor says as she turns to go.

Her stomach does a strange flip as Alex pictures a particular dark-eyed trooper walking through that door to say good morning. It's similar to the strange feeling she had yesterday morning when her eyes opened and Olivia was no longer at her bedside. She went all day yesterday only seeing the trooper once and wishing for more. But the person who walks through the door is not Olivia, and again her disappointment befuddles her.

It's Elliot, and he has a familiar-looking duffle bag in hand.

"Hello, Ms. Cabot," Elliot says brightly, eyes shining in the sun streaming through her window. She rolls her eyes immediately. Anyone but him, she thinks.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice drips with malice. And just a hint of jest. Perhaps he's not all that bad.

His eyebrows raise indignantly. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, where is Olivia? Because all you want to do is lock me up."

He smiles and looks down, expression unreadable and Alex stares at him, wishing to the moon and back she could read his thoughts.

"She's waiting for you, actually. She received a threat to her life this morning."

Alex's hands go to her face, and she rubs over it tiredly. "Velez knows who she is."

It is a statement, a known fact rather than a question and Elliot nods in silent agreement.

"Right. The state has you both under protective custody while we hunt down Cesar. And that means a free stay at one of the most mediocre hotels in San Antonio."

"Great," Alex groans as she scratches the side of her head. Her greasy hair could use a wash, badly. At the moment, it doesn't bother her in the slightest what Elliot might think of her appearance. All she wants is a shower.

"The doc says you're cleared to go?"

"Yes," Alex looks around, mentally inventorying everything she came in with. It's not much. "What's in the bag?"

He holds it up. "Liv threw some stuff together from your house once CSU got out of there. She thought you'd need a couple changes of clothes."

She stares at him for a moment. One, Elliot called her 'Liv' which all at once flips her stomach and pisses her off. He hasn't known Olivia much longer than she has and already he's calling her by a nickname. A cute nickname, if she is being honest with herself. She shakes her head. That's an inappropriate thought. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Okay, I'll change and be right out," she says as she throws the covers back and swings her legs out over the side. Elliot watches as she gathers herself slowly and sets her weight gingerly on her feet, supporting herself with her good arm.

"You need any help?" He says with a comically hopeful look and wide eyes. Her head whips over towards Elliot and she shoots him her most fierce, get-the-fuck-outta-here expression she can manage.

"If I do, send in a nurse," Alex grumbles, taking slow steps towards him to grab the bag and head into the bathroom. The door clicks loudly behind her in the stark bathroom. She sits down on the closed toilet seat and unzips the duffle awkwardly with one hand. This is going to take some getting used to.

Inside the bag, she spots four or five changes of clothes, all folded neatly and organized into sections. Pants and shorts over here, then shirts, and in the far corner are a hastily thrown in pile of underwear and bras.

So the trooper had been in her house and in her drawers and seen her entire bedroom and bathroom too by the looks of her full cosmetic and toiletries case. Alex is unsure how to feel about that. Granted, she told Olivia where to find her soiled clothes, but the thought of her actually in there without Alex present makes her feel uneasy. Grateful, certainly, to have a clean change of clothes and a toothbrush, but also strangely shy and nervous that Olivia was there in the first place.

After shimmying her hospital gown off and onto the tiles, she struggles with the bra and the shirt, eventually deciding to hell with it and unclipping her sling for a moment. It's much easier, without it, to put her clothes on. But when Alex has to reach up to pull on a t-shirt, an old San Antonio Spurs basketball shirt she doesn't remember buying she's had it so long, her entry wound screams in protest.

"Unghh," she groans, gritting her teeth and pulling the shirt the rest of the way on. The sweatpants are easier, and she does her best not to look at the still-present, yellow-green bruises all over her thighs.

But finally she's fully dressed with the sling back on and looks at herself for a moment in the mirror. Her eyes are gaunt with dark circles and her skin is far too pale for someone living in heat like this during the summer. But Alex does look better than the day before when she had to support her weight on the IV stand just to get to the bathroom. She'd almost screamed when she looked in the mirror that time and thought a ghost was staring back at her.

When she's ready, she picks up the duffle and slowly makes her way out of the bathroom and over to Elliot, where a wheelchair waits for her. She's both resentful and thankful for it.

Elliot takes the bag from her and crams in the extra stuff she points out to him around the room as she sits gingerly in the chair. "Okay, got it," he says, straightening up and looking around.

"Ready?"

She nods and the morning nurse hands her a clipboard with discharge forms and instructions for care of her wound and warnings for her pain meds. Alex's hand shakes only a little as she signs it and hands it back, keeping the pamphlet for her wound and affords a tight smile to the nurse who steps behind the chair and pushes her slowly next to Elliot down the hall and towards the exit.

* * *

It's still unbearably hot when Alex steps out of the car before Elliot can hustle around the side and open the door for her. She laughs inwardly at his attempt to do so. It's fun to watch him jog around and have to stand back and wait as she's already out and shutting the door. But he does helpfully grab the duffle bag from the back seat and locks the door behind him.

They're around the back and Alex glances around towards the front of the hotel. Elliot looks back at her as they begin to walk towards the door. He catches the confused look on her face.

"We can't go through the front. There are cameras and a desk clerk up there. Besides, we've already got the room and Liv's waiting up there for you."

"Oh," Alex mouths. She falls into a slow pace beside him; the door opens with a click after he slides the key card through the slot. There are three flights of stairs to walk up and it takes her a while because her energy levels aren't what they were over a week ago. A couple of times, she has to pause at the railing, not sure if she's going to pass out or not, but eventually makes it to the top without so much as a teasing word from Elliot.

She doesn't quite know what to expect when Elliot slides the key into the door for room 316, but when the door swings inside, the first things she sees are the two beds and Olivia seated at the small desk near the window. Adjoining rooms would have made this easier at least, she can't help but think.

Papers and files and photographs that were previously spread out along the desk are now being shuffled unceremoniously together and stuffed into a large folder. Olivia straightens up and smiles at her as she looks around the small room. Elliot, behind her, tosses the duffle bag onto the far bed and it lands with a little bounce.

"Hey," Olivia says simply, following the blonde's gaze around the room and Alex returns the smile as best she can. "Sorry about the tight living quarters. Apparently the state thinks the best and cheapest way to protect you is to keep us both in here."

Alex nods understandingly and can't help but feel incredibly awkward standing there with nothing really substantial to say in return. She settles for a question. "I hear I'm not the only one who needs protection though, right?"

The bed closest to the door depresses when Elliot sits on the edge of it. Her feet tingle and her legs have started trembling as Alex continues to stand in the small path between the beds and desks. Finally, she gives in and moves to the opposite bed, sitting close to the bedside table, as far from both of them as she can get. Olivia's knowing brown eyes watch her every movement.

"Yeah, there was an inside tip from the DEA about Velez's part of the cartel. Apparently some of his cousins in Mexico are talking about what's happened up here. And Cesar knows about a female cop who's trying to help out the woman responsible for one of his brother's deaths."

At the mention of Cesar's brother, even the mention of Cesar would have been enough, Alex shivers involuntarily. It's not a pleasant thing to think about. She nods and folds her hands over in her lap, staring down at them and wondering what she should say next.

Elliot slaps his knees lightly as he stands and Alex looks up to follow his movements.

"Luckily for me," he says brightly. "The cartel guys either don't know who I am, or haven't talked about me yet to our inside source. So I'm going to get you two some food and scope out the area. Any requests?"

Olivia shrugs and looks over at Alex, who doesn't care much either way. It's not like she's going to eat much of anything. The thought of food makes her queasy.

"No? Okay, then," Elliot says as he heads for the door. "My choice. Can't guarantee you'll love it though."

When the door closes gently behind him, Olivia gets up from her swiveling chair, strides to the door and deadbolts it, turning back to Alex with a hesitant grin.

"You never can be too careful."

Alex raises an eyebrow. "The door wasn't deadbolted when Elliot let us in a minute ago."

Tilting her head, Olivia meets her gaze. "Well, it was just me in here before. Now you're here."

"But you've been threatened too. Aren't you afraid the cartel is going to bust the door down and take you out?" They are bold words for someone who has been recently kidnapped and tortured by the very people she is making a poorly timed and probably not funny remark about. Olivia pats her right side reassuringly.

"I'm not afraid of anything."

Alex eyes her skeptically because everyone's afraid of _something._

_"_That's not so hard to believe," Alex counters, looking her up and down, making an attempt at least not to make it overly sultry. "But what if you didn't have your gun?"

Olivia looks at the ceiling thoughtfully and purses her lips. "Well that changes things a bit. For example, I would be afraid of someone else's gun if I only had a knife to defend myself with. But in most situations, I think I can take care of myself."

"But what about the big picture? I'm terrified something's going to happen to my family. It's always been my worst fear."

Olivia doesn't meet her eyes, and for the first time with the trooper, Alex thinks she may have found a weak spot. She ignores the feelings that surface from her admission, that her own worst fears have come true over the past several months.

"I don't have any family to be terrified for."

And judging by Olivia's tone, it's obvious she doesn't want to speak any more about it, so Alex keeps her mouth shut, now thoroughly admonished. She sits for a moment more on the bed and the silence grows between them.

Someday, she'll ask what happened with Olivia's family. But right now doesn't seem like the right time. Right now, all she can really focus on is getting clean. The clean clothes help a bit, but her hair is starting to itch from having not washed it in so long.

She stands up, grabs for the duffle in her strong hand and rummages through it, gathering together another change of clothes and her toiletries. When she turns towards the bathroom, Olivia steps out of her way.

"You need any help?" She's looking at Alex's slinged arm, but the blonde shakes her head. It sounds much nicer coming from Olivia's mouth than Elliot's.

"I've got it. And thanks by the way for getting all this for me."

"You're welcome."

The bathroom door closes behind her and she depresses the lock, pausing for a moment after it clicks, wondering if she ought to leave it unlocked just in case she slips and falls and breaks her back. She rolls her eyes.

A little old locked door isn't nearly enough to stop the force that is Trooper Benson, that's for damn sure. And with that reassuring thought, she strips off her still-decent smelling clothes, pausing again when she has to take off her shirt and wincing at the tearing sensation along her wound.

The bandages are still intact, and she'll have to change them out and reapply some antibiotic ointment to the area a little later in the evening. But for now, the bandages need to stay dry, so her only option is a bath. She runs the water, as hot as it will go, and waits along the tub for it to fill up.

The water bubbles and steams as it floods through the faucet and the sound of it is soothing against her chaotic, scrambling mind. She gets in when the water is halfway up, leaving the drain open as her body protests greatly against the harsh temperature change. It's far too hot to be enjoyable, but she descends until her lower half is sitting backwards in the tub, her back to the faucet.

It's soothing, almost, the pain the searing water paints onto her skin, and when she tilts her head back, minding her shoulder, it burns like fire over her face and through her hair. The hot water isn't good for the hair, Alex knows that, but for some reason, the pain makes her feel alive. She'd never really understood people who self-harmed, why they did it, how hurting themselves could somehow ease the pain they were already feeling. But now it seems to make perfect sense.

It's about feeling something, feeling something she's completely in control of and using it to feel alive.

After a while, she leans up and reaches gingerly for the shampoo, struggling to open it with and pour it in one hand. Eventually she resigns herself to squirting it out directly onto her head. With her good arm, she works the lather through most of her hair, doing the best she can with one arm. Once she has it all rinsed out under the faucet, she says to hell with the conditioner, and lets the shampoo water drain from the tub.

When it's clear, she closes the drain and flips slowly around so that she's facing the faucet now and leans back, careful to keep her shoulders out of the water. Finally, after it's all filled up again, she relaxes, breathing in the steam and letting her mind untangle itself for just a brief few minutes. Her hands, floating ghost-like in the clear water, feel weightless and foreign, like they don't belong to her. She can't bear to look at the rest of her body.

Closing her eyes, Alex pictures for a moment what her life would be like if none of this had happened, if she'd never been assigned to the Velez cousin's case. But her mind can't come up with a mental picture, it stubbornly refuses.

Instead, it summons unwanted images of her sisters all lined up and wearing black at her parent's funeral, both dead before they'd turned completely grey. She sees images of a menacing-looking Cesar chasing after her sisters in his big black truck with the grill guard and the over large tires. And then she pictures Cesar and his brothers, taking turns touching her body, tied up and helpless, watching that fucking ceiling fan uselessly turning around and around.

She gasps as she sits up in the water, wincing immediately at the pain it causes in her shoulder. Realizing she's fallen asleep, Alex looks around for what woke her up. She hears it again.

It's a light knocking at the bathroom door.

"Alex, you okay in there?" It's Olivia, Alex thinks while closing her eyes and breathing out her held air.

"I'm fine. Just finishing up now." Alex wonders briefly how long she slept; it's long enough for the water to turn cold, but she doesn't linger any more in the bath. After she finishes washing and rinsing the necessary parts of her body, Alex stands up and shivers in the chilly bathroom air, reaching for one of the scratchy hotel towels neatly folded over the toilet.

She pulls on her clothes slowly, being more careful this time not to further injure herself and gathers up her things to leave the bathroom.


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N - another sort of filler chapter, but some good important info in here. Exciting times ahead! _

**Thursday June 6**

They're settled in and sitting in a relatively comfortable silence, with Alex staring at the quietly playing television, and Olivia looking out the window at the street below, her body mostly hidden behind the curtains. A knock sounds at the door and Alex's eyes fly over to the trooper, who whips around and grabs for her gun, moving quickly over to the door. She stands against the wall, gun pointed at the floor and calls out.

"Who's there?"

Whoever it is raps out a shave and a haircut rhythm and a voice follows it. "It's me, open up."

Olivia is satisfied with the voice; she unlatches the deadbolt and pulls the door open, standing aside as Elliot comes in the room with a large shopping bag in each hand. The trooper eyes the bags and wills her stomach not to growl so loudly at the thought of what might be in there. It's been a good few hours since she's eaten anything substantial.

"Hey ladies," Elliot says, lifting the bags to the dresser. There's a mini-fridge next to the television and he begins unpacking several items into it. Olivia watches as several water bottles, a package of lunchmeat, cheese and a small bottle of mustard are tossed haphazardly inside.

"I figured y'all would get hungry later, so I brought some extra stuff."

"What did you bring for right now?" Olivia asks hopefully.

He empties more items from the bags.

"I've got a couple salads, sandwiches, some soup for now," he grins when he holds up a separate paper bag. "And I even made a stop at Bill Miller's for some barbeque."

"Oh, you're a saint," Olivia sighs as she reaches for the barbeque bag. Inside, there is a small container of brisket, one of sausage, and another of their smoked turkey. She sets it next to the potato salad and coleslaw, and rubs her hands together before turning back to Alex.

"You hungry?"

Alex shrugs, expression uninterested. "I'll have some soup, I guess."

"You're missing out," Olivia says with her mouth full of a piece of brisket. It's delicious and still hot. "This is great, Elliot, thanks."

He nods and rummages around in the other bag. "No problem. I would stay and eat with you two, but I've gotta get home. It's Maureen's birthday."

Alex stares at him blankly and Olivia inclines her head to the ranger. "He's got four kids," she says with wide eyes.

"Wow," Alex says. "That's a lot of mouths to feed."

"Sure is," Elliot agrees. "Oh, and I got you a few magazines and some books I saw at the store. In case you get bored all cooped up in here."

"We will be, I'm sure," Olivia remarks. Alex sits up, adjusting her sling slightly and looks pointedly at Elliot.

"So we're not allowed to leave the room at all? No workout room or business center or pool?"

He pulls a face and glances at Olivia. "That's probably not a good idea. The pool is outdoors and you might be seen, and there's a chance someone else might see you if either of you are wandering around the hotel."

She nods, understanding the risks, but her expression reveals how unhappy she is with the whole situation. But it's better to be alive and stuck in here than out there and dead, Olivia supposes.

"Okay," Elliot says as he gathers up his things to leave. "If you need anything else, Liv, just text me on the new phone. Both of you, remember not to use your old phones for anything. Keep them turned off, just in case."

"Got it," Olivia says and looks over at the blonde.

"No problem here. I don't even know where my old phone is. Somewhere in the wilderness, I'm guessing."

"You've got a new one there, important numbers programmed in, just in case." He points to the dresser at a nondescript flip phone. Alex doesn't bother looking at it, Olivia notes. Elliot rubs his hands together and smiles at the duo.

"Okay. See you tomorrow then. Hopefully we'll have more of an idea where Cesar is by then."

They tell him goodbye and Olivia follows him again to the door, dead bolting it and pulling the chain across it, just to be safe.

Olivia stands at the dresser and makes herself a plate of food with the plastic dishware Elliot brought. When she's satisfied with it, she grabs the container of soup and a spoon and heads over to the opposite bed, handing the soup off before she sits down and props her socked feet on the sheets.

"Thanks," Alex says, sitting up and taking the lid off the soup container and smelling it.

"What kind did he get?" Olivia asks conversationally.

"Tomato basil. Smells good."

"Good. I'll put the rest of the barbeque in the fridge later in case you get hungry again. I know I will."

Alex gives up a small smile and turns her attention to the television. She's been flipping absently through the channels all afternoon and hasn't found anything really worth watching.

"You care what we watch?"

Olivia shakes her head but doesn't speak, as her mouth is currently full of potato salad. Shrugging, Alex settles on an I Love Lucy rerun and sets the remote on the bedside table. Trying not to watch Alex too closely, Olivia focuses on the television.

Three marathoned black and white episodes later, Olivia is stuffed to the gills with barbeque and is smirking at Lucy accidentally cutting a dress-shaped section from her carpet. Olivia turns to see if Alex thinks that is as funny as she does, and she grins wider at what she sees.

The blonde is most definitely asleep sitting up, empty soup container in her lap and hands limp on the covers next to her legs. Her mouth is slightly open and looks like she's just recently closed her eyes. After her shower, Alex came out of the bathroom with a pair of dark framed glasses on, and they are slipping slowly off her nose as her head tilts down.

She's gorgeous, Olivia finds herself thinking. Even in sweats and with her hair all a mess from the shower and her glasses tilted on her nose. Even though her mouth is hanging open and she's asleep, she looks relaxed and peaceful. She's gorgeous, Olivia thinks again and then shakes her head. Not a good thing to think about right now. Not a good thing at all to be thinking about.

Olivia swings her legs quietly over the side of the bed and stands up, gently removing the soup carton from Alex's lap and gathering up her own plate. She straightens up the dresser and puts the leftovers up in the mini fridge. It all barely fits, but she makes it work.

It's late, and the typical long summer evening is drawing to a close, the room grows darker and darker as the minutes pass. Thinking that Alex needs rest more than anything else, Olivia approaches the bed slowly and speaks her name quietly. Alex stirs briefly, but doesn't wake.

"Alex," louder this time, and now she opens her eyes and fixes them on Olivia. They're cloudy for a moment, as if she's trying to remember where she is and why there's a stranger standing in front of her.

"Yeah?"

"It's getting dark. You want to get ready for bed?"

"Mmm."

She's still half asleep and she doesn't bother with going to the bathroom or changing clothes again. Olivia figures she's probably comfortable enough and probably so exhausted she doesn't care to brush her teeth or whatever else consists of her nightly routine. Alex places her glasses on the bedside table and crawls under the covers and turns on her left side, facing away from Olivia within a few seconds. A hiss comes from beneath the blankets and the blonde turns back to her right side, keeping her eyes closed without looking at Olivia. And before long, she's breathing regularly, deeply.

It's not quite 9 pm yet and Olivia isn't tired. She'd like more than anything right now to go down to the exercise room and jog a couple miles or so on the treadmill, maybe see what kind of weights they have and lift a bit. But that's off limits. Hmm, she thinks. Push-ups on the floor maybe?

Looking down at the floor, it seems clean enough. But when her eyes fall on Alex's sleeping form, she pauses. It might wake Alex up, exerting herself on the floor. She bites her lip wondering what she ought to do for the next few hours until she falls asleep. The TV is still on Lucy and she's tired of sitting and watching it now. The briefcase and folders containing all the information on the case calls out to her from the floor next to the desk.

Olivia gives in, striding silently over to it and pulling out a few pages. As she reads, she walks back and forth through the room, taking care not to run into anything and make any noise that might wake her sleeping companion.

An hour later, she's got all the papers spread out on her still-made bed, and she's stuck on a photograph of Alex's parents. They're dead. And Olivia can't stop staring at their picture. She can't get over the guilt and horror and sadness Alex must be feeling over what happened. Olivia had already been secretly working for Velez for about a year when all of this took place back in December. The brothers, Cesar mainly, had been careful about keeping Olivia updated on a need-to-know basis. Chancing a look over at the sleeping woman, Olivia notices her stir slightly.

A moment later, she stirs again, this time drastically more than the first time. And she begins mumbling in her sleep, her arms all at once flail out to the side, trying to fend off an imagined attacker.

Olivia doesn't know what to do, but she doesn't have to wait long to figure it out because Alex sits up suddenly and takes in a deep, gasping breath. It must have hurt, moving her injured arm like that.

Eyes still on her, Olivia waits until Alex opens her eyes. When she does, their gazes meet and Olivia has to close her mouth because she's sure she's staring.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" Alex says, her voice not more than a whisper. Her good hand trails up her shirt to her injury and she grimaces in pain.

Olivia shakes her head. "No, I was awake."

Alex looks at all the papers and pictures spread all around and Olivia resists the urge to hide it all from her. She's not really supposed to see any of it, but Olivia hadn't thought she'd wake up like this.

"You okay?"

Alex nods. She lies back down and closes her eyes. Odd, Olivia thinks, that she seems completely uninterested in all the information about her case. She didn't bat an eye when she saw it, and now she's back to sleep, even after what seemed like a nightmare.

Again, she gets out of bed and grabs for her cell phone, her old cell phone, to be exact. She's not supposed to be using it of course, because her life has been 'threatened'. But that's all a cover and it's her only way of safely contacting Cesar.

She sneaks out in the hall, letting the door close behind her with a quiet click and pulls open the phone, dialing the number she knows by heart because it wouldn't do for a state trooper to have a contact labeled 'Cesar Velez' in her phone. He answers on the third ring, his thick accent assaulting her ears over the line briefly in English. She hates his voice; it's cruel and malicious. And he's insisted from the beginning that she speak in Spanish whenever she's around him.

"Hey, I've got her here."

"You do?" he sounds unsure.

"Yeah," Olivia says, by now used to his chauvinistic attitude. Of course he would think she wasn't capable of monitoring Alex by herself. "I'm making sure she doesn't bolt."

"What did she tell you in the hospital?" His voice sounds different than usual. Colder. But that's what happens to a person who's lost a family member, she knows that from experience.

"Everything." She wants him to know exactly how horrendous it is, what he's done to Alex. There isn't even a word that can accurately describe the nature of what's happened. Maybe Alex knows one. She's a lawyer, good with words.

"Everything, huh? The bitch probably told you all sorts of lies." She shakes her head although no one can see her.

"She looked pretty messed up, Cesar. What happened to just roughing her up a bit, scaring her into doing what you want?"

"Don't get smart with me. We did what we had to do."

"But raping her?"

He's silent for a moment. Long enough to tell Olivia the truth. "She's a lying whore."

What else can she say? She's just a pawn in this game, and one wrong move can set him over the edge, can end it all for her. He's delicate, moody, and she knows how careful she must be to stay in this. So she stays quiet.

"And she deserves a lot worse than that after what she did to my brothers."

Quiet again.

"What, you got nothing to say to that?"

"Cesar," she starts, taking her time and thinking out every word. "You didn't tell me you were sending them to her house. I had just visited her place and I didn't know she was armed."

"Yeah, I heard about your visit. And neither did I. What was the gun she used?"

This one is going to make him mad. "It was Vicente's."

Now it's Cesar's turn to be quiet. How that happened, how Alex managed not only to escape from these guys, but also to steal one of their weapons and use it later to defend herself, Olivia has no idea.

"And Marcus, how is he?" For such a hardass drug dealer and supplier, Cesar has one thing going for him. He certainly cares about his family. This is what concerns Olivia the most. Right now, Cesar is looking for revenge. And that makes the situation precarious for Alex. And for Olivia, being stuck now in the middle of it. But at the moment, she's Alex's only hope for survival.

"Better, still in the hospital, but he's awake and in custody. They've handcuffed him to the bed."

He makes a noise, a frustrated, pissed-off noise. "Bitch almost killed my entire family in one day."

Olivia stays quiet at the irony of that statement. Same thing happened to Alex back in December. Odd how he doesn't think of it that way.

"Can you get my brother back to me?"

She rolls her eyes. "What do you want me to do? Barge in there and kill the guards and wheel him out in a wheelchair?"

"You think you can manage it?"

God, he's an idiot, she thinks.

"No, Cesar, I can't manage it." He makes another noise and she hopes she hasn't pissed him off too badly. He's just not being realistic.

"And what about making sure she takes the fall for her parents' murders. How's that going?"

"Same. She has no alibi and the Rangers still think she might have done it. They just need evidence."

"I'm sure there's something you can do about that," he says cryptically and Olivia hesitates. She decides to let it go and change the subject, hoping he won't want to continue talking about it.

"So who threatened me?" She knows it's fake, that the only one that can hurt her right now is Cesar himself, and she's too important to him for that to happen.

"I did. Talked about it in front of my buddies down at the tire shop. One of them has a brother in San Antonio PD. I knew I could count on him to spill the beans. I should take him out, shouldn't I?"

"Cesar, come on."

"Okay, okay." She can hear him take in a breath from over the line. He's volatile.

"And where are we going to meet? I want Alex back. I want to have a serious conversation with her about my brother. When can you get her out of there?"

She breathes a stabilizing breath of her own. This is key. Buying more time. Because he won't be having any sort of conversation if he gets his hands back on Alex. What there will be is lots of blood. "You know I can't blow my cover like that. She has to decide to leave on her own."

"And when she does?"

"We move in."


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N - Just want to let all of my readers know a couple things. First of all, I love happy endings. Second of all, things are about to get rocky. But stick with me because I really don't think you'll be disappointed. Thanks to those of you who have stuck it out so far and are leaving me encouraging reviews. I appreciate that. As for the rest of you, your constructive criticism is duly noted. _

**June 10, Monday**

It had been three days since they first arrived and they've both been feeling stir crazy. Warmth and fresh air seemed like distant, unreal things. Even leaving the hotel room to walk out in the hall was not allowed. And finally, Alex had reached her breaking point and had enough. She had been quiet, reserved and sleeping most of the time away until earlier that morning. Olivia couldn't blame her. After what she'd been through, Alex had every right to be withdrawn. Sure, they had spoken to one another, chatted about this or that, but they seemed to be at a standstill.

It wasn't anything big that set her off. But then again, it didn't need to be. All she needed was the final straw. So Olivia watches now as she fumes, walking back and forth along the narrow path between the beds and the dresser. There isn't anything Olivia can do to calm Alex down; she decides to let it run its course, to let Alex work out her frustrations.

"How dare you say that I couldn't handle myself on my own!" She looks back at Olivia, glaring at her before making the trip towards the window for probably the ninth time. Olivia raises her hands from where she sits on the side of the bed. Alex is twisting her words. Not really fair for a lawyer.

"Look, I just meant . . ."

"No," Alex cuts her off. "I know exactly what you meant. You think I'm weak and that somehow I'll manage to get myself captured again. Well, you're wrong."

"I know you're not weak, Alex."

"I don't think you do. I think you underestimate me and I'm sick of that. I'm sick of people thinking I'm someone to just be walked all over. Sick of it!"

Olivia realizes that she's stuck her foot in her mouth again and can see that Alex is seriously pissed. But there doesn't seem to be anything she can say to take back her words. Alex grabs for the phonebook on the desk and starts flipping through it.

"What are you doing?" Olivia asks but receives no response.

"Alex," she says as she stands up and starts walking towards the desk. Alex holds up a finger.

"No. Stay away from me. I'm calling a taxi and I'm getting the hell out of here."

"Please stop. Think about what you're doing. If you go out there, I can't protect you anymore."

"I don't need your protection," Alex spits out and slams the phone down in frustration, seemingly unable to focus long enough on a number. Maybe she's realizing that I'm right, Olivia thinks. Maybe she's realizing that staying here is for the best. God help her if she really does leave.

"I'll get the front desk to call for me," Alex says, more to herself than anyone and begins gathering her few possessions. It doesn't take her long and she's in the bathroom and back out with her toiletries bag within a minute.

"Please stop," Olivia tries again. Leaving the sanctuary of this place is the worst thing either of them can do. It has to happen eventually, and on Alex's terms, but Olivia hoped the day wouldn't have come so soon. Staying here is the only real way Olivia can keep her safe.

"I'm not staying in this goddamned room another minute!" Alex has her duffel over her uninjured shoulder and steps to the door, but she's not as fast as Olivia. The trooper swoops past her and stands in her way, her body blocks Alex's path, filling up the door.

"You can't leave!"

"Watch me. You can't force me to stay here and I want out."

"Alex, please wait," Olivia scans the Alex's face, searching for just a hint of the self-preservation she has come to expect from the blonde. But all she sees is frustration. Broken frustration.

"Cesar hasn't been caught yet. And, yeah, Marcus is in custody, but if you go out there and Cesar finds you and something bad happens . . .that's on me."

Alex narrows her eyes. "On you? You feel responsible for me or something?"

"Well, yeah. We've been in here almost a week and I feel . . . I don't know . . ."

"What? What do you feel?" Alex demands, and she has every right to because Olivia has been as vague and distant as Alex has this entire week. It's hard to know what to say to a woman who's been to hell and back and is sitting five feet away from you.

"I don't know. I feel . . ." she doesn't finish, she can't. It's too complicated and having Alex know too much will get her killed. Will probably get them both killed. The vague, distant camaraderie developing between them could be perceived as a weakness from Cesar's point of view. "Where will you go, if you leave?"

Alex looks down and shakes her head at the subject change, but her mood hasn't altered. "I wanted to go to Dallas or Houston. Somewhere I can blend in. But I have no money. So I'm going to my uncle's."

"Your uncle's? The one who taught you to ride a motorcycle?"

Alex nods, and for the most part, Olivia is simply relieved that she's getting any sort of emotion out of the blonde. Anything other than a blank stare and half-focused eyes. But this blow up and these ideas must have been brewing for a while. "Yeah. He's got a house over at Medina Lake."

"So you're just gonna go stay with him? Won't that put them in danger too?"

"No, they're in Europe. Took an extended vacation after my parents. . ." She trails off. Of course there are other family members affected by Alex's parents' murders. Olivia hadn't thought as far as that and although Alex doesn't say it, she can deduce what happened. They couldn't stand to be around crushing memories of their loved ones every day. They needed out. Olivia knows what that's like.

"You're going to stay somewhere alone? Do you really think that's a good idea?"

"I don't care if it's a good idea or not. I'm doing it."

Her hand goes for the door again, and again Olivia stops her, resting her own hand on Alex's arm. It's the closest they've been since Olivia grabbed her hand that day in the hospital. Each night, Alex stubbornly refused Olivia's help treating her entry wound and redressing the bandages. Flinching slightly at this new contact, Alex lets out the briefest of shivers and looks up into the trooper's face.

"Let me go," she says irritably, her eyes shifting around Olivia's face, trying not to connect their gazes. In her mind, she concedes that Alex is going to go whether Olivia likes it or not, and the best thing to do is to go with her.

"At least let me drive you there. I'll have someone bring you a car or something. You have no way to get around."

Hesitating for a moment, Alex bites her lip and Olivia wishes right away that she wouldn't do that. It's very distracting.

"Fine," Alex says. "But you don't have to have a car sent. My uncle has spare motorcycles."

Olivia's face brightens considerably and while Alex waits impatiently at the door, she gathers her own belongings into her bag. When she's ready, she steps up to the door but hesitates at Alex's frown.

"Aren't you being threatened? Don't you still need to stay here?" _Shit._

"Oh," Olivia says, realizing her mistake too late. She replaces her bag back on the bed and scratches her head. "I forgot. Yeah, I will need to stay here tonight."

"Okay, then. Ready?"

Dark hair falls into her eyes as Olivia nods and grabs the car keys and her new cell phone. Her old one is still in her right pocket. If worse comes to worse, she can leave Alex at the lake and come back here. Cesar will be none the wiser and Alex will be safe. Hopefully. "Yes. Let's go."

* * *

The borrowed, unmarked sedan flies down the highway, west of San Antonio towards Medina Lake. The extended Cabot family had Thanksgiving at the house two years before and it's been that long since Alex has even seen the place. It's a vacation weekend home for her aunt and uncle (her father's brother) and cousins, but ever since the previous December, when everything with her parents happened, she is fairly certain no one has set foot in the place.

More than anything, the family needed to get as far away from the horror and misery that still constantly surrounds Alex and everything she comes into contact with. So they are in Europe, she doesn't know exactly where and as she relates this information to Olivia during their hour and half drive, it surprises Alex how easy it is just to talk. It's similar to the way she felt when spilling all the information she could remember about her kidnapping and assault, that perhaps this woman with the big brown eyes is trustworthy and empathetic somehow. It's the most either of them have spoken since Alex related her story in the hospital.

She goes on and on, spilling information and stories about her family and all the summers they used to spend on the lake, riding in the boat and waterskiing and watching the sunsets. The sunsets are the best part, she tells Olivia. The house's rear, or the 'front' as homeowners on the water call it, faces the west and the setting sun over the lake. Just wait until you see it, she explains simply, because there aren't words for it, really.

Alex has to remind herself to be careful because her behavior is bordering close to flirtatious. Strange, how much better she feels after being set free from the prison that was the cramped hotel room. Out on the open road, Alex's troubles fly out the window. It's hard to be sure though, whether Olivia is reciprocating. She smiles with Alex and stares a little too long at her, but Alex is sure she is set on remaining professional and ethical. And flirtations with the woman she is bound to protect is not ethical at all.

The car rolls to a stop on the paved driveway and they get out of the car, Alex with her bag and Olivia with watchful eyes, scanning this way and that. Alex notes her careful behavior and is glad at that moment Olivia is with her; she lacks that sort of training and if something was to go wrong, if someone happens to be lurking around the corner ready to hurt her, she would never know until it was too late.

Up the wooden, slightly creaky front steps they go and Alex stands staring at the door for a moment trying to remember all the numbers for the codes to get into this place. They return to her in a rush and she goes back down the steps and around the corner, with Olivia following her closely to the side of the house. A small combination lockbox is mounted at eye-level and she twists the numbers until a click sounds from within and the door pops open.

The key sits inside and she grabs it, shutting the box and murmuring something about returning it later on. And shortly, she's turned the key in the front door and opened it, setting off a loud beeping inside the house. Her feet shuffle and echo in the empty, dusty house against the floorboards as she moves towards a wall-unit alarm controller, pressing a short combination of numbers again to disarm the house's security system.

"A bit like a fortress in here, isn't it?" Olivia observes and her eyes shift from the controller back to Alex, who nods and shifts her sling back into place.

"They haven't been back in a while, my aunt and uncle," she explains. "And they don't want anyone breaking in without some sort of deterrent."

Olivia purses her lips, nodding and looking around the house. It's a nice place, simply furnished and rustic, south Texas-style with framed pictures of the family on one wall. There are a few of Alex when she was younger that she wishes were no longer there. The embarrassing type of picture you wouldn't normally want people to see.

As Olivia studies the photographs and stops at one in particular with Alex mid-air, flying sideways into the water fully clothed in 90's era denim with a wild expression, she tries to bite back a cynical smile. Letting Olivia see all of this, parts of Alex's childhood and mementos of her family is bittersweet. She wishes she could share more of it with the brunette, but doesn't quite know how. Alex looks out the window, thinking that right now it hurts too much to let someone get close.

The floorboards creak like old floors tend to do when Olivia shifts her weight from foot to foot. She looks to the door and back to Alex.

"I guess I'd better head back."

Alex turns quickly from where she's staring out the window at the lake to look at the trooper.

"Do you have to go?" She hates that her voice comes off sounding desperate but still watches intently for Olivia's reaction.

"Well, all my stuff is at the room and I really shouldn't have left in the first place."

"I know that," Alex says with a shrug and a brief downward glance. She looks back up hopefully into those brown eyes, but doesn't hold contact for long. "But aren't you supposed to be protecting me as well?"

Olivia frowns. "I thought you said you didn't need protection, that you can handle yourself thank you very much?"

Alex isn't too proud to look slightly ashamed of herself. Really, all she wanted was out of that damn room. And if telling Olivia she didn't need protection was the way to do it, then so be it.

"I can. But . . ."

The boards creak again when Olivia moves towards Alex who is facing her now with the late evening sun streaming in behind her through the window.

"But . . .?"

Her bottom lip protests painfully from the force she's bitten it with. Deciding finally to suck it up and just say it, she breathes in a steadying breath.

"Please stay. I feel safer when you're here."

* * *

"You said your uncle had several motorcycles here?"

Alex nods. "That's right. He buys old broken ones and fixes them up."

She moves through the kitchen and Olivia follows, taking in the granite counter tops and dark wood cabinetry. It's a nice place for a second home, Olivia thinks to herself, nicer than any place she's ever lived. Alex flips the lock on the back door and pulls it open.

The back deck, or front deck, really, because it faces the water, is spacious and smells like varnish and cedar. A set of steps leads down to the lawn and maybe twenty or thirty feet farther down is the water line. Only, there isn't any water nearby. Olivia has to squint to make out any actual water more than 50 yards away.

"What happened to the lake? Drought?"

"Yeah," Alex says, sparing the sad sight a momentary glance before descending the steps, and Olivia notices that her range of motion has improved greatly since the beginning of their stay in the hotel. "We haven't had a good rain in a couple years. And so the water level's way down, as you can see."

"Is that a car over there?" Olivia points to the middle of the lake bed, where a half-submerged skeleton of a car is like a specter relic from the past.

"Yeah, no idea how it got down there, though . . . maybe the mafia wanted to get rid of someone back in the day."

Frowning at it, Olivia turns her attention back to the blonde who is striding towards a similar looking building adjacent to the main house. She reaches up and spins the numbers on the lock, pulling it free and reaching again with both hands, seeming to forget about her sling, to unlatch the over-sized sliding doors and grunts. Shoulders hunching over from the exertion, Alex leans over and her face contorts in pain.

"You okay?" Olivia asks, reaching out to place a comforting hand on the blonde's good shoulder. And whether she is focused solely on the pain and doesn't notice the touch, or if her aversion to contact has receded, Alex doesn't flinch away. Olivia leaves her hand there and waits for the blonde to straighten back up.

"It still hurts." she says weakly. Olivia nods sympathetically.

"Let me get the doors."

She unhooks the latch and shoves the doors apart, revealing a dark and slightly damp space, quite dusty, and full of bikes in varying states of repair. Three tarp covered bike-shaped lumps sit on the garage's far side and Alex, recovered mostly from her pain, steps slowly towards them, crisscrossing a path between bike parts.

"Those are three he's already finished," she explains, pointing at the closest one.

"May I?" Olivia asks as she takes hold of the tarp and when Alex nods, she pulls it free, revealing a medium-sized red Honda, shiny and well-cared for. She lets out a low whistle. "Very nice."

Alex nods. "This one is my favorite, actually." She looks up at Olivia with a mischievous smile. "Want to go for a ride?"

Returning the grin, Olivia shakes her head with a raised eyebrow. "Are you kidding? I saw how you drive these things."

A bubbling laugh escapes her throat and Olivia watches as her face lights up, marveling at how different Alex looks like this. But too soon, the simile fades away as Alex realizes she's being watched and she turns away. "You hungry?" she asks quietly.

"I am. Is there food here?"

When Alex nods and turns towards the door, Olivia follows her out of the garage, closing the garage door and dummy-locks the combination lock behind her.

"There's always plenty of canned food. We can rustle something up."

The cushion, deep and oversized, sinks in as Olivia drops into it, full and sated from a surprisingly delicious meal of black beans, corn, and chicken, all from cans. Alex dries her hands on a cloth and tosses it on the counter. She walks into the living room and takes the recliner opposite Olivia, easing into it with the smallest hint of a wince.

"Such a fantastic chef."

Alex smiles, leans back into the chair. "I try."

"I'm exhausted and it seems like I haven't done a thing all day," Olivia says, scratching a hand through her hair. It's a little longer now than usually keeps it, probably getting close to time for a cut.

"You brought me here. Thanks for staying by the way."

Nodding, Olivia lets her eyes roam again all over the living room, where mementos of a family she doesn't know hang from every wall. But it feels safe to Alex, and that's what matters.

"You're welcome. Elliot is going to worry through, when he goes to the hotel tomorrow and we're not there."

A frown crosses Alex's face, and Olivia realizes quickly that this must sound strange to Alex, that she doesn't share every bit of information about their situation with Elliot. The blonde believes still that she's one of the good guys.

"You didn't tell him?"

"Not yet. I figured he would be mad and say absolutely not. But we're here already and it seems about as secure and remote as any place, so he'll have to get over it."

"Authoritative, aren't you?"

Olivia smiles at Alex's expression; it's teasing, light-hearted. It's nice to see this side of the blonde. And it's nice that she's accepted the lie so easily.

"When I have to be."

They sit in comfortable silence for a while with intermittent sparks of conversation filling the empty space. When Alex yawns for the fourth time in a row, Olivia sits up.

"Ready for bed, then?"

Alex nods, grasping the arms of the chair tightly and gritting her teeth as she stands up from the chair. "Would you mind checking the doors? I'll leave a toothbrush for you in the bathroom."

"Sure. Which way is the guest bedroom?"

Pausing in the doorway, Alex's hand grasps the door frame and she stares at Olivia for a moment, her expression unreadable. "It's, uh, it's right here." And she points to the door next to the one she's about to go in.

Olivia's mind races as she walks through the house, making sure all doors and windows are secure, not that that will stop anyone who really wants in. What in the world, she wonders, was that expression all about? Surely Alex didn't want Olivia to stay in the same bedroom with her. In the same bed. Surely not.

She switches off the lights, grabs her bag and goes into the now vacant bathroom. It doesn't take her long to brush her teeth and splash some water over her face. Alex's bedroom door is open when she switches off the bathroom light and looks around for the hall light to turn off. Before she turns it off, she pokes her head in Alex's room and peers through the darkness. She can just make out Alex's form beneath a thin sheet.

"Goodnight Alex," she says quietly from the doorway. A blonde head pops up from the pillow, and Olivia can see the smile on her lips.

"Goodnight."

Jeans hit the floor next to her bag and Olivia pulls on a pair of shorts. It's too hot to sleep with pajama pants or sweats. When her gun and Elliot-approved cell phone are secure on the bedside table, she crawls beneath the blankets and sheets and flips around to get comfortable. Cesar's cell-phone is under her pillow, and she closes her eyes, trying to forget for a moment the double life she's leading.

Olivia's mind, willing to go elsewhere, settles on a particular blonde lawyer with flowing hair and a motorcycle, except in this vision, there are no bruises or black eyes or bloody lips on her beautiful face.

* * *

**Tuesday, June 11**

Her body wakes up all by itself the next morning, even though it doesn't have to. Right now she doesn't have any responsibilities: no crash reports or tickets to file, no traffic stops to make or drivers to argue with about their registration being out. This morning, there's only a half-dried up lake and a beautiful woman next door that she's supposed to be simultaneously watching and protecting.

Staggering only a little from the room, Olivia shakes the sleep from her brain and heads to the bathroom. A few minutes later, she pads barefoot to the kitchen and starts rummaging around for some coffee. It doesn't take long. The kitchen is well-designed and all the necessary coffee implements are near each other.

Before long, she's got the coffee brewing and scrounges a couple of frozen waffles from the freezer. They don't seem too badly freezer-burned, so she throws them in the toaster and sits down at the bar with a blessedly hot cup of coffee. And it isn't five minutes later that she hears the bathroom door open and close again and Alex rummaging around in there.

Thinking of Alex makes her mind go back to the previous night, when a noise woke her up and drew her from bed. At first, she thought it might be an intruder, and she grabbed her gun instinctively and peered out into the hallway. It was dark, maybe four in the morning, and she didn't see anything in the hall. And then the noise happened again.

That time, Olivia realized it was coming from Alex's room, where the door was still open. She looked in and there was Alex, tossing around fitfully on the bed, every now and then calling out in her sleep. But suddenly, just as soon as it started, Alex fell silent and still. And Olivia could see, even in the darkness of the room, that the blonde's face had relaxed and she had fallen back into a peaceful sleep.

Must have just been a nightmare, Olivia thinks to herself over her cup. And that's certainly understandable, given everything that's happened. Without fail, every night since Olivia stayed with Alex in the hospital room, there have been nightmares, silent but brief, thrashing nightmares.

When Alex comes back out, she looks well rested and much better than she did the previous day. Every day she looks better. Olivia greets her with a nod towards the coffee pot.

"There's plenty."

"Thanks. God, it smells good."

The chair squeaks against the tile as Alex sits down, pulling the plate of waffles towards her and sending a smile of thanks Olivia's way. "Mmm, eggos. Haven't had these in a few years."

Olivia returns the grin, taking a bite of her own artificially colored waffle. "But they're so good for you."

She earns a light laugh from the blonde and revels in the feeling for a brief moment.

"I should probably get back to the city today," Olivia says, breaking the light-hearted mood and looking up hesitantly into the blue eyes.

"Why?"

Her phone, the new phone from Elliot to be exact, buzzes from her left shorts' pocket. Perfect timing. Olivia holds it up on explanation and walks towards the back porch, opening and closing the door behind her.

"Hey Elliot," she says into the receiver.

"Hey. How's the hotel life?" He sounds awfully chipper this morning. She can only hope that lasts and takes a gamble on her next lie.

"It's great. Plenty of leftovers and the TV guide says there's an all-day marathon of Gilligan's Island on later."

He snorts. "That's fitting. Stuck in a place you'd like to leave. Now which one of you is Gilligan and which is the skipper?"

"No idea. How are things on your end?"

"Good, good," he sounds only slightly miffed that his joke isn't well received. "Well, sort of. I've got bad news."

Olivia doesn't like bad news, and she tells Elliot as much. "It's not terrible, really. You just won't be seeing my smiling face at all today. I'm way backed up and I've got a court appearance to make later. Not to mention all the paperwork that's been building up."

"Alex will be thrilled."

"I know," Elliot sighs sarcastically. "Tell her I'm sorry and that I'll bring her a chocolate sundae as soon as I can."

"You're an ass."

"So is she."

Olivia smiles despite herself and looks back towards the house. Alex is watching her from the kitchen window, but when she catches Olivia's eye, she turns away.

"Oh, hey. I've got some good news as well. Want to hear?"

"Of course I do," Olivia says, perking up considerably.

"The DA cut a deal with Marcus. As we speak, he's giving names and locations for his entire section of the cartel."

Letting out a low whistle, Olivia inwardly cringes. "Must have been some deal. But that's great. When is the bust going down?"

"It was either life in prison or all the names. They charged him with Alex's attempted murder and hopefully soon we'll catch a break in Alex's parents' investigation. Then we can go after the big dogs."

"So you don't think it was her anymore?"

"Nah," he says flippantly. "I'm starting to think she's caught in the cross-hairs of a messy situation."

Rolling her eyes even though he can't see it, Olivia sighs into the receiver. "That's what I said from the beginning."

"Yeah, well. When we find Cesar, we'll charge his ass too and see what we can do about those murders. Oh, and the lab has matches on all three brothers to the DNA from Alex's clothing. We'll be charging the two live ones with rape as well."

"Wow," Olivia says, hand scratching lightly through her hair. She hates thinking about that. "That's great."

"Yep. So is she doing okay? Alex?"

"She's okay. It's tough, you know, but she seems to be handling it." Olivia glances again towards the kitchen window and sees Alex looking down, busy at the sink. How well she's actually handling it, Olivia isn't really sure. It's hard to know when you don't talk about it.

"Okay then. I guess I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yep. Be careful now."

After they hang up Olivia heads back inside, thinking about how perfectly timed Elliot's busy day has turned out to be and places her new phone back in her pocket. But the rest of the information Elliot has given her is a lot to process in such a short amount of time. She has no idea how Cesar will react when he finds out his only remaining family member has turned on him. More than likely, it won't be a good situation for anyone. Alex is seated at the table, watching her expectantly.

"I'm surprised the call came through. Service is usually spotty out here. Was he mad?"

Olivia pauses, wanting to make sure every detail is correct. "At first, a little. But I explained to him that everything here is secure and you're safe. So, no big deal."

"So you'll stay?"

A third attempt at getting her to stick around a while longer. She really does need to go out and speak to Cesar face to face, but she supposes that can wait. He doesn't know where they are right now and that's a good thing. From the first moment she learned about Alex's involvement in all this, Olivia never wanted the woman to get hurt. And as soon as Cesar finds out where she is, that's exactly what's going to happen.

"I suppose so. What are we going to do all day?"

Alex's eyes light up. And again, Olivia marvels at it; her stomach tightens up when she sees the excitement.

"Let's ride the motorcycle."

Expression falling as quickly as it rose, Olivia's face has 'no way' written all over it. "We talked about this already. You're dangerous."

Scoffing, Alex rolls her eyes and stands up from the table, clearing the dishes into the sink and running water over them. She looks over her shoulder at Olivia. "I am not dangerous. Come on, don't be scared."

"I can't help it. You're a scary person."

A second eye roll in just a few moments. More flirtation. It comes too easily. "I thought you weren't afraid of anything."

"I lied." About a lot of things, is what she doesn't say.

"Please?" Alex's blue eyes go wide and her lip puffs out and Olivia can't help but wonder if this woman received everything she ever wanted as a child because of that irresistible expression.

"I'll teach you to ride one. Come on."

It's Olivia's turn to roll her eyes, inwardly cursing herself for not having stronger willpower. "Fine."


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N - a day late, sorry about that. Working hard on finishing this up for all of you. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing and having faith. _

**Still Tuesday, June 11**

The body against her back is muscular. It's hard and soft, it's pressed up next to her and Olivia is having difficulty focusing on the task at hand. Alex is saying something, her tone becoming a little aggravated that Olivia is having such a hard time with the simple task of releasing the clutch and giving it gas at the same time. She doesn't have breasts pressed up against her body, though, and so she has no idea what thoughts are currently running through Olivia's mind, preventing her from accomplishing going from rest into first gear.

Alex had started off on the front of the bike, with Olivia wrapped around her back, but she seemed to have no trouble at all slowly demonstrating how to up-shift and downshift, how to lean into a turn and put her feet down and apply the brake when coming to a stop. And when it came to Olivia's turn, Alex switched places with her quietly, throwing her leg over the bike, wrapping her arms around the trooper and leaning forward with her feet down to steady them both.

And now the bike sputters into a stall again and they lurch back and forth, making the matter of proximity that much worse.

"Okay," Alex says slowly, obviously trying to calm herself down. "Try again, but this time, think about balancing it out. You want to give it gas, but not too much or we'll go flying, and not too little or it'll stall out . . . _again. _It's like shifting gears in a car."

"Which I haven't done in about ten years. And this is a little different," Olivia says in a huff, frustrated at not being able to do it right away.

"In a way. But really, it's the same kind of touch."

Hearing Alex's voice so close to her ear sends Olivia's mind scrambling again. This might be easier without Alex on the bike at all, she thinks. She shakes her head, clearing it of distractions and tries to focus. The engine starts up, no problem, and she makes sure it's in first with her left foot. The clutch, Olivia releases slowly, slowly and the throttle turns in her right hand, steadily increasing it as she lets go of the clutch. And finally! The engine revs up just a little too much and they jerk forward slightly, but the bike is moving along steadily.

"Okay," Alex says loudly from behind. "The RPMs are getting high. Time to shift gears."

No problem, thinks Olivia dryly. If only she could remember if shifting to second was pushing down or up with her left foot. Alex seems to read her mind.

"Lift it up with your foot, Liv." It's the first time Alex has used the nickname and Olivia struggles again to focus on driving the motorcycle. It sounds wonderful, and she wants to hear more of it on the blonde's lips. Her hand presses the clutch again and she shifts to second gear, going through the motions again to steadily let out the clutch while giving it gas. Going from first to second is much easier.

"Good!" Alex cries out, her voice wavering in the increasing wind. And when they start getting a little faster, Olivia feels the beginnings of panic. Now how do I stop again?

The blonde seems to sense the tension and hesitation in second gear, so she scoots forward a little more, bringing their bodies impossibly, maddeningly closer together and reaches around Olivia to the handlebars. The warm hands on top of hers, guiding them through the correct movements render her mind completely blank. "I'm going to do the clutch and handbrake. You handle the downshift and the foot brake. Okay?"

Olivia nods and she presses down once on the gearshift while Alex handles the controls. It's much smoother than hers and the bike slows down without a single lurch. As they come to a stop, Alex scoots back and both women put their feet down.

"That was much better," Alex compliments and Olivia turns to look over her shoulder. The blonde is smiling and sweating in the June heat, not to mention her pale skin is getting a little red under the sun. They haven't been going fast and Alex is mainly in control so she insisted they didn't need helmets.

"You're burning," Olivia points out and Alex squints at her in the afternoon sunlight. They've been going at this for about an hour now and finally Olivia is making progress.

"I'm fine. Let's try again. You had it that time."

Olivia nods and takes a deep breath, trying to ignore how close their faces just were and how close their bodies still are. She turns back around and goes through the motions again. The bike lurches out of first and struggles into second, and then up into third. "Wooooooo!" she cries out at the speed, even though it's only about 25 miles an hour. Alex laughs behind her and squeezes her tightly around the middle. The bike protests only slightly when she brings it back down through the gears and to a stop, and Alex congratulates her from the back of the bike.

"Very good."

"I think I'm finally getting it."

'You are. But, I think I should go in now. My face is really starting to get hot."

"Okay," Olivia agrees and they maneuver the bike back into the shed and dummy lock it again. The short walk back to the house is quiet and seemingly full of unspoken tension. It's something that needs to be handled before it goes too far. Olivia knows damn good and well that both of their hesitant flirtations do not bode well for the future.

Later that evening, it's cool for once out on the back porch, and the sun is setting low over the half-empty lake. Inside, Alex finishes buttoning with one hand one of her aunt's soft flannel shirts that she changed into after shedding her sweat-soaked shirt and taking a careful shower. She walks out of the bedroom, leaving the sling behind on her bed and is soon rummaging around the kitchen, looking for what she's had her mind on for the past hour. A bottle of red wine in the pantry. A little dusty and certainly well-aged by now, but it's wine nonetheless.

She finds two glasses in the cabinet and goes out on the back porch. Olivia is there, sitting on the bench next to the grill. She's freshly showered as well, wearing her jeans and a simple white t-shirt, one she must have found in a drawer in the guest bedroom. It looks comfortable. Striding over, she hands a glass to the brunette and holds on to her own. The bottle and opener she hands to Olivia.

"I probably can't open it," her voice is quiet. Alex hates not being able to do things for herself, but realizes that her injuries have given her restrictions and she has to be careful not to hurt herself further.

"Are you supposed to be having wine with all those antibiotics you're taking?" A dark eyebrow raises in her direction and Alex can see that she's half-joking, half-serious. She sits next to Olivia on the bench and nudges the woman with her shoulder.

"I didn't realize you had a medical degree in addition to that badge."

With eyebrows raised at Alex's snark, Olivia purses her lower lip and nods. "Okay," she says, hands opening placatingly. "I'll open it."

The wine tastes good. But after only a few sips, it goes directly to Alex's head and she has to set her glass on the deck. Earlier, she asked Olivia to bring her stash of medical supplies to the deck while she showered. She intended to change her dressing out here, not really caring anymore to do it by herself in the bathroom. If Olivia sees the extent of her bruising and injuries, so be it. And quite frankly, she could use some help.

"It's been a while since I had any alcohol," she explains and Olivia nods in understanding. Alex picks up the plastic bag and opens it, pulling out two alcohol wipes, fresh gauze squares and medical tape. She can feel Olivia's eyes on her as she organizes everything.

"Me too. I'm usually too busy and definitely too tired to drink anything."

This woman is mysterious, Alex thinks. A state trooper and seemingly her guardian angel. An angel sent to protect her from the terror that is Cesar Velez. Although she wouldn't need protection, if only she had a gun and Cesar came around knocking on her door again, she knows what it takes to shoot a man. A woman in a desperate situation doesn't think twice about something like that. And, thinking back briefly on what it felt like to pull that trigger on Vicente, she knows she'd do the same thing again in a heartbeat given the chance. She shudders, remembering all that blood. A lot of it was hers.

"Where'd you go?" Olivia asks and Alex turns back to the brunette's watchful face. Alex must have been staring off into the trees, holding the alcohol wipes in mid-air for too long. She shrugs her good shoulder noncommittally. The brunette has her hands linked above her head, a move that Alex has seen her repeat over the past few days. The view of Olivia's chest when those arms are out of the way is quite distracting.

"Just thinking about the past couple of weeks."

Olivia drops her arms, picks up her wine glass and takes a sip. She widens her eyes. "It's been eventful, hasn't it?"

"Understatement of the century. I've had my life turned upside down and inside out twice within the past year. It's been . . . rough."

The brunette stays quiet, probably Alex thinks, because she doesn't know what to say.

Alex shifts on the bench, her bruises are much better, but she's still tender in several places. She glances up shyly at the brunette and holds out the alcohol wipe with a hopeful expression. "Would you mind helping me change the dressing?"

"Sure," Olivia says quickly, taking the wipe from Alex's fingers and opening the package. Averting her eyes while Alex unbuttons half the buttons again on her shirt, the ones she just spent five minutes struggling to fasten in the first place. Putting a bra back on had seemed like too daunting of a task after the shower, and she bites her lip at that mistake, realizing too late she'll be showing a little too much skin to Olivia. Oh well, she thinks, as she pushes the material halfway down her arm so that it shows her wound but covers up her breast. And wincing slightly at the pull on her skin, Alex removes the tape and the old bandage and sets them aside.

When Olivia looks up with the alcohol swab ready, her eyes land on first the expanse of skin Alex is showing, where the bruising is just starting to fade and then up to the angry red entry wound. From where she sits two feet away, Alex can hear her swallow. It would be almost funny, if the evening air wasn't stinging her wound. And this alcohol swab is about to hurt.

"It . . . um, it doesn't look so bad," Olivia says in a slightly shaky voice. Alex cranes her neck over to look at it. It's just a hole in her shoulder. But it hurts like a bitch.

"It's much better," Alex agrees. "And the paper said to look for weird oozing or smells, for redness around the wound, or for any chills I might start to feel."

"So, none of those things?"

"Nope," Alex shakes her head and scoots a little closer to the brunette, allowing her better access to her shoulder. "Gently, please." Her voice is quiet and Olivia looks up, eyes meeting in a mutual understanding. Of course she'll be gentle. When the alcohol touches the open wound, it burns badly, but Alex clenches her teeth and squeezes her hand into a tight fist, managing somehow not to make any noise.

"Is that okay?" Olivia asks, still gently moving the wipe around the wound. She looks up again into Alex's face and smiles at her expression. "It hurts, doesn't it?"

"Yeah," is all Alex can manage through her teeth without crying out. Olivia puts the used alcohol wipe on the pile of dirty bandages and opens up a new one. This one doesn't hurt as much and she is able to focus instead on Olivia's free hand lightly resting on Alex's arm to keep her still. That, and the cool touch of her fingers on Alex's sensitive skin around the wound are the only things that make this bearable. And before long, that alcohol wipe is used up and the gauze is being place lightly over the wound and secured with the medical tape.

"You should've been a doctor," Alex jokes, pulling her shirt back up slowly, aware of Olivia's eyes following the rapidly disappearing skin across Alex's chest. When brown eyes move back up to meet her own, they share a mutual smile.

"I'm not smart enough for that."

"Yeah, me neither," Alex smiles and grimaces as she moves her legs again. "Still sore?" Olivia asks, picking up her wine glass and taking another sip as Alex nods.

Standing up, Alex stretches her leg and back muscles gently as she leans her front against the railing and stares out at the far-away water. "My whole body. I just want it to heal and stop being so hurt and scarred and ugly."

Setting her own half-finished glass next to Alex's and standing up next to her, Olivia grasps Alex's elbow and turns her until they're facing each other. "No."

"No?" Taken aback slightly by their proximity to each other, Alex doesn't quite know how to react. Her breath, oddly, seems to be coming in a bit more shallow than it was a second ago. But the touch to her arm doesn't faze her. What fazes her is the fire burning in those eyes.

"You're not ugly. You're scars aren't ugly and neither are your bruises."  
"Liv . . ." Olivia shakes her head slightly, cutting Alex off and staring even more intently.

"No, listen to me. You're a survivor. And you're beautiful."

Alex pauses, mouth gaping open as she stares at Olivia, who seems for a moment to be just as surprised at the last thing that left her mouth.

That last part was almost a whisper. And they're too close together but neither of them moves away. Alex is mesmerized momentarily with Olivia's lips, desperate to know how they would taste against her own and when she realizes she's staring, she looks up into brown eyes, only to see that Olivia too, is staring at her mouth. Brown eyes meet hers and they smile again, both a little embarrassed for their brazen disregard for ethical behavior.

But at this point, Alex thinks, what the hell.

She reaches down for Olivia's hand and grasps it, even taking a small step closer and continuing to hold that gaze. The first move is always the hardest, and she wants desperately to do it, but, even with the brunette acting the way she is, Alex doesn't know for sure if that's what Olivia wants. This is risky and probably not a good idea, but Alex pushes those thoughts to the back of her mind.

They're so close and those full lips are right there and Alex is screaming inside for her to close the final distance, but Olivia hesitates, eyes full of doubt and by then Alex can't hold back any longer. She goes for it, closing her eyes, moving forward and touching their lips together.

It's electric. If it's possible to conduct a current through two people with no real power source, it's what just happened, Alex thinks as they move towards each other and her good hand moves up into the brunette's hair, feeling her short locks and pulling her in. Her other hand stays at Olivia's hip, clutching at the fabric of her t-shirt. And if it's possible for two bodies to fit perfectly together as theirs do when their fronts press in and make contact, Alex wonders if heaven could feel this good. All thoughts of her bruised body leave her mind as she focuses on how good it is.

Their mouths move languidly together, exploring and gradually deepening the embrace until Alex feels that she'll be breathless for the rest of her life. Butterflies flutter up her stomach and she wants more, wants to know more about this woman, wants to taste every remaining inch of her.

But just then, out on the porch and beneath the just emerging summer stars, just when Alex has forgotten everything else and is marveling at how wonderful life is, it all comes crashing down around her.

Olivia's hand is moving over the expanse of her back and it brushes lightly over a bruised rib. It's one from being pushed onto the floor at the Velez compound. The touch itself isn't what is painful. Her brain flashes back in a vivid recollection of that night.

Cesar had been particularly drunk and feeling powerful. His boots were hard and sharp and her thin, malnourished body was no match for his strength or his brother's. She gasps as she remembers it all again, pulling quickly away from Olivia and inadvertently ramming her foot into one of the deck's support beams.

"Shit," she hisses at the touch and the pain in her foot. But it grounds her, brings her back to the present and back to Olivia, who is standing wide-eyed with an alarmed expression. The dark haired woman closes her mouth and clears her throat nervously. A hand runs through her now-mussed hair.

She must see the fear and hurt on Alex's face because her brows furrow right away and she closes her eyes, probably pissed at herself for what's happened. Alex wants to reassure her, to tell her it's okay, that she wanted the kiss to happen, still wants it to happen, but she can't find the right words. Olivia beats her to speaking first, her words coming out in a tumble.

"Alex, I'm so sorry. Did I hurt you?" And when the blonde shakes her head no, Olivia goes on, tugging momentarily at her hair. "That was . . . wrong. We shouldn't have done that."

Alex nods and can't look into her eyes because she's right. They shouldn't have done it. Because now Alex actually knows what those lips taste like and the memory of how they felt will be burned into her mind forever. It's wrong because this is the woman charged with protecting her. It's unethical for Olivia to be putting the moves on her, but Alex knows that's not what happened. The desire, the wonder, the gazes being held for just a little too long. All of that, as far as she can tell, is mutual. But it doesn't feel wrong to Alex. It feels more right than anything she's ever felt before.

Her hands. They're big and rough and soft and the fingers are long and perfect. And that jawline, she shivers. Not to mention the eyes. Alex has known for a great many years now that she's a sucker for brown eyes. It must be something in her genes, calling out to her to select a partner of a completely different genetic makeup. Some part of biology she wasn't paying complete attention to back in high school.

Maybe, in some other lifetime, a relationship with this woman could have worked out. But this is too complicated, too muddled. She mentally shakes her head. Of course it's not meant to be. Not when everything Alex touches seems to wither up and die before her eyes. The best thing to do is to stay as far from Olivia as she can.

* * *

They spend the rest of the evening in an awkward silence, with Olivia staring out the window, eyes drifting back and forth from the lake to the road and Alex with her nose in a book. She's been stuck on page 24 for the past hour, alternating between glancing at Olivia and rereading the same paragraph because she can't seem to focus. It takes everything she has not to toss the book aside, stride purposefully over to the trooper, grab her head between both hands and do what surely they've both been thinking about.

But Olivia is right. It can't happen. She's not ready for it to happen. And that thought makes Alex miserable.

After a while, Alex wanders into the kitchen to straighten things up. The glassware clinks lightly against the sink as she hand-washes it, might as well, to take her mind off things. Twenty minutes later, Alex realizes she's been drying the same bowl for quite some time and, setting it down gently in its cabinet, she turns back towards the living room and looks for Olivia.

And there she is, reclined against the couch's arm, sinking into the cushions with her head resting back. She's fast asleep.

Alex makes her way to the couch, reaches for the throw blanket and spreads it lightly over the woman. That stray hair that seems to continuously fall into the brunette's eyes is gently brushed aside, and Alex simultaneously wishes Olivia would wake up and that she'd stay asleep so Alex can watch her face and how peaceful it is. Olivia stirs only slightly and nestles even farther down into the warmth as Alex stands back up. She watches Olivia sleep for a moment longer, a thousand thoughts whirring through her mind. What if? What if?

It's too much to think about. Giving up, she runs a hand over her tired face and starts to shut everything down for the night. When the doors are all locked and the lights are turned off, except for the hall light, she leaves that on in case Olivia wakes up and decides to get in an actual bed, not Alex's bed of course, the guest bedroom bed, Alex uses the bathroom and goes into her room.

* * *

**Wednesday, June 12**

Olivia wakes up to a crick in her neck and the sunlight shining hot and bright into her face. Vision blurry and sleep caking her eyes, Olivia sits up from her reclined position and looks around. She's spent the night on the couch without meaning to, but the blanket that covers her was not there the night before and she frowns at it. Alex must have done that. Stretching the tight muscles in her neck and back out, she thinks back to what it was that actually woke her up. It was something else, some strange noise that pervaded her dreams right before waking.

And out of the relative silence of the morning, she hears it again from within the house. It's coming from the bathroom, and standing up with one more stretch of her spine, she makes her way towards it. Closer to the bathroom now, she hears it again and recognizes it now that's she's closer for what it is. The sound of someone throwing up.

Standing close to the door so she can hear the response, Olivia's knuckles rap lightly against the wood.

"Alex? You okay in there?"

She's greeted by another drawn-out retching sound, followed after a pause by the toilet flushing.

"I'm fine," Alex voice floats through the door, but Olivia notices right away that she doesn't sound fine.

The water runs inside the bathroom and at that moment, Olivia's phone buzzes from within her right pants pocket. The clothes she wore yesterday are wrinkled and unkempt, and she rummages around in the crumpled pocket, trying to find it. Finally her hand closes around her old phone and she pulls it out, peering down at the screen.

It's Cesar. Great.

She gives one last look towards the bathroom before turning back to the kitchen and unlocking the back door. The morning is warm and dry, and her surroundings chirp and call out with life and happiness at this relatively cool start of a new day. But for her, it's one more day chained to a petulant man on the other end of this telephone.

"Cesar," she says, with her voice transitioning easily into Spanish; she's trying hard not to sound unhappy to hear from him. "What's up?"

"What's up? Really? That's what you're gonna greet me with?" He's pissed and Olivia has a good idea as to why. She didn't think it was too much to ask for just a little more time before he found out about his brother turning on him.

"What's the matter?" She's on the fence between fessing up to him that she's known all along and just keeping it quiet that Elliot told her over a day ago what happened.

"You mean you don't know? Your Ranger buddy hasn't told you that my brother, my only living brother is now giving up information to the police?"

"Cesar, I haven't spoken to him . . ."

But he cuts her off. Lying to him might not get her anywhere. "No! This is bullshit! You need to be here right now. I want to see you in person and you can tell me to my face that you didn't know."

Well, shit.

"Okay, where . . ."

He cuts her off again. This isn't good. He's in a bad mood and the situation is about to get volatile. "La Pasadita," he says and then promptly hangs up. On the bright side, however, La Pasadita is back in San Antonio, within a few miles of his compound. And that means he's nowhere near Alex's uncle's house and nowhere near Alex. He has no idea where she is. Breathing in a deep, calming breath, she makes a deal with herself. She'll go see him, see if she can calm him down, talk him out of whatever he's planning on doing about this no-win situation, feed him some bullshit about Alex still being under protective custody, and then get back here as soon as possible. No one gets hurt.

"Who was that?" A voice hits her ears and she spins around, composing herself at the last second and slipping her phone easily back into her pocket, hoping Alex doesn't notice that it's not the phone Elliot gave her.

"Elliot. He was just telling me about the case." The expression on Alex's face says she's not convinced. She frowns.

"Do you always speak in Spanish to Elliot?"

Letting a light laugh escape her lips, Olivia shrugs noncommittally. "When I'm especially excited about something or when I'm pissed off, it just happens naturally."

"I didn't even know you spoke Spanish," Alex says, arms crossing over her chest as she holds the door open for Olivia. Walking past the blonde, Olivia gives her a brief glance.

"My mother spoke it, so I learned it early." The door shuts behind them and Alex starts opening cabinets, rummaging around for something to eat. To help out and to keep her hands busy so that she doesn't fidget under these lies, Olivia joins Alex in the kitchen and pulls out the coffee container. Might as well start the morning off right, she thinks, before she has to make it wrong by lying to Alex and leaving her alone for a while. She feels like shit for not telling Alex everything about the case yesterday, but it turned out for the best today, because now she has the perfect excuse to leave.

"So was it a good thing or a bad thing Elliot was telling you about?"

"Good thing, actually," Olivia starts, focusing on filling the coffee pot with water. Now is as good a time as any to share the information about Marcus. "Marcus is currently giving up information about Cesar's whereabouts and about their entire section of the cartel. He hasn't said anything about your parents' murders yet, but probably will, to save his own skin when he hears about Texas' death penalty. Elliot's just about to call in DEA and the feds to make a move. And on top of that, the lab got hits on all three of their DNA from your clothes, so Marcus and Cesar will be charged for rape."

"Wow," Alex says and when Olivia casts a glance her direction, she really does look surprised. Other emotions flit across her face but it happens so quickly, Olivia has a hard time discerning what she's feeling. "So this is it?"

Nodding, Olivia dumps some coffee into the filter and sets the pot down on its holder. The machine whirs to life when she hits the switch. "Yeah, and they want me to visit headquarters and help them with information about the case."

"You mean information about me." It's a statement more than a question and Olivia turns her head. Alex is frowning again. Sighing, Olivia looks down at her hands and then turns fully to face Alex. "Yeah, about you. So I've got to go for a little while, but I'll be back later this afternoon."

The blonde's chest rises and falls as she takes a deep breath. She nods her head slowly, seemingly trying to reason internally with herself.

"I won't be gone for long. You'll be okay here, right?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine," she says quickly. Too quickly. Guilt washes hotly over Olivia, not only for leaving Alex here when she needs so desperately to have someone she can trust around, but for actually being a person she shouldn't be trusting in the first place. It's a fucked up situation and she vows to herself to try and make it better. She tries to convey her regret about having to go through her eyes.

"Okay," Olivia says, realizing she doesn't have time to let the coffee brew. "If anything bad happens, call Elliot. You've got the cell phone he gave you?"

Alex nods and bites the inside of her mouth; Olivia can see her flinch slightly from the pain of it. She shouldn't go. But she has to. Alex will be safe here, safer than alone in a hotel room Cesar might have access to.

"Alright, see you in a little bit then."

The blonde doesn't answer, just stares at her with those clear, blue eyes and Olivia gathers up her things to go.


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N - Hello again readers. Next installment is here! Story intensifies! _  
_Also, just want to be clear. Hopefully you read all the warnings in Chapter 1 because they still apply. If you can't handle that stuff, don't bother reading this, and especially the next three or four chapters, because it's definitely dark and will make some readers unhappy and uncomfortable. Okay . . Enjoy the story. Thanks!_

**Wednesday June 12**

It's a typical hot June morning and Elliot wipes the sweat from his brow in his 'air conditioned' car, sweating already in his crisp white shirt. The tie and cowboy hat are part of the uniform, but in this summer heat, it's just stifling. And the coffee is only making things worse. Iced coffee is the only way to go and he made the mistake of getting it piping hot.

He slams the door to his car, stepping out into the sun and the real heat. The side door swings open and closed behind him and he takes the stairs two at a time up to the hotel room. It's been a good while since he's seen these two ladies and a lot has happened in that time. As soon as he speaks to them and delivers to them another meal, the plan is to collaborate with the Feds and the DEA to start bringing down a whole section of the cartel.

Granted, this section is small and most of the time works autonomously; the extended Velez family does have to answer to a higher power, and that's what the Feds will be most interested in. Taking down these guys first and then using them to infiltrate the big dogs.

Marcus is the first domino in this sequence and yesterday, he toppled over perfectly, giving up names and locations of his brother and cousins.

Elliot knocks on the door, standing outside in the hall with two paper bags in his hands. Waiting for a few more moments, he knocks again, growing impatient. It's almost 11 am. Surely they're awake by now. He knocks one more time before setting the bags down and pulling out his key.

It slides in the opening and back out, the green light glows and he pushes the door open.

"Good morning," he calls out before looking inside. Elliot knows better than most men the importance of giving women privacy before barging into a room unannounced. A wife and three daughters will do that to a person.

But still there's no answer, and right away the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Answer me, damn it, he thinks. He shoves the door open, hand going to his gun as it closes with a bang behind him. His footsteps are muffled by the cheap carpet as Elliot steps farther into the room. Eyes sweeping around the entire thing, he quickly determines that it's empty.

They're both gone. What in the hell is going on?

Reaching for his cell phone, he jams his fingers onto it, punching in Olivia's new contact and pressing send. On the third ring, she picks up for a moment and Elliot hears a rustling noise that sounds like the inside of someone's pocket and then the call ends. He tries Alex's new phone. The call doesn't even go through.

"Well shit," he mutters under his breath. Grabbing Olivia's files, Elliot makes sure he has all of them and looks around. Her job, after being threatened, was to simply make sure Alex stayed safe and if she learned any new information to let Elliot know right away.

So much for that. The door slams behind him again as he leaves the room. There's no note or anything. Olivia's stuff is all there, but there's no Olivia and certainly no Alex. Two key players in this whole deal. A twinge of panic grabs hold of his heart as his mind races through the possibilities.

Olivia wouldn't have done this willingly. She knows protocol. Either someone threatened them and they just took off or someone, Velez probably, came in and got them. But there were no scuff marks, no blood, no signs of struggle. Just two made beds and Olivia's stuff. It doesn't make any sense.

* * *

La Pasadita is a market inside a tiny building painted with bright colors with the typical bars on the windows, necessary for this part of town if business owners want to stay in business and avoid nighttime robberies. The door swings wide and the familiar myriad smells hit her nostrils. Fresh vegetables and fruit, spices, and as always, the long ice box along one wall filled to the brim with homemade ice cream and frozen blended fruit. This afternoon, the woman who runs the place is straightening up a shelf of canned goods, and she turns to wave at Olivia when she enters. This place has been the sometimes-meeting place for Velez and his cronies for several years. Whether or not the woman knows her market is a sort of drug cartel headquarters, Olivia has no idea.

It doesn't take long for Olivia's eyes to scan the small shop and find who she's looking for. Velez is seated at one of two small tables near the ice cream, hands folded on the tabletop and knees bouncing up and down nervously on either side of his chair. He looks a little crazed, like he might be on drugs. Either that, or he's just lost it. An untouched cup of coffee sits in front of him with steam rising lazily from the surface. "Sit down," he says, and his voice is cold but jittery. She complies, pulling out the chair with a squeak against the tile and sits.

"How the fuck is it that I find out about my brother giving me up before _you_ warn me?"

She stays quiet. It's hard to know exactly what to say in a situation like this, what exactly he'll react to. "I didn't know. Honestly."

"Bullshit. You're in with the Ranger. You told me you were. He would have told you all about this."

"I've been in seclusion."

Cesar shakes his head. He doesn't believe her.

"You're right. But you sure as shit haven't been at the hotel."

Fuck. Of course he's had someone watching. After their last phone conversation a few days ago, she should have known he'd have someone there keeping an eye out. Has he trusted her at all this entire time? When she doesn't answer, Cesar goes on.

"You should have told me you left the hotel."

"I'm sorry, it happened so fast . . ."

"No," he cuts Olivia off, his face contorts in displeasure. "Shut the fuck up. You're trying to hide her from me. I knew it. You two should never have crossed paths."

"No, Cesar, I'm not."

"Yes. You keep moving her, not telling me where she is, trying to stop me from hurting her. I had your phone tracked and knew what hotel you were at. But when you left, I lost the signal."

"We talked about this, remember? That when she was ready to leave the hotel, we'd make our move? If I was trying to hide her, I wouldn't be here right now." It's crucial to convince him of this. That yes, she's been keeping Alex in different places, but in the end, she's loyal to him, that she wasn't trying to pull one over on him.

"I think you're here because you want to protect her." Olivia's mouth turns dry and she tries to swallow but can't.

"Cesar, have I ever done you wrong?"

He smiles, shakes his head. "You just haven't had the chance yet."

"I wouldn't, Cesar." If he would just calm down, see things clearly. There isn't any reason he shouldn't believe her and realize that she's still on his side.

"I'm testing you all the time, Olivia. All the time. And this time you failed my test."

Olivia squints at him because he's not making sense. What test? "What do you mean?"

"You were supposed to contact me every step of the way. You've been quiet for four days."

"That's not what happened . . . " Cesar's face turns into a child-like pout as he ignores her completely.

"What did happen, baby? Did you fall for her?"

She scoffs, hoping he doesn't see how true that actually is. "What are you talking about? Of course not."

"I think you did. She's very beautiful. Irresistible really. But you know, I already had her first."

Her eyes squeeze closed. "Cesar . . ."

"No. Shut up." He leans over the table and speaks with a sneer. "She was a good fuck, too. A little unresponsive, but I could have fixed that within a couple of weeks. Maybe I'll get to have that one more time before I put my gun in her mouth and shut her up for good."

The thought makes Olivia's inside twist into knots. It's sick what he's done to Alex, and now she can see it written all over his face, how demented he really is, how much he doesn't care about how many lives he's torn apart. She wants to throw up, but he goes on, his eyes gleaming like two shiny black beetles. On top of everything, she feels the phone Elliot gave her buzzing in her right pocket.

"Because she killed one of my brothers and now the only family I have left has turned on me thanks to her. And you. So you're both going to pay for it."

"Cesar, please. You don't have to do this. It's going to make things worse."

"How can things get any worse?"

It doesn't seem like there's any chance of making up the ground she's already lost with him, but it isn't difficult to see that he's a man at the end of his rope. She sneaks her hand down, pretending to rest her hands on her thighs and hits the end button, hoping Cesar didn't hear the vibrations. He slams his hands down on the table angrily. The woman behind the counter jumps slightly but looks back down and stays busy.

"I have no one left."

Like the rest of us, Olivia thinks. It's almost comical, what he's just said. He's torn all their lives apart. Almost all of them, because her own family was small and dysfunctional to begin with, there wasn't much anything to tear apart.

"So here's what's going to happen. You're going to take me to her. Tonight."

She hesitates, again not really knowing what to say, but definitely feeling like everything is coming unraveled. There's no going back now. "You're going to kill her."

He nods. "Yes. And you're going to watch. Lying bitch. I _own_ you."

Like before, his face twists up and he jabs his finger into her face. Staring past the finger back into his eyes, Olivia tries not to blink. "You think you can just do whatever you want. It's time to learn your fucking lesson."

"I'm not taking you to her."

He pulls out his gun, and now the little old woman behind the counter lets out a tiny shriek and shuffles into the back room. This meeting has not gone the way she hoped. In fact, she's already wishing she'd just stayed at Alex's uncle's. But it's too late to start thinking about what if, and she has to deal with what's happening now. In defiance, she juts out her chin, daring him to make the next move.

"Shoot me. I don't care. But I'm not going to let you hurt her again."

He sneers. "You let me hurt her in the first place. You didn't stop me from sending my brothers to her house the second time."

"I didn't know abo . . ."

"Shut the fuck up!" He screams in her face as he waves the gun again. He's acting like she was in on all of his little side schemes, where he and his brothers secretly stashed Alex away and secretly went back to her house to intimidate her more.

"You're going to tell me where she is."

Olivia gives him a hard look, gets ready to take a bullet to the face. But she has a feeling Cesar has worse things in store for her.

"Okay," he says, his face morphing into a mirror of Olivia's. Calm and collected. "You want to play hardball? Let's do it."

A piece of paper crinkles as he pulls it out of his pocket. "Elliot Stabler, wife Kathy, daughters Maureen, age 16, Kathleen, age 13, Elizabeth, age 10 and Richard, age 8. Two three zero nine Calvo Street." He waits, looking for her reaction. It's almost impossible to keep her face from moving.

"Recognize that shit?"

Fuck. He sees the look pass over her face.

"That's right. You've made a new friend. And I know you haven't known him very long, but think of the children."

"You wouldn't."

"The fuck I wouldn't. I'm going to have your friend the Ranger killed. And his family. Kathy and all his little brats. And you know I'll do it."

She stares at him, beginning to feel a little helpless. There's no reason not to believe him. He's done it before, ruthlessly murdered families.

"You're going to take me to her. Let's go."

The store is long deserted by now and no one is around to see him pull her viciously towards the door. Her sidearm is heavy against her hip, but it's useless because his gun is still out and digging threateningly now into her back. They walk together out to the parking lot where Cesar's black pickup waits.

Two other pickups sit next to Cesar's and Olivia can see several of his cousins occupying their cabs. Of course he would have backup, ready to go. Cesar holds his gun on her until she gives up her own. She pulls it out reluctantly and hands it to him. Inside the truck, he climbs in next to her in the backseat and holds the gun on her with a cold expression. Not long before today, Alex sat in this exact same seat probably also with a gun to her face. God, if only Alex had gone a different direction that first morning. Olivia has no choice but to give him directions to the lake.

It will be dark by the time they get back to Alex's place. Her phone vibrates again and she jumps in surprise. Cesar notices and watches her with furrowed brows. The phone is making an audible noise now and there's nothing she can do about it without drawing more attention.

"Who's calling you?" he demands, but when she doesn't answer, he points the gun at her again. "Look and see."

Hand traveling slowly down to the pocket again, she pulls the phone out this time, knowing that it's either Elliot or Alex. If it's Elliot, she has a feeling what he's going to say. He was supposed to visit them at the hotel today, and that means he knows they're not there anymore and that something is up. Looking down at the glowing screen, she breathes in deeply. It's Elliot. She shows the phone to Cesar and he inclines his head towards it.

"Answer it, tell him you're okay," he says quietly. "But don't you fucking say a word about what we're about to do. You warn him and they all die."

She nods and presses the accept button.

* * *

The panic Elliot feels is spreading. His job was to protect Alex and now she's missing. And Olivia too. He paces the floor in his office, running a hand over his close-cut hair and trying to figure out what the fuck to do about everything. Once more he grabs his cell phone and dials Olivia's number. This time she answers. He breathes out, relieved that at least she's not dead.

"Elliot."

"Liv, where the hell are you? Why aren't you at the hotel?"

She hesitates on the other end and Elliot listens hard, waiting for her response.

"Hello?"

"Yeah, I'm here. I . . uh . . we had to relocate."

"Relocate? Relocate to where?" He's trying not sound desperate for answers. But he is desperate for answers.

"That's not important right now. The important thing is that Alex and I are safe."

Elliot shakes his head, thoughts whirring around in his mind a hundred miles an hour. "But where are you?"

"I've got to go. Don't worry, Elliot. Everything's fine."

She hangs up and Elliot moves the phone away from his ear, staring at it in disbelief. What in the hell was that? He puts the phone in his pocket and scratches his head. It's like one of two things: Olivia's saying that she's okay and she's really not, or she and Alex are actually fine.

But the last one doesn't make sense. Why would Olivia willingly leave the hotel and refuse to tell Elliot where they are. It doesn't feel right, so he makes a decision to look into things. He's already spoken to the people at the hotel and that was a bust. They never saw Alex or Olivia the entire time. It's either Olivia's being forced to say they're okay, or she's got something else going on. And the easiest way to figure that out is to do a little digging into the trooper's past few days. He grabs his keys, pulls out his phone and makes a quick call to Olivia's captain, making sure what he's about to do is not a problem for the Department of Public Safety.

...

Ten minutes later, he arrives at Olivia's workplace, greeted by Captain Aarons and is led inside to her desk. As they walk, Elliot asks the captain if Olivia has ever given him reason to believe she might go rogue or lie about her whereabouts. Aarons shakes his head, bewildered that Olivia would do something like this; it doesn't sound like her at all, he says with a skeptical expression.

Sitting down at the computer, he wakes it up from its hibernation and looks first at her browsing history; it comes up like he thought it would, with news article searches about Alex Cabot and her parent's murders. He's already been through Olivia's interview with Alex from the hospital. All standard. He tried tracking the phone after talking to Olivia, but it was no good. The phone was turned off, and they could be anywhere. At a loss for new ideas, this is the only thing left he hasn't been over.

Her traffic stop tapes are stacked up and ready to be viewed. Captain Aarons stands behind Elliot to observe as he puts the first disk into Olivia's computer. He fast-forwards to her most recent stop, the one with Alex on the motorcycle. The video begins as soon as she turns her lights and sirens on and he hears Olivia's voice faintly on the computer's speakers, calling out her number to the dispatcher and what exactly is taking place.

His focus, however, remains on the actual video, and as the cruiser accelerates, the motorcycle comes into view and he can see it weave in and out of traffic up ahead. It slows down after a while and he can hear Olivia talking in the background, probably to herself. The rest of the video plays out just like Olivia said, she gets the blonde's license and registration after asking a few unsuccessful questions about why she's going so fast and who the bike belongs to. Olivia asks if something is bothering her, if someone is after her and Alex's voice denies that anything is wrong, although her posture in the video says otherwise. She looks awful.

Next, Olivia walks back to the car, types in the name and gets the ticket printed out. She's back standing by Alex before long and then pulls out her radio when Alex refuses to let Olivia search her bike. The K-9 unit shows up, the dog does its thing and they get back in the car. No drugs. And finally, Olivia hands Alex the ticket and the blonde shoves the helmet back on her head and zips away.

"What exactly are you looking for?" Aarons asks. Elliot scrunches up his face and scratches his head.

"I don't know. Anything out of the ordinary that will help me figure out what the hell is going on with her."

Aarons frowns for a moment. "Well, whatever it was she saying at the beginning of the stop was pretty out of the ordinary. She normally doesn't talk to herself."

Turning back to the screen, Elliot drags the cursor back to the beginning of the video and lets it play, this time reaching over to turn up the volume.

Olivia's voice comes in louder now, giving her location and situation. And the engine is louder too, revving up and accelerating to match the high speed the motorcycle is traveling. But suddenly there's a noise they didn't hear earlier. It's a rustling sound and then Olivia's voice again, sounding distracted.

"_Yeah? I'm here. Kind of in the middle of something right now, though._" Her one-sided conversation sounds agitated, like someone is calling her and she's too busy to listen to them. Which she should be. Troopers are supposed to be focused on accomplishing the task at hand, not making personal phone calls.

"Who the hell is she talking to?" Elliot mutters and he can feel Aarons leaning in closer over his shoulder. He's wondering the same thing. After a moment and in between dodging a few semi-trucks, Olivia speaks again. "_What_?"

Disbelief is what he hears next in Olivia's voice. Whatever this is, Elliot thinks, it better be damned important if she's talking on the phone while driving probably one-handed and at a high rate of speed.

"_Vicente's bike you said?_"

Elliot's eyes grow wide. Vicente. Olivia didn't know about Vicente until after the traffic stop. What in the hell?

"_Good news. I've already got her. I'm in pursuit right now_."

Another pause. "_Yeah. I gotta go_."

"Who's Vicente?" Aarons asks and Elliot continues to stare at the screen, unable to compute what he just witnessed. It can't be.

"Hello? Stabler?" Elliot jerks his head up and blinks. "He's . . uh . . he's part of the drug cartel. Or was until that woman," he points at the screen to Alex. "killed him in self-defense."

"And Benson knew him before this?"

Standing up, Elliot ignores him, grabs his keys and takes off out the door and into the hall, mind going again at a hundred miles an hour, trying to sort out what to do. Olivia Benson is with the drug cartel. Holy shit. And he's entrusted his star witness, the woman whose family has been all but wiped out, the woman who'd just been tortured and raped and beaten, to a trooper working on the side for the cartel. Holy shit.

First things first, he needs to call Alex and he hopes to god or whoever else might be listening that she answers. After that, he'll get with the feds and get a jump on the situation. Maybe, just maybe, if Alex is with Olivia, she can explain what all of this is and reassure him that what seems to be happening is not really happening. But the sinking feeling in his gut tells him otherwise.

He dials Alex's number as he pushes out through the DPS headquarters' front doors. She picks up on the second ring.

"Alex, thank god you answered. Are you okay?" His voice is frantic, but he doesn't care.

"Elliot? Yeah, fine. What's going on? You sound like you're freaking out."

She sounds calm. Shit, he thinks. She must have no idea. But it's good that she's not panicked. He wants to keep it that way and takes a deep breath to calm himself.

"Is Olivia there?"

"No, she said she was going to see you. You had just talked to her on the phone and you said something about Marcus giving up information on Cesar. That he hasn't said anything about the murders yet . . . What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. Where are you?"

"What do you mean where am I? Olivia said she told you."

He's quiet because his mind is trying to catch up with everything. Olivia left Alex alone somewhere, probably without a mode of transportation and then lied about where she was going and what she told Elliot. Alex catches on quickly. "She didn't tell you."

"No," he says quietly, starting his car and leaving it idling for a moment.

"She lied to me. What is going on?"

He ignores her demand and makes his own. "Tell me where you are."

"I'm at my uncle's lake house. Medina Lake."

"Okay, give me an address." He jots it down on a scrap of paper as she recites it to him. It's a good hour and a half away from where he is now. It will be dark by the time he and what team he can throw together get out there.

"What's going on, Elliot?"

"I'm not sure yet," he says, unsure about whether or not to just tell her. The last thing he wants is for her to panic.

"Just stay there, I'm coming to get you."

"But why?" Alex demands. "I thought I was safe here. Why would Olivia lie?"

"Just, stay there. Please don't go anywhere. I haven't been able to get a tracking signal on your phone, so please don't go anywhere."

"Okay," she says, sounding unsure. He hangs up and throws his car into drive, zipping through traffic as fast as the speed limit will allow to get back to his office. Screw it, he thinks as he dials numbers on his phone and gets all the right people on the line to put a team together. And in the back of his mind, he can't believe what's just happened. A state trooper who went over to the other side. What could have propelled her to do something as drastic as that? What could Velez possibly have on her to keep her loyal to him? And god, imagine all the shit she probably let go through on the highways. And worst of all, he's trusted the safety of a battered and abused woman to one of Cesar's own people.

The last phone call he makes before pulling into the headquarters is to a buddy of his who works with the DEA. But ten minutes later, frustrated and close to throwing his phone against the wall, he's gotten nowhere after explaining to them what happened and asking if they have any information on Olivia Benson. His buddy claims that he's unauthorized to comment on any ongoing cases and asks Elliot to wait five more minutes for them to accompany the team to Lake Medina.

"God damn it, I don't have five minutes. A woman is in danger!" And with that, he hangs up the phone and confers briefly with his team. They waste no time in suiting up, loading into several SUVs and barreling onto the road, heading west.


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N - hello all! I know it's been a while and I apologize. Lots of stuff going on. I'm trying to get ahead again with the writing and I'm getting really close to the end. Don't know if you needed it, but I included a small excerpt of what happened at the end of the last chapter. Enjoy!_

* * *

**Previously – on Pursuit. **

_"What do you mean where am I? Olivia said she told you."_

_He's quiet because his mind is trying to catch up with everything. Olivia left Alex alone somewhere, probably without a mode of transportation and then lied about where she was going and what she told Elliot. Alex catches on quickly. "She didn't tell you."_

_"No," he says quietly, starting his car and leaving it idling for a moment._

_"She lied to me. What is going on?"_

_He ignores her demand and makes his own. "Tell me where you are."_

* * *

**Still Wednesday, June 11**

It's been at least fifteen minutes since Elliot last called. And Alex has no idea what to think. She's been pacing back and forth nervously in front of the window, coming close every time she reaches the front hallway to just walking out the door, hopping on a motorcycle and never looking back.

But each time, she hesitates. Last time she did that, Cesar caught up with her again. And now . . . Olivia. She lied. She's up to something and Elliot is as suspicious as Alex. Only, Elliot probably knows more about it than Alex does, being that she's isolated in the middle of fucking nowhere.

A thousand thoughts fly through her mind, going over every single detail of every single interaction they ever had. It's just . . . bizarre. Alex had grown to trust the trooper, to rely on her and believe that she was there to help and protect and comfort. So why would she lie?

And now Elliot is taking too long. He said to stay here, to just wait until he got here and everything would be okay. But he sounded frantic, like something was wrong.

Alex gives in and pulls her Elliot-approved cell phone out of her jeans pocket. His number is her most recent call. She presses send and waits for him to answer. He finally does.

"What is going on?"

"Alex . ." he starts and then his voice is muffled, like he's covering the mouthpiece with his hand. "No, turn left up here. Yeah."

"Elliot, where is Olivia?"

"Look, here's the thing . . ."

A glinting light reflects into Alex's eyes, blinding her momentarily and she squints into it. Elliot is saying something on the phone but she doesn't hear him. That reflecting light can't be from what she thinks it is. There's no way.

No fucking way.

"Elliot . . ."

"It's just that I didn't want you to panic and . . ."

"ELLIOT!" Alex yells into the phone, eyes growing wider and wider at the approaching vehicle.

"What?"

"He's here. His fucking truck is driving up! How is he here? How did he know I'M here?" The words jumble together out of her mouth, panic seizes her muscles, and she's frozen, staring out the window at the ever-growing pickup.

"Alex, that's what I was trying to . . ." But he changes course and goes for the important information. Alex hangs on his words, mouth still agape. "Okay, look. We have reason to believe Olivia's been working with the cartel."

"She . . . what?"

There's no way, Alex thinks again. No possible way.

"Yeah, I just listened to her traffic stop tapes and it's legit. Anyway, I'm on my way right now with a team. We're twenty minutes out."

"Twenty minutes . . ." A hand runs through already mussed hair. It's not real. It can't be. Everything was fine just a couple hours ago.

"Can you get out of there? Find a place to hide?"

"A place to . . ." But Alex can't connect coherent thoughts in her mind. She's too busy watching the truck pull into the driveway. "He's here, Elliot. He's going to kill me."

It's bizarre how calm those words sound coming from her mouth. The way she feels inside is a completely different matter; her breath is starting to come in short gasps: hyperventilation.

"Alex, listen to me. Find a place to hide. Get a knife or something to defend yourself with. And leave this call connected. Hide the phone on your body somewhere."

"Elliot," Alex gasps. Not again. She doesn't know if she can face this again. "I can't . . .I can't."

The door to the truck swings wide and Alex sees the boots first, then jean-clad legs and the rest of Cesar's body follows around the door.

"ALEX!" Elliot yells. "Just do it! You're going to be fine. We'll be there soon!"

Staring at the phone blankly for a split-second, Alex shakes her head, still unable to compute what's happening and then shoves it down her shirt and into her bra, hoping it stays on. Looking back out the window, she catches her first glance of Olivia since that morning, hopping down out of the truck with a blazing expression and a clenched jaw. It's unreal, like a dream is playing out before her eyes and she can't wake up.

And to top things off, Cesar's truck isn't the only one parked in the driveway. Two other pickups have joined it, and their passengers are leaving the cabs and following Cesar and Olivia towards her front door. "Shit," she mutters under her breath and turns slowly towards the kitchen. It's too late to grab anything. And with all these guys here, probably with guns, it's no use really.

The front doorknob rattles, and she wonders briefly why they don't just knock. But before the thought finishes crossing her mind, it bursts open with a crash, wood splintering across the entryway, and in steps Cesar with his gun drawn.

Her reaction is slow, almost nonexistent and within the space of two seconds, she's face to face with the last person on earth she wants to see.

"Alex, baby. Long time no see, huh?"

His smile is cold, leering and Alex's blood runs frigid over her spine just thinking about how dangerous he looks at that moment.

Two of his cousins step through the shattered foot behind him and Alex holds her breath, waiting to see Olivia but is disappointed.

He smiles wider at her, eyes gleaming, looking her up and down carefully. Feelings of violation wash over her again, like he's undressing her with his eyes like he did too many times before with his hands.

"Alex . . ." he starts slowly, a hand scratching through his scruffy facial hair. "What I want to know first is . . . _where_ have you been?"

What can she say? She's been hiding from him, scared for her life? What the hell does he think she's been doing, visiting Six Flags? She stays quiet.

"Come on baby, don't be shy. Next thing I want to know is," he waves his gun in her face. "What is so _fucking_ hard about following the rules?"

"The rules . .?" is the only thing she can squeak out. She knows it's been a sick twisted game, figuratively with him, but apparently there is a more literal meaning for this maniac.

"Yeah. Simple rules, really. Like no talking to the cops."

Alex closes her eyes, dread and vivid memories of Cesar's brothers busting down her front door with horrible intentions fill her mind. She shakes her head.

"Something about you fucking women. Why can't you just do what I say the first fucking time?"

Cesar paces the floor for a moment longer, then gestures towards his cousins and the door.

"Bring her in here. She's another one that can't follow simple rules."

The trooper crunches her way through the broken door, one of Cesar's cousins on either side of her, pulling her along. Their eyes meet, Olivia's and Alex's for a brief moment, long enough for Alex to see the utter guilt and pleading written all over the brunette's face.

"Ah, here she is. Your precious state trooper, huh Alex? Not who you thought she was?"

Alex responds with a glare towards Olivia. Cesar takes a moment, looking back and forth between the two women before he makes a move. Stepping closer and closer to Alex, all too quickly she's enveloped in his presence again, his smell overpowering and triggering and his breath hot in her ear as he moves in. He steps beside her, wraps his free arm around her shoulders and pulls her back towards him, holding the gun close to her head.

Olivia's eyes light up, a different emotion clouding her features. "Cesar, don't you fucking touch her!"

But it's too late. Cesar's cousins tighten their grip on Olivia's arms and Cesar pulls Alex even closer to him, nuzzling his head against her face affectionately. Alex squeezes her eyes closed, wishing with every fiber of her being that he would just let her go, would release her and leave her alone. He does neither of these things; a cold weight presses in on her cheek and she opens her eyes, catching a blurry silver mass out of her peripheral vision: his gun, wedged against her face.

And suddenly Alex is moving as Cesar shoves her against the wall closest to them, face first and she manages to catch herself before smacking her head fully on the drywall. Face to face now with photographs of her extended family smiling and laughing, Alex realizes with dismay that once again, she's brought her tag-a-long raincloud of destruction into someone else's home.

"Olivia, why don't you check and see if Alex here has any weapons or anything dangerous on her?" Alex can feel the eyes on her from all around the room and dread fills the pit of her stomach with what feels like acid and molten lead. Knowing Cesar, this situation could go from dangerous to downright humiliating and disgusting. It's not something she wants to look forward to. Keeping her eyes on the wall, Alex hears stumbling footsteps behind her, as if someone has been pushed and is trying to regain their footing.

And that would be Olivia, Alex thinks. God damned Judas.

Olivia's presence behind her is stifling. There's a pause where Alex anticipates contact but feels nothing. Just get it over with! she screams in her head.

"Go on. Feel her up," Cesar prods when Olivia waits longer. "If you haven't already, I know that's what you've been wanting to do."

The hands that start on her shoulders are tentative and gentle, but they belong to a turncoat back-stabber and Alex wants nothing more than to turn around and rip those hands completely off their arms. The touch moves down to Alex's sides, feeling for weapons and then traversing lightly over her back pockets and down the outsides of her thighs, a typical pat down, she figures, for a traffic stop maybe. Probably not as typical for someone who has felt what it's like to kiss that person, a person seemingly trustworthy.

But naturally, this type of mild touch won't do for Cesar. He makes a tutting noise from somewhere behind them.

"That's not really what we wanted to see, Olivia. You can do better than that. Go on, turn her around so we can watch you search the front."

The breath she can feel on her neck comes out all at once in a huff, and Olivia grasps her shoulders, turning her gently to face everyone in her aunt and uncle's living room. Cesar and five other men, probably all his cousins. Her eyes travel back to the face directly in front of her own. The brown eyes that meet hers are big and laden with guilt.

It explodes out all at once, the betrayal and anger towards this woman she had mistakenly grown to trust. Not only that, not only had she gone over in detail with Olivia every sick, horrifying thing that had happened over the last couple weeks, but Alex feels the most disgusted by the feelings she allowed herself to develop for this woman. And especially that kiss. That fucking kiss.

The slapping sound from her hand contacting the side of Olivia's face is loud and even takes Alex by surprise, as well as everyone else in the room. Olivia's eyes close upon the contact and she struggles to keep her head stationary, even through the force of the blow.

The only part of the trooper that moves is her hand, slowly raising to her cheek, feeling and wiping away blood from the split lip on her left side.

"Oooh," Cesar taunts from across the room. "Feisty isn't she? That's what I like about her."

Although she's frozen to the spot, unable to move because of the gun trained on her, Alex wants more than anything to find a way out. If there was some way to distract these guys, just for a minute, she could claw her way out of this and escape. But there is nothing. Nothing but Olivia in her face.

"Go on, finish up," Cesar demands and Alex watches the brunette's face. What could be possibly going through this woman's mind? How shitty she feels for practically holding out her arms and telling Alex to trust her, assuring her that it's okay, just fall backwards and then moving away and laughing as Alex falls flat on her ass?

But now Olivia's hands are on her again and she tries to ignore the touch all together, but it's close to impossible. The pat down continues up her torso and along the underside of her bra. Alex can feel the collective breath being held in the room, that all these men are waiting for more touching, for that boob grab that will really get them going. But it doesn't happen. Instead, Olivia keeps a neutral expression as she runs her fingers deliberately over the cell phone stuck in Alex's bra and keeps going.

It can't be a mistake, Olivia definitely felt it. But why the trooper doesn't say anything aloud and instead keeps moving her hands, bending down to pat the front pockets and on down Alex's legs, Alex has no idea.

Even after Alex's sharp intake of breath at that knowing touch, Olivia stays quiet. It doesn't make any sense.

Olivia finishes with her pat down and turns to face Cesar, who is watching the exchange hungrily, and Alex knows from experience what that expression means. His head might as well be that ceiling fan, spinning and spinning and taunting her with her helplessness. He's turned on. Sick fuck.

"Here's what I want to know," Cesar says calmly, waving his gun around nonchalantly as Olivia steps back. He seems to be satisfied enough with the pat down. For now, at least.

"What are you planning on doing about my brother?"

Olivia stares at him. The rest of the room's occupants watch, all heads swiveling back and forth.

"He'll get off," Olivia says confidently. "The rape charge is bogus, there's no evidence. And on top of that, it'll be easy to prove she lured Marcus and Vicente into a trap at her house, shot them in cold blood."

"What?" Alex can't hold it in. Her voice cracks and she burns red when all gazes turn to her.

Olivia returns her attention to Cesar, effectively ignoring Alex. "Of course, it'll be Alex's word against Marcus', and with Alex's history of lying to and avoiding the police, it shouldn't be too difficult to get Marcus off."

Trembling with anger at what she's hearing, Alex doesn't realize at first that this doesn't make sense.

It just isn't adding up, Alex thinks. Everything Olivia is saying is completely backwards from what she told Alex. But at the same time, Elliot is a good guy, that's fact. And Elliot knows she was raped and beaten and was trying to honestly protect her, so what Olivia's saying doesn't make any sense.

Unless.

Unless Olivia's lying to Cesar, telling him Alex is guilty rather than him or his brother. But why would she be lying to Cesar if she's working for him?

And on the other hand, why would Olivia bring him here if she _wasn't_ working for him? It makes Alex's head hurt, thinking about the intertwining and possibly complex double crossing that is happening before her eyes. Either way, it's probably best if Alex keeps her mouth shut and doesn't ask questions.

"Here's the problem," Cesar spits out as he motions to one of his cousins, a big burly guy with arms like Popeye, to grab hold of Olivia again. Cesar keeps his weapon trained on Alex. "None of us would even be in this situation if this bitch hadn't killed one of my brothers and sent my other one to the hospital."

Alex stays quiet. What can she do? Apologize?

"So what do you have to say for yourself?"

Well, maybe it won't hurt to apologize. She goes for it.

"Cesar, I'm sorry. They came after me with guns drawn and they were going to hurt me. I had to protect myself."

"Fuck that!" Cesar yells, eyes blazing. "You killed my brother!"

Something within Alex snaps and blue eyes shine with emotion. The words tumble out of her mouth before she can stop them. They've bubbled up and burst forth without much resistance. But it's not like it matters. Cesar's going to kill her anyway. "Now you know how I feel."

A blur flashes across the ten feet that separate them. Cesar is upon her, hand around her throat and gun pressed hard into her temple. "What the _fuck_ did you say to me?"

If it's going to happen regardless of what she says to him, Alex figures she might as well take a stand and let Cesar know the exact extent to which he ruined her life. She fights for air through his tightening hand, spitting out the words anyway.

"I said, now you know how I feel. You . . . killed both of my parents. And you threatened to kill . . . my sisters. You blackmailed me into running drugs for you and then you . . . kidnapped me, raped me and beat me. You sent your brothers to rape me again. And they probably would have . . . killed me if I had given them the chance. So_ fuck you_ for thinking you're the only one whose . . . life has been torn apart!"

Chest heaving and eyes boring into Alex's, Cesar looks like he's about to go crazy, maybe fill her face up with bullets. Alex notices finally that she too is breathing hard, adrenaline rushing at finally standing up to him face to face. When he speaks again, his voice is steady with an underlying, controlled rage.

"That's right. I did kill your parents. Vicente killed your daddy, slit his throat while your mother watched. It was wonderful to watch. And then I took care of your mother."

Alex blinks, the images filling in the blanks she's had concerning that night in her imagination.

"Your sisters would have been fun to get rid of too, if only they hadn't left so soon. And you, Alex, you were the best piece of ass I've had in a long time. A whole week's worth. Didn't you enjoy it?"

Every word Cesar says is like another blow driving a stake farther into her heart. She catches a glimpse over Cesar's shoulder of Olivia struggling against her captor, but it's no good; the Popeye cousin simply squeezes her tighter.

"You sick fuck, Cesar! Leave her alone! Haven't you done enough?" Olivia's voice is strangled and muffled, but Cesar hears her loud and clear, turning his head to glare at her. Alex can feel his hand shaking around her throat, slowly constricting her airway. His rage is barely contained.

"Not yet, Olivia," he yells, still looking over his shoulder, but keeping his gun pressed firmly against Alex's head. It's going to leave a bruise there, for sure, but it's not like she'll be alive to worry about it. Alex watches Olivia's face as Cesar goes on.

"And just so you know, since you're going to die here tonight too, I might as well tell you. I knocked off your mother too. Ended her miserable life myself."

Dark brows furrowing and a tiny shake of her head, conveying her inability to comprehend, Olivia's face is full of question. Alex doesn't understand what she's hearing at first, and then the exchange between Cesar and Olivia becomes clearer.

"You . . . what? But she . . she killed herself."

Cesar smiles over his shoulder and shakes his head. "No. She would have kept on drinking and bringing you down with her. I needed to speed things up for you."

"But . . . why? She's all I had left."

Even though she's been betrayed and lied to and double-crossed, Alex can't stop the sympathy from radiating out of her heart for Olivia. He's more twisted than she thought. And that's saying something. So that's what Olivia was talking about before, when Alex mentioned her suicidal thoughts and Olivia knew someone who really wanted to kill themselves.

"I had to, Olivia. Only desperate people work for the cartel. People who need a family."

Alex watches as the trooper struggles harder against the arms holding her down, tears now running down her contorted face. Sick fucking bastard.

"And besides," Cesar turns back to the blonde and smiles his crazed smile into her face, a plan formulating in his mind. He backs off, moving to the middle of the room and leaves her slumped against the wall. His eyes are on Olivia now.

"Now you know how Alex feels. And Alex . . . . since you two seem to have grown so close in the past couple days. It's perfect really. Neither of you are useful to me anymore. But I want to make sure, Alex, that you know what you've put me through. So. Who gets to die first?"

He trains his gun first on Alex and then swings it over to Olivia, who doesn't flinch. She must still be in shock.

"No," Alex says, without really understanding her need to protect the crumbling woman across the room. Perhaps it's the fact that Olivia really has tried to protect her so far, or so it seemed for a while. Or perhaps it's because Alex understands what Olivia is feeling, that she just found out her only remaining family was taken prematurely from her. Or maybe Alex is just as sick in the head as all the rest of these people. "Please. Don't hurt her."

An interested expression crosses Cesar's face. Crazed. He moves the gun back to Alex. "You shut the fuck up. You killed my brother. It's your fault my family is gone."

Something inside him seems to snap. He crosses the room in two long strides, grasping the hair on the back of Alex's head and wrenching her violently towards him. He swings them both around until they're facing Olivia. The cool metal of his gun is pressed again against her temple and her eyes scrunch up.

"I don't give a fuck about your family. I don't give a fuck about Olivia's family. What matters is that you destroyed everything I have. You and this bitch over here. And you're both going to suffer for it."

Alex grits her teeth, knowing she has one more card left to play, one move left to make in this game, and it's their only chance. The one thing left that can buy them more time. Her eyes close.

"Cesar, please," Alex whispers, but Cesar only squeezes tighter, his grip on her hair ripping out chunks of blonde. Olivia can see the gun pressing harder into her skull. Alex flinches and Olivia knows it must hurt, but there isn't anything she can do. This monster of a man who smells like sweat and body odor has her all wrapped up and unable to even shrug her shoulders.

"No! You're going to die first. And Olivia is going to watch. That's how it's going to be."

"Please. It's important." Olivia watches as Alex closes her eyes and begs Cesar to listen. But what she says next, Olivia can barely hear.

"I have to tell you something."

He pauses, wondering probably if it's some sort of trick. But Cesar glances up at Olivia, knowing that his goon has a firm hold on her and he takes the chance, leaning his head down to hear what Alex has to say. She says something quietly to him and at first, his expression is neutral, but it morphs quickly into disbelief.

"You're lying."

"I can prove it," Alex says in a broken voice and tears roll down her face.

"Okay. Where?"

Alex inclines her head to the back hallway and Cesar pulls her up, still by the hair and half drags, half frog marches her back there, out of Olivia's sight. She has no idea what just happened. The helplessness that immediately washes over her is overwhelming, and she wants to cry and scream and punch her hand through a wall. But mostly at that moment, she wants to make sure Alex is safe. Probably tied with that desire is the need to put a bullet into Cesar's head.

He killed her mother. He killed her and made it look like a suicide. For no reason other than to pull Olivia farther into the drug cartel. What kind of depraved human being does something like that? She was already well on her way to a deal with the devil, to selling her soul to the cartel and agreeing to be the one on the inside for them. But then again, Cesar is right in a way. Without her mother's death, she would have happily gone on, content with jobs on the side for the Velez brothers. It took a desperate circumstance for her to throw herself fully into Cesar's assignments.

A good five minutes pass and the goon remains calm, unwilling to let Olivia move even an inch. He simply squeezes tighter every time she budges, effectively cutting off her air supply and circulation. Finally Cesar and Alex come out of the bathroom, and this time he isn't pulling her by her hair.

Olivia hears him say something about Barbados or the Bahamas. What could Alex possibly have shown him to turn him completely around. His demeanor has changed, he's actually smiling and Olivia has no idea what it's all about.

And suddenly, all hell breaks loose. Cesar is caught unawares. He is smiling at one of his cousins, shaking his hand and whispering something in his ear when Alex goes for it. Cesar is standing directly in front of an ottoman, a plush leather one that looks inviting to sit on, and suddenly Alex pushes him from behind and he goes tumbling. It's the perfect moment. Olivia's goon reacts incorrectly to the situation. He lunges for Cesar, trying to stop him from hitting the ground and releases Olivia in the process. As soon as she has room, Olivia pulls her elbow back and clocks him solidly on his temple. The goon falls backwards, stunned momentarily as Alex reaches for Cesar's gun.

Olivia follows suit, going for the goon's gun and grasping hold of it. Her ears explode in a cacophony of noise as Alex fires from her gun. She had to, in self-defense, because two of the cousins lunged towards her. One of them falls to the ground in a heap with a bullet to the chest and the other rolls behind the furniture.

The same thing happens to Olivia and she aims for the goon's legs as he dives for her. Crumpling up against the ground, the cousin grabs for his bleeding leg and Olivia turns, head swiveling desperately around for Alex. She catches sight of the blonde dashing out the door in a rush. Cesar is on the ground, scrambling around for a gun and the cousins are distracted as well. No time like the present, Olivia thinks, as she breaks for it out the door right behind Alex with bullets ricocheting off the wood around her head.


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N - enjoy this chapter! kind of short, but the next one is almost done, so expect the update tomorrow. things are getting exciting! _

**Chapter 12, wednesday**

Dried up grass crunches beneath her feet and her heart pounds in her ears, almost as fast as her legs are pounding against the ground. The shed is a just a few more feet away and through the darkness, Olivia can just make out a woman's shape, struggling with a motorcycle and just managing to throw her leg over the side. If Alex leaves her, Olivia's as good as dead.

"Alex!" Olivia half-whispers, half-shouts. "Alex, wait!"

The engine turns over, growling viciously through the silence around the lake. The headlamp stays off, even in this darkness, but the bike doesn't take off yet. Olivia skids to a stop in front of the blonde, more than aware that they have mere seconds before Cesar and his cousins begin chasing after them after recovering from the surprise escape.

"Get on," Alex says, her voice quiet but firm. Olivia can just make out her expression through the shadows. It's skeptical. And angry. But Olivia doesn't waste time with questions or frivolous talk. She throws her leg over the back of the bike and wraps her arms as gingerly as possible around Alex's middle. There was just enough double-speak going on inside the house, Olivia considers as the engine revs up and Alex picks her feet off the ground, that perhaps Alex trusts her enough to let her on this bike. If she's not planning on shooting Olivia personally in the face later on, that is.

How she managed that, Olivia has no idea. The only thing Olivia has going for her is her reliance on Alex's memory. Would Alex remember everything Elliot had told her? It seems she has. She supposes momentarily that she could have just told Alex everything, just let it all out and trusted Alex with her secret. As the bike accelerates, Olivia shakes her head. No, that wouldn't have worked. She just couldn't take the chance that Alex might somehow, inadvertently or not, reveal everything and get them both killed right off the bat.

The bike zips past the house and just as it does, Cesar bursts forth from the already broken front door with gun drawn and pointed towards them. They're already a good twenty feet past him when he starts firing wildly at the motorcycle and Olivia can hear the pops and the echo resounding around the lake. Bullets must be whizzing past them but she isn't aware of them until a sharp pain alerts her to her side.

Olivia glances down, lifting her right arm out of the way of her t-shirt. Shit.

There's a long gash grazing her ribs, and blood is quickly soaking the shirt and spreading down to her jeans. It burns like hell, but Olivia doesn't think the bullet made good contact. Bastard is a pretty good shot. But not perfect.

"Are you hit?" Alex yells over her shoulder through the wind whipping around them. Resuming her position behind the blonde, leaning in and ignoring the searing pain, Olivia nods and then realizes Alex can't see her.

"Yeah, grazed. I'm fine, keeping driving."

"I wasn't planning on stopping!"

They're a block away from the house when the shine of headlights illuminates the houses and trees ahead of them. Olivia glances back quickly. Sure enough, it's Cesar's black truck, accelerating quickly towards them. Alex is driving fast, but so is Cesar.

"They're right behind us," Olivia yells. Their voices have to be loud over the roar of the engine. "We need to lose them!"

The bike responds smoothly, accelerating forward and tightly around a corner. But it's going to take a lot more than that to shake Cesar off their tail. Olivia has the gun she lifted off the goon-like cousin and Alex has one as well, but after the cousins searched her and relieved her of all her belongings, Olivia has no way to contact anyone or to call for backup.

"Did you call Elliot when we showed up?"

Alex turns her head and nods, and a tiny bit of relief washes through Olivia. She knew Alex had the phone after the pat-down, but wasn't sure if it got knocked loose during the scuffle. "You still have your phone?"

Taking a hand off the handlebar for a moment, Alex reaches down into her shirt and pulls out the phone, holding it back for Olivia to take.

"I had Elliot on the line. No idea if he's still there. He said he was on his way here with a team."

Olivia looks down at the phone, holding on to Alex with one arm as she turns quickly around another corner, fishtailing across the pavement, trying to loop in and out of the sparse neighborhoods. After depressing the button and illuminating the screen, Olivia sees that the connection with Elliot has been lost, but she does still have service, at least for a little while.

Elliot's number is her first thought, but before that, she needs to make sure her other contact is in on this situation. He should be, after her cryptic conversation with Elliot. Surely it was enough to set off alarm bells in Elliot's head. She goes with her second option, dials the number, and holds it to her ear, unsure if her contact will be able to hear over the wind.

"Who is this?" a gruff, but soothingly familiar voice demands, unfamiliar with the number and sounding flustered.

"It's Liv. Are you on your way?"

"Yeah, en route behind the Ranger. Maniac took off without letting us explain everything. His phone has been busy this entire time."

"Okay. We're on a motorcycle being pursued by Cesar in his truck. Can you track this phone?"

"No time," the voice answers. "We're close to the lake though. We need a location for a spike strip."

"Right," Olivia says and then directs her voice to the front of the bike. "Alex we need a good place to spike Cesar's tires. What are we near right now?"

Alex turns her head to the side again. "The west side of Habys Cove."

She pauses for a moment, still weaving in and out of the residential area while she thinks of a good place for a trap.

"Okay, the main road is north of here. Tell whoever that is to meet us where Pebble Beach road meets 1283. We'll take a left. That's as good a place as any."

Olivia relays the information, remembering at least one of these roads from her earlier trips to and from the lake. Veering back the other direction, Alex heads north and accelerates; Olivia holds on tighter, hoping there's enough time for a trap to be set up successfully.

After agreeing to give a half-mile for leeway and pressing the end button, Olivia chances another look back. Cesar is farther back now, just barely making the corner. If they're lucky, he might not have seen them disappear into their most recent turn.

So far so good. Olivia's eyes meet nothing but darkness in the road. She turns back to the front and looks down at Alex's phone again. Elliot's number is in her recent history. She presses send and holds it to her ear as Alex steers them towards the next road. It rings and rings but Elliot doesn't pick up. Shit.

In and out of neighborhoods Alex weaves, trying not to stick to any particular pattern just in case they happen upon the black pickup. And before long, they're close to the road intersection Alex just described. Alex shifts down and applies the brake, slowing down hesitantly.

"Where should I stop?" Betraying her unease, Alex's sideways-turned face holds apprehension. Not fear, just unease. There aren't many people on the road at this hour, not to mention it's still a weekday.

"Keep going. They'll be around the corner up there. Let's try it. We want to get past the spikes before they release them."

An engine roaring from somewhere behind them prompts Olivia's head to turn back, fast as lightning, ears attuned to that particular sound. It's hard to see exactly which truck it is, thanks to the blinding headlights shining in her eyes, but the engine certainly sounds like Cesar's.

"Shit, here he comes. You're gonna have to drive fast now. Take the curves at a straight line because we'll need distance from him."

Alex nods and kicks the gears back up, throttling the engine as they make the left turn onto the road, and Olivia takes one more look back.

The black pickup is visible from the side now and it doesn't hesitate a bit at the intersection, flying through it and fishtailing threateningly onto the road. And after that particular move, he's within fifty feet of them.

Just around the next curve, Olivia can see several cars parked on the side of the road. No lights, no sirens. But that has to be them. She points up ahead and Alex nods. She's seen them too.

Faster, the motorcycle accelerates, careening past a slow moving car and then into the curve. It feels too fast, like they're out of control, and at the last second, Olivia looks down at Alex's hands. They're shaking from the exertion, trying desperately to hold onto the bike's current direction. But it's too much.

Just as they fly past the parked cars and hidden people stationed behind them, Alex loses control; she manages to brake just enough to keep them from flipping over and hurtling headlong into the trees, but the motorcycle goes off the road anyway.

Continuing to drive the out-of-control machine as long as possible, Alex leans the opposite direction and Olivia mimics her, thinking absurdly about how hard she's squeezing the blonde and wondering if it will hurt later. They skid in what seems like a slow-motion forever, left knees and thighs dragging along the grass and dirt and absorbing most of the impact. It burns through their denim.

Finally, the bike comes to a merciful stop near the treeline and Olivia opens her eyes, marveling that she's still alive. She takes a deep breath in, checking momentarily that everything is still working. But there's something missing.

Cesar was right behind them. If the spike strips had been successful, there should have been a loud pop from his tires going out.

She looks up, moving her head just a bit to see over the spun and wrecked bike. And just as Cesar's truck skids around the turn, two loud bangs explode in the summer night air. But something's not right about the sounds. They should be more like pops and those sounded like . . . shotgun blasts. Her groggy brain takes a few seconds to catch up. They must have just missed catching Cesar with the spike strip and were forced to shoot out his tires, a risky move, but an effective one at getting the car to stop.

And sure enough, as Cesar's truck approaches them, his two right side tires are completely torn apart. He hasn't seen them yet apparently because he keeps going, his crippled truck wobbling on its good tires, headlights blinding the fallen women far back in the grass as he passes.

In succession and sounding more muffled, four of those familiar pops hit Olivia's ears. There go Cesar's cousins. Often, the car whose tires are blows out from spike strips going at a high rate of speed will flip over. And the sounds of twisting and crunching metal that she hears next confirms that thought. Her contact will be occupied with those guys, leaving not many people to come help Olivia and Alex. They probably don't even know we've wrecked, Olivia thinks.

It hurts, but they've got to move. Back into the trees is the safest spot, until someone can come take care of Cesar.

"Alex."

In response, all Olivia receives is a groan. The truck rolls to a stop down the road. Cesar must realize they aren't up ahead anymore. Now he'll start looking. "Alex! You okay?"

"Yes. I think so," Alex says quietly, squirming minutely beneath the bike's weight.

"We've got to move."

"But we're stuck under this . . ."

Olivia nods, and tests the heaviness with her arms. Bad idea.

That hurts all over. The grazing gunshot wound in her side, the skinned up leg beneath her tattered blue jeans, and also any broken bones she might have from the crash.

"You've got to help me push the bike off. Come on."

"Okay," Alex says, and her voice sounds stronger now.

"On three, let's push. Ready? One, two . . ." And on the third count, they push, straining against the bike and fortunately it's only medium-sized and not very heavy. They're able to scoot out from beneath it. Alex lies back against the grass once they're free, breathing hard from the exertion.

Looking down at her and then lifting her arm up to see how that bullet wound is doing, Olivia grimaces. It's still bloody. And now there are all sorts of debris in the wound, grass and dirt and small rocks. Lovely.

"To the trees?" Alex asks, watching Olivia carefully with shadow-covered eyes. And when she nods, they both struggle to their feet, hunching over so as not to appear too visible and limp their way back into the treeline.

Behind a huge elm tree, they position themselves, breathing hard and shaking, still able to look out and see their surroundings. Just in case Cesar tries to sneak up on them. Olivia can still see his truck, slowly moving along the road up ahead, tail lights glaring at them like angry demon eyes. He's still scanning the tall grass for them.

"Shit," Alex whispers, looking down at her tattered jeans and lifting some of the fabric to the side. It's an ugly-looking road rash, as bad as Olivia's. This has been one hell of a night, Olivia thinks. Taking in a deep breath, Olivia watches the blonde, grimacing and touching the wounds lightly, trying to gauge in the dark just how bad it is.

And slowly, Alex looks up. Olivia can barely make out the tremble in her voice. The uncertainty, the hope, the dread. The questioning.

"Before Cesar finds us and we both get shot again, I need to know. Because I don't understand completely."

Alex pauses, breathing in raggedly as her face contorts again in pain. "And I need . . . to understand. Are you good or are you bad?"

Olivia holds her gaze.

"What do you think?"

"I don't know what to think."

Eyes leaving Alex's dark face for a moment, Olivia fixes her gaze on Cesar's truck. It's backing up now, coming back towards them. Still, he might not be able to see them from where they're hiding, with vantage points all around and their backs fairly protected by the mass of trees. Looking back at the blonde, Olivia presses her back against the bark. It's solid, safe. Something she hasn't had in quite some time. And she's tired of feeling that way.

Down to the wire now, it's time, Olivia feels that Alex should know what is really going on. But she has a distinct feeling that Alex has already guessed, despite the question.

"What do your lawyer senses tell you?"

"That you lied to them."

"I did."

"But you lied to me too." And when she says that, Alex's voice breaks slightly, giving away her feelings of hurt and betrayal.

"I know," Olivia says, trying to convey her regret even though it's dark and Alex can't really see her. "I had to. I'm sorry."

"To protect me?"

Olivia nods. She's smart, this one. But that doesn't stop her from being upset that Olivia kept her in the dark for so long.

And suddenly that doesn't matter because Cesar has stopped right next to the crashed bike. The slam of a door alerts them both to this fact and Olivia closes her eyes briefly, going over what her game-plan is, steeling herself for the worst. From the opposite direction and quite some distance away, headlights are approaching, the roar of an engine giving away someone's hopefully desperate attempt to reach them. Please let it be backup, Olivia begs anyone who's listening. Maybe it's Elliot.

Her index finger goes up over her lips, a signal for Alex to be quiet and Olivia moves her open hand down; Alex complies, hunching down by the tree. Watching as Cesar hops out of the truck, Olivia tightens her grip around the stolen gun, moving her finger over the safety. It's off. She's ready to fire. There are five, maybe six bullets left in the magazine and she knows how crucial it is to be frugal with every single one.


	13. Chapter 13

Elliot's eyes stare hard into the rear view mirror. The SUV behind them has made a sharp left turn, their headlights disappearing down an adjacent road. They've peeled off without warning. Granted, they have no way to communicate with each other, with unreliable cell phone service, but Elliot can't figure out why they would take off like that. Some official business, he figures with a shrug. He needs to focus on the task at hand anyway, so he looks to the front again, guiding the driver down the correct road.

A cloud of dust billows up from their vehicle on the dusty road in front of Alex's aunt and uncle's house. Elliot double checks the address when he sees there aren't any cars parked in front of the house. This could be a good or a bad thing. Either no one is here yet and he's made it in time or he's missed everything and they're all gone for some reason. Or, god forbid, it could be a trap. Olivia could be here already. Cesar could be here already. There's no way to know, but he has the nagging feeling that he should have told Alex to get the hell out of there.

He and his team exit the car, guns drawn. Two of his team, Elliot sends around the back to make sure no one escapes that way, and the other two, he brings with him towards the front door. Walking slowly, carefully closer, he sees something that fills his stomach with dread.

The front door, swinging wide open in the wind, lights still blazing in the house. He steps first into the rectangle of light on the porch, holding the door open and poking his head quickly inside. At first glance, it doesn't look like anyone is in there. Giving the signal to his two companions, he moves forward, scanning the room for threats and sees none. What he does see is blood all over the floor and a pair of boots connected to legs behind the couch.

A quick look around, followed by a nudge with his foot to the body tells Elliot all he needs to know. Something big went down here, a definite struggle, and one of Cesar's cousins took the brunt end of it. The man took a gunshot to the chest and lies now with eyes gazing unseeingly at the ceiling, a reminder of how fragile even the most brutal and evil of lives are.

There's no one here. They've searched the bedrooms and moved back outside to look for tire tracks. A deep single track leads out to the main road, a motorcycle more than likely, followed by several more tracks made by vehicle with oversized tires. He's too late.

Again reaching for his phone, Elliot begins again to feel desperate and panicked, knowing that he's helpless and useless in this situation. One glance at the screen and he's cursing, getting close to throwing the damned phone on the ground and ending its miserable existence for good. There's a missed call from Olivia. Of course there is.

He gives the order to one of the people to call for the crime scene people and the medical examiner's office for the dead body and then turns and faces the almost-empty lake, rubbing a hand over his face.

When suddenly, several noises and a flash from across the lake catch his attention.

He listens hard.

Two gun blasts and then what sounds like tires popping around thirty seconds later. What in the hell? It's coming from directly across from the house, probably on the main road leading back towards San Antonio.

"Let's go!" Elliot yells out, motioning towards the car, and he jumps in and slams his door. The rest of the team piles in after and the wheels spin the gravel, finally catching hold and accelerating forward.

His thoughts, as the car hurtles around the other side of the lake, float back to his missed call from Olivia. What could she possibly have had to say? Something to distract him further, after everything they'd talked about and the theories they'd tossed back and forth. The false leads she must have led him on. He seethes inwardly, just thinking about it.

If Elliot had the chance right now, he'd wring her neck, watch the life go out of her treasonous eyes. Normally, he had a temper, but it never escalated as bad as this. This is a situation well-beyond his breaking point.

And imagine how Alex must feel right now, he thinks. God knows where she is. Cesar must have her. Or Olivia has her. There's no way to know until they reach the other side of the lake to find out if those shotgun blasts and tires popping are related to all this.

His thoughts go next to everything he, and the other occupants of his SUV, heard from the phone in Alex's shirt. At least that's where he figures it must have been, because they could hear most of the conversations pretty well. Some of them were jumbled, but he certainly got an earful when Alex convinced Cesar to go back into the bathroom with her. Christ.

But quickly, he has to refocus on the task at hand, eyes scanning the road for lights and crashed cars but sees nothing. They've come around the back way, thinking that they might miss any backed up traffic behind the road trap, if that's what those noises were.

And suddenly, the driver sees it first, Cesar's black truck parked crookedly in the grass, lights still on and doors shut. There doesn't appear to be anyone inside the cab. Their doors close quietly as the team exits the car and follows the blazing headlight beams into the trees. Off to the left, there's evidence of a motorcycle skid and crash, but the motorcycle itself doesn't look so bad.

Another SUV pulls up from the opposite direction, several seconds behind the Ranger and his team, and four people in dark blue jackets with guns drawn exit the vehicle. Elliot spares them a glance before motioning to the trees and squinting his eyes to see in the darkness.

A figure passes through Elliot's field of vision, maybe twenty feet away, walking slowly around a tree and drawing what looks like a gun.

Shit! He thinks as he takes off running towards the man, it has to be Cesar, and wishes all of this wasn't happening in a thicket of dark trees, for Christ's sake.

* * *

Everything happens so quickly, Alex's mind has trouble catching up. Several shots ring out some distance away, back around the corner where the spike trap was set up. It must be whoever Olivia was talking to earlier having some sort of a gunfight with Cesar's cousins.

Who knows where all those bullets are headed, Alex thinks as she and Olivia hunker down around the tree. She sees more headlights approaching from both sides of Cesar's truck; doors shut quietly and silhouettes flash in and out of the trees. But none of them are as close to her and Olivia as Cesar is right now.

Alex can hear Cesar mumbling from around the other side of the next tree. He's ten feet from them, but doesn't see or hear them yet. His presence is overbearing, once again, invading her personal space and suffocating her with flashbacks and visions of the horrible things he put her through. Panic at his voice starts to rise up within her, but she quiets it, trying desperately to convince herself that now is not the time. Now is the time to match up her breathing to Olivia's. For survival.

But her steady breathing is not enough. Losing her balance slightly, Alex's hand slips on the tree and she slides to her rear end on the ground, making a definite rustle, loud enough for someone on the other side of the tree to hear.

And hear it he does. Sure enough, Cesar's head appears around a tree quickly, disappearing again just as fast. Olivia catches the movement and trains her gun towards him, grabbing Alex by the arm and hauling her back to her haunches, so that they can both maneuver back around the other side of the tree, closer to the highway and as far as possible away from Cesar.

"I found your little hiding place," he calls out in a sing-song voice, sounding entirely like a lunatic. He throws a cackle in there for good measure. "Why would you hide, Alex? Come on now. Come out and see me."

"Fuck," Alex mutters under her breath and Olivia gives her a reassuring squeeze before popping up quickly and sending off several ear-shattering shots in Cesar's direction. After a moment's pause and a quick glance over her shoulder, Alex sees Elliot and several of his team members looking around for where the shots might be coming from. Perhaps they can see Cesar from their vantage point because they take off running towards him.

But not quickly enough. Cesar returns fire and bullets thud into the bark, five or six quick shots in a row, and while Alex and Olivia are huddled over, taking cover, Cesar stands up and leans around his tree to get a better shot. Alex sees him at the last possible moment, eyes wide and gun pointed directly at Olivia's head. She reaches out, grabs Olivia by the shirt collar and jerks the brunette towards her.

Another explosion of sound followed by a hiss from Olivia is all Alex needs to hear. She wasn't fast enough.

Continuing to the pull the trooper down and behind her, Alex positions her body as best she can in front of Olivia, shielding her from other shots. Alex tightens her grip around the gun she took from Cesar. When Cesar appears, almost dreamlike, from around the tree, he stands up fully and holds his gun directly on her. Time seems to slow down. This is it, she thinks. One of us, or both of us more than likely, is about to die.

She breathes in, feeling every rattle of air fill her lungs and holds the gun out towards him. Cesar's eyes are shining when they make eye contact and both pause; she's unsure if he's going to fire or not, after what she revealed to him earlier in the bathroom. His eyes give away what he's feeling. Uncertainty.

But his hesitation proves to be his undoing.

Squeezing the trigger, Alex watches his eyes widen in surprise and disbelief. The force of her bullet knocks him backwards and he slams back against a tree and slumps down to the ground. Fighting her way to her feet, Alex stands up, still holding the gun out and walks towards him.

Cesar's eyes are closed as she approaches him, and she kicks out with her foot, knocking the gun away from his hand. It scoots across the dusty ground and comes to a halt at the base of a tree several feet away.

Blood from the wound is spreading around his chest and it doesn't look so good for Cesar any more.

"You sick son of a bitch," she whispers, hand squeezing around the gun, ready to fire again and end his miserable life. His eyes flutter open and closed, staring confusedly up at her. "I'm not following your _fucking_ rules anymore."

Footsteps pound towards Alex and she jerks her head up, watching as Elliot and his team secure the area, making sure there are no more cousins around to surprise them. Two of them swoop down upon Cesar, checking him for other weapons and making the call in for an ambulance. But it's probably too late. She lowers her gun and steps back, in a state of shock that it's finally over.

The team of agents in dark blue are close behind, guns drawn and looking disappointed to have barely missed out on all the excitement. But it's not completely over.

Olivia.

Alex turns quickly back to the car, intent on getting to the trooper's side and finding out how badly Cesar's bullet hurt her, but Elliot has beat her to it. The scene is not what she expects to see, but when she thinks about it, it makes sense. Elliot's pissed. No one else is paying attention. They're all focused on securing the scene and directing traffic and making sure backup is on the way.

He looks raving mad, almost as angry and wild as Cesar looked a few minutes before; Alex watches as he steps slowly up to Olivia and raises his gun directly at her head. Alex strains to hear what he's saying quietly to her. But Olivia, struggling for breath and obviously in pain, seems unable to focus and answer him.

"Elliot!" Alex cries out, needing to get his attention so that he doesn't do anything stupid. She moves closer to hear what he's saying. Maybe she can diffuse the situation.

"I trusted you," he mutters and the hand holding his gun shakes with emotion.

"Elliot, wait!" She's closer now, but still unsure if she should reach out and grasp his arm or stay back and talk him down. "Stop."

"Why should I?" Elliot replies, voice raw and unstable. "She's working for them. Look at everything that happened to you because of her!"

"I'm not . . ." Olivia whispers, her eyes glazing over as she struggles for air. "Feds . . ."

Her words are barely discernible, but another voice calls out from behind them.

"Stabler!"

It's one of the guys in blue. A big guy with a bald, shining head, and dark, haunted eyes. Those eyes look like he's seen too many bad things happen.

"What?" Stabler asks, not taking his eyes off Olivia.

"She's with us. Olivia works for us."

He moves his head, unable to believe it. Shaking, hands trembling, muscles squeezing, he holds the gun closer to her, unaware that she's already been under the threat of a gun for the past several hours. "If that's true, why would she bring Cesar back here? If she's really with us, she wouldn't put Alex in danger like that."

They're both shaking now. Olivia's trembling from blood loss and probably in shock and now she's close to death again with Elliot unwilling to believe her. "Had no . . . choice. Your fami . . .ly."

His eyes go wide and Elliot's head swivels back and forth, looking around desperately. "Is she serious? Did Cesar put a hit out on my family? You brought my family into this?"

Fierce gaze boring into Olivia now, it's all she can do to keep her eyes open. The bald man snaps at a blue-coated figure next to him, telling him quietly and quickly to go check on it. It's this that finally convinces Elliot that Olivia might be telling the truth.

Finally his eyes shift, and he glances from Alex to the bald man and back to Olivia. And Alex for one has her suspicions confirmed with that single statement. It's a relief, knowing finally that Olivia had underlying reasons for her dubious behavior. But it's not so much of a relief to know that yet another family is being threatened because of her. It's never-ending, it seems.

"Undercover?"

The man nods, holding out his hands so that Elliot will understand that no one here means him any harm. The Ranger lowers his gun slowly, keeping his eye on Olivia and then holsters it, turning finally to fully face the federal agent. Alex moves quickly to Olivia's side and searches for the bullet wound. Olivia already has a hand on it, close to her armpit on her left shoulder; a few inches farther to the center and there would be a bullet in her heart. Her eyes are closed, but she seems to still be conscious, focusing on breathing and working through the pain.

"Damn it, Cragen. Why didn't you tell me that from the beginning? This entire time I've been working with her?"

Alex watches the exchange take place. These two seem to know each other and some sort of obvious miscommunication has taken place. More than likely, she could have been spared several horrendous experiences if these guys weren't territorial assholes who refused to give up information to one another.

"I would have told you a few minutes ago, but you took off so damn fast I didn't have a chance. We were about to tell you all about it, but then Cesar made his move for Alex and it was too late. It was just bad timing. And there's no service out here."

"Don't I know it . . ." Elliot mutters, running a hand over his short hair. "So the whole time . . ."

Cragen nods as he reaches up to scratch his chin, looking at Olivia thoughtfully. "She's been with us for as long as she's been with Cesar. Scooped her up a few years after she graduated from the academy and figured narcotics was a good place for someone with her skills."

"Quit talking about me . . . like I'm not . . . even here," Olivia wheezes, and Alex for one is simply grateful she's still able to speak.

"Has someone called an ambulance?" Alex asks and one of the other agents nods. Good, she thinks, because the blood is spreading around Olivia's wound, and the added pressure of her shaking hands isn't doing much to stop the flow. She ignores the pain in her own still-injured shoulder, and focuses on helping Olivia.

So that makes two bullet wounds in one night for the trooper. One from the grazing bullet earlier and this direct hit that doesn't seem to be treating Olivia well. She gives Elliot barely a passing glance as he sprints off in the direction of the car, intent on checking that his family is safe. Alex hopes they are. And that Olivia will be too.

"Olivia," Alex leans down from her kneeling position and whispers intently into the brunette's ear, squeezing the wound tighter and ignoring the warmth of the woman's blood seeping through her fingers. Olivia's eyes are still closed, but now her head is slumped over, unsupported. After all that's happened, after the betrayal and the lies and even after all the bullshit, Alex wants nothing more than for the brunette to live. Too many people have been shot and killed or injured on her account. "Stay with me."


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N - hello readers! thanks for all your reviews and support. I really do appreciate it and it keeps me wanting to write more and finish this story for you. I'm publishing this chapter and the next right now and chapter 16 will be ready hopefully tomorrow night. These next two are rough ones, so I hope you stick with me but I won't apologize for the content. _

* * *

**Thursday, June 14**

Alex squirms in the plastic chair, its cushion not soft enough against her bruised legs and still tender backside. The chair is as hard as it's been for the past three or four hours, but it seems for some reason to be getting more and more uncomfortable. She shifts in it one more time, searching for that spot she hasn't yet bruised that might be okay to stay on for five minutes.

And she has been thinking for all the time she's been sitting here, that Olivia sat in this same position a week ago, waiting for Alex to wake up from her surgery. She wonders bitterly if the chairs were as uncomfortable then. Olivia sat here most of the night, watching her rest, studying her bruised face at a moment when Alex couldn't conceal the pain she felt inside and out.

It isn't fair, how much the trooper got to discover about Alex so early on, when much of what Olivia told Alex about herself ended up being false information. Not that she really said much about herself in the first place. Her favorite color, her best childhood memory, what she'd like to eat if given the chance to go out for dinner, what she eats when she cooks for herself at home, her best subject on school, her first kiss. None of these things Alex knows about this woman. And her feelings about wanting to know more are conflicting.

There were countless times that Olivia could have divulged her secret, let Alex in on the charade so that this encounter after everything came out wouldn't have to be so hard. All it would have taken was a little trust from Olivia, just a tiny bit, and they both could have been saved the pain and dramatics of that last pursuit.

Anger flashes again through her veins, hot and coursing. She's angry about almost everything, so angry that several times throughout the early hours of this morning, she thought about simply getting up and leaving, never speaking to Olivia again. Just cutting the trooper out of her life completely for all the things that happened. How much of it could have been prevented? How much of it did Olivia know and simply did nothing to prevent?

But these questions and two other facts kept Alex glued determinedly to the worst chair in America throughout the night. One, that Olivia saved her life. They saved each other's lives, really. And two, Olivia had no one else to wake up to. Just like Alex, the brunette had lost everything to Cesar. Most of her dignity, her family, her ability to trust new people.

And Olivia, although she had lied and kept things from Alex, had stayed at her bedside all night, so Alex grants her the same courtesy. And directly after that, she'll find out what she wants to know and leave. They have no other connection save for Cesar, and now that he's gone, Alex no longer wants memories and reminders of him in her life. She wants more than anything to just move on. And if that means not seeing Olivia anymore, so be it. It all depends on what she says when she wakes up.

But right now all she can feel is anger. And nausea. Shit, not again.

Rising from the chair and rushing to the bathroom, Alex catches the first glimpses of sunlight through the hospital's blinds before she pulls the bathroom door closed behind her. Leaning over and retching into the toilet, Alex tries ineffectively to keep her hair out of the way. It's almost impossible.

She knows what's happened, she's confirmed what's happened, and the way she feels about it is like she feels about Olivia. Conflicted.

How can she not be conflicted about it? It's a part of her now, this bundle of cells, this reminder of what happened over the course of a week with Cesar and his brothers. She'd rip herself open with a knife right now if only she had one. Just to rid herself of Cesar. He's infiltrated himself into every part of her life, and this is one he won't be a part of. Not him, not now, and not like this.

Standing up, Alex flushes the toilet weakly, moving to the sink and rinsing off her hands and mouth the best she can. The bile burns the back of Alex's throat still and she regrets it immediately when she looks up into the mirror. It's like deja vu, staring at the reflection of a woman she hardly knows anymore, a woman shattered and broken and trying desperately to hold the halfway-glued back together pieces in their places.

Alex limps back into the room, staring down at her leg as she struggles again into the awful chair. When the ambulance first brought them in hours ago, they had wheeled a pale and unconscious Olivia away into surgery while Alex was left standing speechless in the waiting room. A nurse pulled her through the ER doors and convinced Alex finally to sit still and let her make sure she was okay.

Alex could only stare at the door while the nurse had worked, waiting for the doctor to come back out and tell her that Olivia had died during surgery. She had just known it was going to happen. That one more person would be dead on her account. But it never happened. The nurse cleaned out her road rash and bandaged her up, checked on her previous healing bullet wound and then sent her to the waiting room after her X-ray came up negative for broken bones. She was just bruised and would be in pain for a while, the nurse told her. But that was a given for Alex.

Finally the doctors did come out of surgery and, being that Olivia had no one else present as her close family, Alex received the news that she was fine. Surgery went well and she would hopefully wake up in a few hours. Alex was permitted to sit in the recovery room with Olivia after some skillful word-sparring with the nurse.

Poking at her bandage now, Alex hisses in pain and contemplates taking the pain medication offered to her earlier that she refused. The pain at that point last night was simply dull and throbbing, but now it burns and aches vibrantly, as if it only just happened.

"Hurts pretty bad, huh?" A raspy voice reaches her ears from the bed, and Alex jerks her head up. Olivia's eyes are open and she's blinking, squeezing her eyes shut every now and again, trying to focus her eyesight.

"You're awake," Alex says quietly, ignoring her pain and scooting the chair closer to the bed.

"Yeah, some noises in the bathroom woke me up," Olivia says, tilting her head slightly at Alex, who says nothing, but looks down at her scratched up hands.

A knock alerts both their attention to the door. There's Elliot, standing with a gift shop 'get well soon' balloon and a paper bag. Smells of hamburgers and fries waft nauseatingly into Alex's nostrils. She's not hungry. Still.

"Good morning," he says and Alex is reminded of how different he sounds now from when she was in the hospital and again when he came to visit them in the hotel. It's as if he's been scarred by life and not everything is well with the world like it was before this case came to a close.

"Morning," Olivia and Alex answer, and Elliot enters the room, placing the balloon on a side table next to the paper bag he brought, probably as a peace offering after holding his gun to Olivia's head. But Alex can't really blame him for that. She might have done the same thing. Betrayal does strange things to people.

"How are you feeling?" Elliot is watching Olivia carefully. She squints an eye, tilting her head to her shoulder. "Pain meds work great. Can't feel a thing."

"I'm guessing they took that bullet out?"

Olivia nods, stares down at her hospital gown. "Yeah. Said it was lodged next to an artery or something. Is your family okay?"

Alex is mildly surprised that Olivia jumps right into the thick of things, no hesitation, but she shouldn't be, she supposes. That's how Olivia has been in the two weeks she's known her. Cut the bullshit and get down to business. Elliot frowns, crosses his arms across his chest and nods.

"They're fine," he says, his voice even. "You know, it's strange. In all my years as a trooper first and now as a Ranger dealing with the cartels a little bit and murderers and all kinds of horrible people, my family hasn't ever been threatened."

"Until I came along," Olivia finishes for him, looking slightly abashed. But Elliot shakes his head. "It's not your fault he came after me too. I'm surprised he didn't try something like that sooner, actually."

He moves to the opposite chair in the room, sitting down and adjusting his tie. "Most law enforcement families live under that sort of threat all the time, especially when dealing with the big criminals with connections. I've just been lucky, that's all."

Olivia gives a half smile, but Alex can see that underneath her facade, she's still stinging from it. From being the cause of Elliot's worries about his family and for having to endure his backlash. "So is this your way of apologizing for putting your gun to my head?"

Elliot shrugs, and it's a tense moment, neither of these are things easily apologized for. "I guess you could say that."

"So what's happening with Marcus now that Cesar is dead?" Alex asks, needed to break the tension, and Elliot swivels his head towards her, taking in her disheveled appearance and bruised-again face.

"Well, thanks to you, we've got Cesar's confession to your parents' murders and your assault on tape, so we can use that in court against Marcus."

"Even though he gave up information on his brother's whereabouts?"

Elliot nods. "Death penalty's off the table for that and for all his information on higher ups in the cartel, but we'll get him for everything else. He'll get life. Almost makes you wish Cesar was alive to face all of his charges in court, doesn't it?"

Staring at him, Alex contemplates her answer. The way she feels inside, she realizes is why she can't go back to prosecuting any time soon.

"No, it doesn't actually," she says firmly. "There's no sentence the court system could have handed out that would give me justice for what happened."

Granted, it's a macabre and archaic way of thinking, but she can't help it. The only way she'd have been satisfied with Cesar living through all of that would be if he had received the death penalty. And even then, he would be alive for some time and able to pull his strings from the inside. Who knows what might have happened, what more hell he could have put her through.

No, the way it happened is for the best, he's gone, never coming back and she made sure of it.

There's a prolonged silence in the room, in which Alex is contemplating what happened and she has no idea what might be going through Elliot and Olivia's heads.

"So do we need to give a statement sometime?" Olivia asks, and Elliot nods, raising his hands up.

"Yes, but there's no rush. I can have someone take it a little later, whenever you both feel up to it."

He looks at Olivia pointedly. "And Cragen wants to talk to you, says you need to be debriefed."

Olivia nods and her expression is strained. He looks around, slaps his hands lightly on both his knees and then stands up.

"Well, I guess I'll let you rest," he tells Olivia and then looks over to Alex. "You need a ride anywhere?"

She holds his eye contact for a while, contemplating it. Other than her appointment later today, she has no good-sounding place to go. The house on the lake is a mess, another crime scene, something she'll have to call her uncle about. And her house is full of bad memories as well, but she doesn't have much of a choice. A free ride to her appointment seems as good of a plan as any, and after that, she'll have to figure out a way to contact her sisters.

"I might. Would you mind sticking around for a while?"

Elliot nods and tells them goodbye and walks down the hallway, leaving them sitting in an uncomfortable silence.

"Where are you going to go after this?" Olivia asks, reading the tumult on her face. Alex shrugs, not really wanting to tell Olivia what's going on and simultaneously needing to spill her guts. It's a strange feeling that Olivia invokes in her and she doesn't know how to explain it.

"I don't know. My house for a while probably. And then I'll try and call my sisters."

"You really didn't know where they were?"

Alex shakes her head. "No. They just took off, set up their lives again without me in it. If they want to stay where they are now, away from me, I don't know what I'll do."

She hates how morose and sad she sounds, but can't seem to help it.

"I'm sure they'll just be happy that everything is okay now."

Eyes lifting to the brunette's face, Alex can see that she doesn't even believe what she's saying. That the thought that everything is okay is utter bullshit. Everything is better, certainly, now that Cesar is gone, but it's not even close to okay.

"I can't believe you're still alive," Alex says suddenly, unaware that the words were forming before they exited her mouth.

"Me neither."

"Olivia, I . . ." She pauses. "I really don't know what to say to you."

Big brown eyes watch her thoughtfully, patiently. "I understand."

Alex is still conflicted. She wants to know everything all at once, and at the same time, she doesn't even want to hear it, afraid of what the truth might actually be.

"I just. . . I want to know . . . I don't know what I want to know."

"The truth?" Olivia asks, and Alex shrugs, nodding her head in agreement.

"Well, it's basically like you heard at your uncle's house, about four years after I graduated from the trooper academy, the Feds contacted me about working for them, undercover with the DEA, which here is called the Criminal Investigations Division. I was on the fence about it, but I caught up with Cesar anyway, he bought my story about being unhappy with the pay and frustrated with feeling alone except for my mother at my department. Stuff like that."

"And there was truth to your story, I'm guessing?"

Olivia nods. "The best stories are the ones with some truth in them. So yeah, I probably wouldn't have stuck with it if not for what happened with my mother." A dark look passes over her face, and Alex feels for her. It's not easy, that's for damn sure.

"You thought she killed herself."

"Yeah. She was on that path. Self-destructive, depressed, she was an alcoholic for as long as I can remember."

"So your mother passed away and then you jumped headlong into it?"

"I did. I wanted. . .no needed, something to focus on, so I told Cragen I'd do whatever I had to do to infiltrate Cesar's part of the cartel."

Alex leans in, listening intently to the next things Olivia says.

"So I doubled-crossed Cesar and pretended to double-cross everyone I was working with. Originally, I was working with a division on the other side of the city, but Cragen had me move to this side of San Antonio to get away from coworkers that knew me too well. And so my cover was being a trooper for this new division while I was actually working for the Criminal Investigations Division."

"And what did Cesar have you do?"

"Small stuff, like information on prominent drug cartel leaders and what the DPS' plans were to slow their movements, letting some of his dealers go by after traffic stops when I knew they were dirty. I even transported drugs in my car several times, letting the Feds know the whole time, of course."

"And Cesar never divulged information about what his plans were for me?"

Olivia shakes her head, eyes earnest as she holds contact with Alex. "Alex, I knew about your connection to Cesar and what he was having you do, transporting and helping get his dealers off the hook, but I swear I didn't know he was planning on kidnapping you and raping you. He told me after your sisters disappeared that he was just going to talk to you, see what had happened."

"You really thought that was all he was going to do? He's fucking crazy, Olivia!" Her voice breaks with emotion and her good hand runs through messy hair. "Didn't you know that? You didn't think that maybe something bad was going on if I had to escape from him on a motorcycle? "

Tears fill Alex's eyes and a shiver runs through her at the memory of what happened all of that week and leading up to the day Olivia pulled her over. If Olivia knew and still pulled her over, Alex doesn't know what she'll do in reaction.

Olivia tries to sit up, wincing painfully at the movement. "Of course I thought that, Alex. I knew it was suspicious, him acting so desperate to get you back. And how badly you were beat up that day. But I tried to help you. That's why I brought the drug dog over, hoping maybe you'd have a trace on that bike or that you'd ask for medical treatment. That's all it would have taken."

Alex shakes her head. It wasn't that simple.

"Yeah, well, maybe you're right. But if I had gone with you, I wouldn't have killed Vicente. And Marcus never would have flipped on Cesar. And I don't regret that for a minute."

Olivia looks into her eyes. "I'm so sorry this happened to you. With everything that happened with your parents and your sisters and then what Cesar did to you, I thought Elliot contacting me to work with the Rangers on your case was the best way I could help you. And I don't know if I ended up doing more harm than good."

Alex watches Olivia closely, decides that she's being truthful and that she really did have Alex's best interests at heart. But she won't sugar coat it for this woman. Not after the lies.

"I don't know either," Alex says quietly. "Because you brought Cesar, inadvertently, purposely or not, back to me and almost got me killed. Again."

Shaking her head, eyes on her hands, Olivia breathes in deeply, or as deeply as she can with a deep shoulder wound. Alex knows what that's like. Hers still aches.

"I know."

"But you had no other choice, right?" Olivia glances up, shakes her head again.

"It was either come see you with Cesar, and hope that Elliot had it all figured out and could reach you before I got there because I didn't have the means to contact Cragen at that point, or sit by and allow Elliot's family to be slaughtered."

"And he would have done it too."

Olivia nods. They both know that all too well.

"So," Olivia starts hesitantly and Alex has a feeling what the next logical direction for their conversation will be. "You've been sick two mornings in a row."

Alex closes her eyes. Of course Olivia would hear her this morning, and she probably would have asked sooner if Elliot hadn't come in. She can only nod in response, unwilling right now to talk freely about it. But Olivia will push, like she tends to do, for information.

"Alex, what stopped him from shooting you at your uncle's house? When you took him back to the bathroom?"

"I, uh . . . I had to do something. Had to lie to him, make up a story. Something. I told him I was carrying his child."

"But you were telling the truth."

Nodding her head yes, Alex takes in a steadying breath. "And he believed me, but not at first. He did rape me for a week straight."

"And in the bathroom . . ."

Alex doesn't meet her eyes. "I took a pregnancy test in front of him. My aunt had several stored away in her drawers and I took one that first morning I threw up. I knew it would be positive."

"And that's the only reason he left you alive. And hesitated later, in the trees."

Nodding, Alex looks up and studies Olivia's face now, looking for signs of contempt, disgust, anything. But all she sees is understanding and acceptance.

"He was happy. Said we'd go to the Bahamas, get away from all this and start a family. It was all I could do not to throw up again in front of him."

"So what are you going to do?"

Alex shrugs, looking for signs of disapproval in Olivia's face, wondering if she can divulge her secret safely. She just doesn't know, doesn't want to know. Doesn't want to risk the negative response. Not from someone who really means so much to her.

A pause grows between them, because Alex is sure that Olivia doesn't know what to say. What can you say? I'm sorry? Congratulations? Hope you have a wonderful and happy pregnancy?

Alex stands up, finished talking and satisfied enough with the answers she's gotten from Olivia. It's still going to take some time, but she knows now that all of this wasn't her fault. This happened because a man went crazy with power and his world started crumbling beneath him.

"Where are you going?" Olivia asks, and Alex pats her leg lightly as she walks around the bed, her first affectionate gesture since their kiss that evening at the lake, besides holding in all that blood in the woods. Olivia watches her hand, brows furrowed.

"I don't know. I'll wander around the hospital for a while. Maybe get this bandage changed again. We'll see. You should rest."

Nodding, Olivia's eyes go from the hand leaving her leg on top of the scratchy hospital blanket up to Alex's face.

"Okay. Come see me again?"

"I will," Alex nods and sends a tight smile towards the brunette before leaving the room.

* * *

As Alex rides the elevator downstairs, intending to wander aimlessly around and look for Elliot, she thinks about what it's going to take to get past all of this. Moving on and getting over something can only come with one thing. Acceptance of the past.

And accept it she does. It's not going to be easy, getting through all she has yet to face, but Alex vows to get better, to try and remember the good things rather than the bad. And Olivia happens to be a part of her past, good and bad. So maybe cutting Olivia out of her life completely isn't the answer, maybe she needs more support than she gives herself credit for.

In the lobby, a voice calls out her name from the door and she turns. It's Elliot, still here. Good, she thinks. Whatever his opinion about it, she needs a ride. And he's here.

"Hey, Elliot. You still up for giving me a ride?"

He looks into her eyes. "Of course. I wanted to make sure you were okay, you know. That you have someplace to go."

"I do have someplace to go as a matter of fact, but I'll need a ride there, and then a ride to my house as well."

"Sure thing," he says earnestly, turning and walking with her towards the door. "Where to?"

She tells him the address and he looks sharply at her. He's Catholic, she knows that by the crosses she's seen on his belongings. Practicing or not, he'll have mixed feelings about this. And it won't be easy to talk about. But she doesn't have her car currently and has no one to drive her home afterwards.

Elliot pushes the door open, holding it for her as she steps out into the sunlit mid-morning.

"You heard everything on the phone, didn't you?" She knows he did, the way he looks at her gives it away. He nods.

"Will you drive me there and then back to my house?"

Pausing over the hood of his car, Elliot stares at her for a few moments, eyes squinting in the sunlight, and then puts his hand lightly on the hot metal. "Yes."

"Thank you," Alex says quietly as he turns the key and the air conditioning starts up, giving them some relief from the heat.

"Don't you have to have a waiting period of some sort?"

Alex nods, impressed at his knowledge, although it makes sense for him to keep up with the most recent news in women's health, having a wife and three daughters.

"24 hours. I called them yesterday when Olivia left the lake house. They'll do one of those 'medically necessary' ultrasounds when I get there, and then . . ."

She trails off, not really wanting to think about the rest of it. Elliot doesn't ask any more questions, he simply maneuvers the car onto the highway towards the clinic.


	15. Chapter 15

**Friday, June 13**

Alex's bed is warm, the blankets welcoming and inviting, her lamp is still on from the previous night, but she ignores it. It's still too soon to sleep with the lights off. Sunlight streams in through the windows, heating her still-sleepy face with its rays. Alex doesn't want to get up. But the day and all she has left to do beckons to her.

She'd gotten over her reservations and stayed at her house, with fresh doors and new locks and brand new security system. But being alone and fresh from such a harrowing experience as was the past two weeks, Alex still had her qualms. But it wasn't bad. Not to mention the fact that she still has no job and not much money left in the bank. Although a call to her uncle helped that. She'd protested weakly at first, claiming that she actually owed him money, for everything that happened at his lake house, and that taking anything from him now would be wrong. But he insisted and simply told her she could pay him back later. It's what family does, he had said over the phone.

They'd be returning soon from their vacation, after hearing from Alex the condensed version about what happened with Cesar. And probably on par with their sorrow about what happened with Alex's parents, they must have been scared for their own safety after her sisters were threatened, afraid surely that they would be next. Now that the threat is gone, Alex assured them yesterday that it was safe to come home. Her entire family, scared away by the cartel. And now it's time for her to make it right with the rest of them.

There's still one more phone call she needs to make. She rolls over, staring at the phone on her bedside table for a moment before sitting up, pushing herself with her good arm to the side of the bed. Her entire body aches. The initial week at Cesar's compound, the bullet wound from her encounter with his brothers, the motorcycle crash, and then to pile on yesterday, Alex marvels that she doesn't feel worse, actually.

But she is alive. And she's thankful for that. Olivia was right about that after all. She might have wanted to die at certain points, but more than that, what she'd really wanted was to start living.

Yesterday at the clinic, after listening to the doctor's mandatory spiel, she'd taken the medication. And just like the doctor warned her, she's had some heavy bleeding, nothing worse than a typical period, and in two days, she'll finish the process herself with the last dose of medication and have everything over with. It was too early to do anything surgical, and she has already set up her appointment for her checkup in three weeks.

It was recommended to her that she go through counseling afterwards, besides the necessary round of questions the doctor was required to ask. She agreed to schedule herself some time for therapy, because god knows she could use it after everything.

But right now, counseling can wait. That's later. Right now, she needs to talk to her sisters. A little nervous about what Mel's response will be, her hand shakes slightly as she reaches for the phone and dials the number. That familiar voice answers on the second ring, concerned, like last time.

"Hey Mel."

"Alex. Everything okay?

"Yes," Alex breathes deeply, because finally, almost everything is really okay. Except for the way she feels torn up inside, everything is okay.

"Okay? So, what's happening? Aren't you not supposed to be calling me?"

Alex smiles. "That didn't stop me before, did it?"

"No, I guess it didn't. Tell me then. What's going on?"

"It's over, Mel."

"It's . . . what do you mean?" Her voice travels through the line confused.

"I mean it's really over. Cesar is dead. One of his brothers is still alive and the other is dead and it's been a huge mess . . ." she pauses again to breathe. "There's so much to tell you."

"I . . . that's . . .wow, Alex."

"Yeah."

"Holy shit."

"Yeah."

"So we can come back?"

Smiling for the first time in what feels like forever, well, since Olivia last made her smile, anyway, Alex nods her head. "Yes. You can come back. I can't wait for you to come back."

"You're sure it's really safe?"

"That's what they told me in my debriefing. Cesar was the head of his cartel, so everyone under him is scattering, looking for a new home basically. There's no longer a threat to us."

"How did he die?" It's a question Alex knows is more loaded than Mel can even dream about, so she decides to save that answer for later. And besides, she's tired for the moment of talking about it.

"I'll tell you all about it when you get back. How long will it take to get packed up?"

"Jeez," Mel says hesitantly. "I didn't realize how soon it would all be over. But the girls hate it here. They miss their friends and school and they'll be happy to come back. Maybe a couple days."

"Good. Call me again later?"

"I will. I'll tell Kate and everybody else right now."

They hang up after saying their goodbyes and Alex stands up, a little woozy still, and heads to the bathroom, ready to face her day. As hard as it's going to be, she has her first counseling session today.

* * *

She pulls the brush through the last few tangles of long hair, grateful for the steam covering the mirror. It's still too painful to look at herself on the mirror. From somewhere outside the bathroom, Alex hears her phone ringing. Leaving the bathroom door wide open, she moves as fast as her bruised body can take her to the bedside table and picks up the ringing phone.

"Hello?"

"Alex, hi." It's Olivia, and she sounds raspy, like she's just woken up.

"Hey. How are you feeling?"

There's a pause over the line, a rustling sound. Probably Olivia sitting up in her bed. "I'm okay. In a little bit of pain. They're taking me off the pain meds slowly."

"I remember. It's a bitch, isn't it?" Alex reflexively reaches up to feel her own bullet wound. It's forming a raised scar over her skin now, still a little tender.

"It is. Listen, I'm released from the hospital a little later today. Would you like to have dinner?"

Cuts right to the chase, Alex thinks. As usual. She smiles, knowing fully that her grin will translate through her tone.

"Asking me out on a date so soon?"

Olivia laughs lightly through the phone. "If you want to call it that, sure. But really, I thought you'd be hungry and I was going to have Elliot but it."

"He does owe you, doesn't he?"

"Eh," Olivia starts. "We sort of owe each other. I did keep him in the dark about the whole situation."

"True," Alex agrees, because she knows what that feels like.

"Okay, so that's a yes?"

Rolling her eyes at Olivia and her ability to wiggle her way under Alex's skin so soon after she finished considering cutting the woman out of her life completely, Alex shakes her head.

"That's a yes. I'll see you later today. Around six?"

"Six is good. See you later."

* * *

Alex closes the door to her car, leaving it in the driveway and locks it. The poor machine hasn't been driven in what seems like forever. It was quite nice actually, being surrounded by the protective metal of a car rather than the dangerous simplicity of an open motorcycle.

She walks inside, unlocks her door, the new key sticks a little bit in the lock and she runs her land lightly over the new frame, the wood is smooth and doesn't match her exterior or interior paint. It reminds her vividly of that day, Vicente and Marcus busting the door down and then the gunfight that ensued. That was something she and the therapist had briefly talked about. They talked about quite a few things in the space of a short hour, and the most difficult by far was speaking about what happened at the clinic the day before.

She knows it's normal to feel all sorts of emotions after enduring something like that, but it's difficult to verbalize her feelings, to let her vulnerability show after keeping everything so bottled up and inside. The therapist asked her to be prepared to talk about her assault in Cesar's compound the next time they met. She's already divulged that information once, and that instance of trusting someone else with such information almost reared back up and bit her in the ass.

Speaking of Olivia, Alex thinks, as she tosses her keys to the table and stares with crossed arms at the piles of papers and files all over her couch and tables, she thinks about what Olivia might be doing at that very moment. She feels guilty for leaving Olivia completely out of her recent plans, but doesn't feel like she had another choice, and that fact that she left the hospital yesterday without really saying goodbye is eating at her.

It's almost six o'clock now, right around when Olivia is supposed to show up for dinner, or with dinner really. Alex has no food in her house still, besides some canned goods and a few things in the pantry and freezer. And she doesn't feel at all like going out in public. Her internal feelings of raw vulnerability are too strong right now for that.

Car doors slamming shut alert her to the window. It's second-nature now, to be wary of all visitors to her house, but when she looks out the window, Alex breathes a sigh of relief. It's Elliot, in his black SUV, walking around the side of his car to help Olivia up Alex's driveway. Alex works to suppress the grin when Olivia swats at the Ranger with her good arm, letting him know that she's perfectly fine to do it by herself. Her injured arm is in a sling, similar to the one Alex had, but she's taken hers off recently, tired of it hindering her movement. He raises both hands in self-defense and backs off, allowing her to limp towards the front door unassisted.

Alex pulls the front door open wide before either of them get a chance to knock or ring her doorbell. Both pairs of eyes widen in surprise and she smiles, stepping aside so they can come in.

"Hey Alex," Elliot says as he follows Olivia into her walkway. She wonders briefly by the way he eyes her and then glances towards the wall where he had to previously pin her out of the way if both of them are reminded of their initial meeting in this very hallway. Fortunately for her, and for both law enforcement officer's eyeballs, she's properly dressed and has groomed her hair recently. In addition, she hasn't yet manhandled them into her house.

"Hey," she replies with a smile as she and Olivia make eye contact for a moment. Alex closes the door behind them and leads them into the kitchen, clearing things away as she goes. "Sorry for the mess. I was just about to do some cleaning before I heard you drive up."

"Don't worry about it," Olivia says, waving her hand. "Elliot insisted we stop at the 'world's best Chinese food place', which turned out to be the 'world's longest line food place'."

Elliot lets out a harumph and furrows his eyebrows comically at Olivia. "You just finished telling me how hungry you were for some noodles."

She grins at him, helping Alex move a few files with her good hand and then sits down at the table. Elliot continues to stand while looking awkwardly between them. Alex can't blame him. If she'd held a gun to her temporary partner's head and threatened to end her life, she'd be standing there awkwardly too. He rubs his hands on his pant legs and breathes in deeply.

"You okay to stay here for a little while, Liv?"

"Leaving so soon?" Alex asks, looking back and forth between Olivia and Elliot. Olivia is slow to make eye contact with him before she nods. Perhaps she hasn't fully forgiven him yet. That's perfect then. There's a forgiveness-resistant triangle between the three of them.

"Yeah, I should get back to the house."

Nodding, Alex smiles at him, understanding that he doesn't want to wear his welcome thin. Besides, there are things she needs to speak with Olivia about one on one. "Okay. Thanks for the food."

"You bet," Elliot says and turns once more to Olivia. "Call me when you need a ride again?"

"Okay," Olivia says, granting him a tight smile. At least he's trying, Alex thinks. She hears the front door open and close and then his car starting outside. Turning her attention back to Olivia, she moves to the table, sitting down across from the brunette and pulling the brown paper bag towards herself.

Inside, there are several cartons of what smells like soy sauce and chilis. Alex isn't incredibly hungry, but it has been a long day and she can't remember the last time she'd actually eaten something. Besides coffee that morning and a bottle of water a few hours ago. Opening a carton, Alex's suspicions are confirmed. She goes for a pair of chopsticks and takes a bite of the noodles, not bothering to get a plate from the cabinet.

Olivia watches for a moment, eyes glued to Alex's face before tearing them away and going for her own carton. In between silent bites, Olivia eyes what Alex is wearing, looking her up and down. "You've been out and about?"

Alex nods, swallowing her food and shrugging her shoulders. "Yes, actually. I had my first counseling session today. Or therapy, psychiatric help. Whatever you want to call it."

Olivia blinks, sets her carton down and holds her gaze on Alex's downcast face. "That's good, Alex. It'll help to talk to someone."

There are quite a few things she could say to that, like 'someone other than you' or 'yeah, someone I can trust', but Alex doesn't want to say something like that. She wants to work towards trusting this woman again, but the roller coaster of revelations recently has got her insides and heart all in a twist. First she's good, then she's bad, then she's good again. It's a big mess.

"I think it will too. I'll go to my next one in a couple of days."

"Good."

"And, other good news," Alex starts, twirling a noodle around aimlessly on her chopstick. "I spoke to my sister on the phone this morning. Before you called me."

"Did you? Are they coming back?"

Alex nods, tries to suppress the smile forming on her lips, but is unsuccessful. What she needs more than anything is a support system. And family, most of the time, is one of the best.

"They are. It'll take a couple days to get all the packing sorted out, but the kids are excited to come home."

"I bet they are. Do you know where they were?"

Shaking her head, Alex looks down at her food. "I didn't ask. I don't even want to know until they're safely back home."

"Just in case?"

"Just in case," Alex confirms. "You can't be too careful nowadays."

"Don't I know it." Olivia smiles, finally pushing away her box and reaching for a paper napkin. She eyes Alex thoughtfully as she wipes her mouth.

"So, will you go back to work? Find something new to do?" Olivia pauses, hesitating a little before she goes for it. "Interested in undercover work for the FBI?"

Alex can't help it. As much as she wants to be guarded with this woman, it's just impossible. She laughs, albeit quietly and into her box of noodles, but it's still a laugh. Her first laugh since they rode on a motorcycle together, feeling the wind through their hair and the thrill of a budding, potential relationship. Or friendship. Or whatever had been brewing between them before all hell broke loose.

"How about we draw the line there, Liv?" The nickname falls easily from her lips. "Let's just say for now that I'm hoping to get back into practicing law."

"Something mundane, like real estate or land and title, sounds perfect for you."

Alex nods, smiling again, because she can't honestly see herself being happy in a job like that. She needs to prosecute, needs to get back in front of a jury and a judge and get her confidence back. Just, not quite yet.

"I thought the same thing," Alex says sarcastically. "But seriously. I think I just need to ease myself back into it."

Nodding, Olivia crinkles her eyes with a half-smile. "That probably is a good idea."

Olivia sits back in her chair, tosses the balled up napkin perfectly into the still-open paper bag. She looks again at Alex. "So you never came to see me again in the hospital."

Glancing down balefully, Alex gathers herself for what's coming up. "I know, I had to take care of something else."

Olivia waits for a moment for her to elaborate and when she doesn't, she says, "You want to talk about it?"

"Did Elliot already tell you?"

Alex thinks for a moment that surely Olivia would have guessed by now, but she looks lost. "Tell me what?"

"I . . . took care of it yesterday."

Staring at her blankly, Olivia shakes her head minutely. There's no way she doesn't know what Alex is talking about. But then again, maybe she really doesn't. Maybe she expected Alex to make the opposite choice. Or maybe she didn't really care one way or the other. "Took care of it? What does that mean?"

"What do you think it means?" The beginnings of tears form in the corner of Alex's eyes. It wasn't easy, going to that clinic with only Elliot at her side and armed with only her pride and her handbag and her delicately constructed armor. The protesters were the worst part. It was something Alex had only read about, had only gotten riled up about from a distance. But this time, she experienced it firsthand.

She didn't realize before that the protesters always have someone there, they don't take a day off, and having to walk through and experience the shame and humiliation of being called what they called her certainly didn't help with the difficult decision she had to make.

"You . . . Really?"

Alex's mouth opens. Eyebrows knit together in a disbelieving glare. She knows deep down that she should have been prepared for a response like this, that not everyone shares her views or can possibly understand what she's been through. But she can't help the anger that bubbles up inside her, because there's no way Olivia knows what it's like.

"I wasn't going to have that monster's child."

There's a short pause, while Alex's eyes bore into Olivia's before the brunette looks down at her hands. "It would have been half yours too," Olivia says quietly, unable to meet Alex's gaze. She really doesn't understand, Alex marvels. She decides to make her understand, one way or another.

"Olivia, he raped me. Forced himself into me and didn't wear protection and . . . god, he _impregnated_ me against my will. I wasn't on any sort of birth control. And it was too late for contraception. Thank god he didn't give me any diseases."

There must be something fascinating about her hands because Olivia hasn't looked into Alex's eyes once since she brought this up. Everything started out so well, but Alex honestly hadn't thought Olivia would react this way. And she wants to know why, hell, maybe she's looking for a fight.

"Why are you reacting like this? Because I already had to have a transvaginal ultrasound and sit through 30 minutes of lecture and about how the fetus inside me has fingernails and a heartbeat, which isn't even true yet ... And I walked through a line of protesters chanting at me that I was a child killer. So go ahead, what do you have to say?"

"I just thought . . I don't know, after the other night . . ."

Alex stands up, unable to sit any longer, ignoring now the scraping of her still sore and scraped leg against her pants as she moves.

"What, after one kiss? After we kissed one time you think that gives you some sort of say in this? News flash. No one gets a say in what happens with my body but me. Just me. I've already had my right to choose, my right to consent taken away by that . . . _monster_, and my right to choose whether or not I want his _filth_ growing inside me is only mine."

Alex is pacing back and forth, gesticulating wildly with her hands, so Olivia leans back in her chair, away from the slew of words coming towards her.

"I'm sorry, I just .. ."

"You're sorry. Well that's because you don't understand. You don't know what this is like. You've never been raped, or pregnant from it I'm sure. You have no idea."

"Alex, I . . ."

She pauses in her rant, eyes boring into Olivia's.

"What?" Alex says in a huff, crossing her arms over her chest. There's something in Olivia's eyes that's just not right and it makes Alex hesitate and actually pause to listen.

"I'm . . . a product of rape. My mother . . . That's why I didn't know my father. That's why my family was so fucked up."

Alex blinks. That isn't what she expected to hear. Especially after learning that Cesar Velez faked Olivia's mother's suicide. What a sick and twisted world they live in.

"Shit," Alex says and runs a hand through her hair. Olivia takes in a breath and closes her eyes briefly before opening them, fixing them on Alex. She leans forward against the table, making sure Alex hears every word.

"So I do understand. And I respect your choice. Sometimes I wonder why my mother didn't make the same choice. She resented me my entire life because I reminded her of what happened. That's why she was depressed and, I thought, suicidal."

"God, Liv. I didn't know that. I'm . . ." But what do you say to something like that? I'm sorry?

Olivia seems to read her mind. Her eyes are truthful and earnest. "You don't have to apologize. It's tough for me to hear that you went through with it, because I wouldn't be here if not for what my mother decided, but I really do understand. Especially right now, and what you had to go through to get this done . . It's not fair. Women shouldn't have to go through that."

Alex runs a hand over her face. "They're trying to make it even more difficult than it already is."

"I know they are. I just wish you'd let me go with you."

Shrugging, Alex looks towards her side wall, eyes falling on a framed picture of her own family, her parents and sisters, from years ago when they all look impossibly happy, and then returns her gaze to the woman in front of her. "I just wanted to get it over with, and I didn't know how you'd react."

"Well, now you know. You can trust me, okay?"

Alex nods. It's going to take a while for her to believe that statement, for Olivia to prove it to her over time, to gain back that dependable first impression Alex had of the woman.

Taking a quick look outside, Alex sees that it's getting dark and begins to clear up their dinner, throwing away the empty cartons and putting the rest neatly in her mostly empty refrigerator. Olivia gets up to help, pushing both chairs in and helping to clear everything away. When it's done, Alex turns to her and although they're five feet apart in her kitchen, it feels like inches and it's suffocatingly close.

"You want to watch TV?"

Olivia smiles lightly and nods. "I'd love to. As uneventful as that sounds, there's nothing more I'd like to do."

"Yeah," Alex agrees as they walk through to the living room. "We could use a little rest and relaxation couldn't we?"

They sit down on opposite sides of the couch, leaving plenty of space between the two of them and Alex searches around for the remote, finally finding it and then looking up at the television. When she sees it, she closes her eyes briefly. Olivia has already seen it and is quietly watching her reaction.

Although there are no remnants of glass or exploded cushions or the busted door or shrapnel on her carpet, there are reminders in the room of what happened in here, and one of them is the gaping hole through the middle of the television.

"Shit," Alex says, tossing the remote aside and running a hand over her face. It's exhausting, seeing little reminders like this everywhere she goes, and especially in her own home, of how low the most recent point in her life had been. And now, because of fucking Cesar and his brothers, they can't even watch an hour's worth of mindless television.

"It's okay," Olivia says, turning to her and smiling. "We can do something else. Play cards or listen to music, or . .. "

"Liv," Alex warns and Olivia immediately quiets down. Alex sits for another moment with her head in her hands before peering up at the anxious-looking brunette.

"I need a new place," she says bluntly, and Olivia smiles at that, nodding in agreement.

"Yes, you do."

Alex groans and looks around at the other reminders of what happened, a definite lack of throw pillows for her paper and laundry studded couch. The crime scene people must have taken those away. There are some small holes in the TV stand and a few scattered around her walls. Things that can be fixed, certainly, but not tasks she wants to face completing.

Alex's eyes go without her asking them to behind her, to where Marcus lay bleeding on her floor, and then into her entryway, where she had shot Vicente point blank. The echoing bang resounds still through her head and she squeezes her eyes shut, willing the images from her mind.

"Alex," Olivia starts, beginning to reach out for her arm, but stopping halfway, remembering that touch might not be welcomed. "It's gonna be okay."

Alex nods, understanding that yes, it will be. But not here. "I really need a new place."

"I'll help you look for something?"

Nodding again, Alex turns back to the front, not really wanting to think about it anymore.

"You want to come back to my place for the night?"

Looking over at the brunette, Alex smiles tightly, wanting to laugh again, but unable to find anymore cheer. "Are you trying to make a pass at me, Olivia?"

Olivia smiles back, shrugs her shoulders and then winces at the pain that causes her injured one. Alex knows what that's like. Almost every breath has to be carefully taken, so as not to upset the delicate balance of pain tolerance with a bullet wound.

"I just don't want you to be uncomfortable."

Alex sighs, looks around and stifles a yawn. It's still early, but it's been a long day for her. "No, I'll be all right for the night here. I made it through last night. It's just, being in here is difficult."

"I understand. Well, then. I'll go ahead and call Elliot to give me a ride back home. Doc says I can't drive with my shoulder like this and on my pain meds."

"Does it hurt pretty badly?" Alex stares at the spot beneath Olivia's shirt that she knows covers the wound, the very wound she held her hands over and tried to stifle all that blood. A wound quite similar to her own. A wound that she thought might take Olivia's life.

"It's tolerable," Olivia says with a head tilt, as close to a shrug as she can get. Making to stand, Alex opens her mouth right away, raising her hand to stop Olivia.

"Wait," she says, and sees the recognition of what she's about to say on Olivia's face. She's heard it before, and Alex isn't too proud to say it again. She's comforted by the woman's presence, it's as simple as that. And as long as Olivia keeps saying yes, she'll keep asking.

"Stay with me tonight?"

"Are you sure?" Olivia smiles.

Alex nods, takes a deep breath. "I don't want to be alone."


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N - I know I've done this sort of thing before and I apologize, but I can't help it with the nightmare and comforting scenes. I feel like it's something that's a given for these two, considering all they've been through, in canon and in this story as well. Anyway, getting close to the end. Still have a couple things left to put in chapter 17, which should be the last chapter. Let me know if you think this story warrants a sequel. If not, no biggie, I should focus on finishing a couple other stories.. :)_

* * *

**Saturday morning early. June 14**

Lying awake in the king sized bed, fully aware of the warm body next to her is more stressful than Olivia thought it would be. She's anxious, worried about moving too much, worried that her breath stinks, worried that she's going to fall asleep and accidentally roll over and inadvertently touch the sleeping woman.

How she managed to land herself in Alex's bed, only two days after shit hit the fan concerning the Velez case, and after Alex found out about her undercover status, and only one day after finding out that Alex was pregnant and then suddenly not pregnant anymore, Olivia has no idea. Granted, nothing has happened between them, and she knows very well that nothing should. But still, she's in Alex Cabot's bed.

Trying to move as little as possible, she turns over on her side, her uninjured side, and thinks about how much better it might be to have stayed in Alex's perfectly normal, perfectly usable guest bedroom.

But that's not what Alex wanted last night. And it seems that what Alex wants, Alex tends to get. Olivia marvels at what the woman must have been like as a child growing up and then a petulant, headstrong teenager. Her parents must have had early grey hairs because of this woman.

She cringes in the dark, her face scrunching up at her unheard, internal faux pas. Alex's parents. Grey hairs or not, they were murdered and Alex is in one hell of a delicate place. And that's why it was so hard to say no to those endearing blue eyes. The ones with dark circles beneath because she hardly sleeps at night. But who can blame her?

And speaking of not sleeping, Olivia leans up on her elbow, craning her neck to see over Alex's still form, she peers at the clock's red, glowing digits and rolls her eyes. Four in the morning. Christ.

But suddenly there's a jerking movement from across the bed and she turns her head, squinting her eyes in the dark to make out what's happening. Alex has flopped over and now that Olivia's eyes have adjusted to the low light, she can see Alex's face. It's contorted, twisting away from some internal stressor.

She jerks back and forth, mumbling at first and then crying out after a moment, like something's after her and she's helpless to stop it.

It's like the lake house all over again, and Olivia again isn't sure what to do. Wake her up and stop the nightmare, or let it continue, hoping it will pass? But judging by Alex's movements, it doesn't look to be getting any better, or anywhere close to passing for that matter.

Olivia decides to try and wake her up, shifting over in the bed towards Alex and trying to figure the best way to do it. Finally making a decision on it, Olivia gently puts her hand on one slender, nearly too thin shoulder.

She squeezes it after making sure it's Alex's good shoulder and leans in, hoping not to shock the woman into consciousness.

"Alex," she whispers, and the blonde doesn't respond, still thrashing.

"_Alex_," louder now, more urgent, and still Alex doesn't wake, instead she seems to get worse momentarily.

"No! No!" Alex cries out, eyebrows completely crumpled and her limbs lash out, one arm making solid contact with Olivia's shoulder, right on the bullet hole. It sends a white hot flash of pain along her arm and down her chest.

"Fuck," she mutters, gritting her teeth and trying to ignore the more than persistent ache, while still trying to focus on getting Alex to wake up.

Finally Alex opens her eyes, bleary and unfocused, blinking several times and looking down at the hand on her shoulder. Her gaze travels from the hand up to Olivia's darkened face and stares into it, uncomprehending.

"You're awake now. it's okay," Olivia says gently. "I'm here."

Still staring at her, looking bewildered, Alex shakes her head a little, clearing out the cobwebs. "It was so real," she mutters, her voice hoarse from sleep.

"What were you dreaming about?" Olivia asks, pulling Alex in to her body, wrapping her arms around the blonde and letting her lay her head along Olivia's good shoulder. She sits up against the headboard, hoping her steady heartbeat will calm the still-scared woman.

They've never been this close before. During their kiss at the lake, their mouths and upper bodies were close together, but this is something different. She's fully aware of the blonde's entire body in contact with her own, but manages to ignore that fact to focus on simply holding and being with Alex when she needs it most.

"My parents," she whispers and Olivia can barely hear her even though the room is silent. "Seeing Cesar kill them, now that I know how . . ." she pauses, breathing in raggedly. Olivia can feel the breath rattle through the blonde's body. She cringes at Alex's words, picturing in her mind what Alex must have seen. "And then my sisters. He got all of them."

"Your sisters are okay, Alex. They're fine."

"I know," she says, trembling. "But it was so real."

"It's okay now. You're okay."

Tears, cooled now by the distance they've fallen down Alex's face, drip onto Olivia's shoulders and chest. She can feel them soaking through her t-shirt but doesn't mind in the slightest. Her words are meant to comfort, but Olivia knows damn good and well that it's not nearly enough.

"I'm not okay," Alex says quietly, letting the tears fall, and Olivia knows that it's true. It will be a while before she's even close to being all right.

* * *

The next morning, Olivia wakes up to an empty bed and a blurry image of a blonde woman moving back and forth from the walk-in closet. She blinks a few times, clearing the sleep from her eyes and focuses on Alex.

"What are you doing?" she croaks. It's early still, maybe six or seven judging by the early morning sunlight and her still groggy mind. Alex turns and looks at her, smiling gently in her direction and Olivia can't help but feel irreversibly happy at how nice it is to wake up to this woman first thing in the morning, even if she is walking back and forth carrying boxes and making too much noise.

"Packing."

Using her good arm to propel herself into a sitting position, Olivia runs a hand through her messy hair, giving it a scratch for good measure and continues to watch.

"Packing? For what?"

After a brief pointed glance, Alex continues carrying things back and forth. "We talked about this yesterday. I'm going to look for a new place."

"Oh, right. You need some help? I'm on leave for a couple days." She uses her head to indicate her injured shoulder. Alex pokes her head out of her closet, shakes her head.

"I've got it. I'll just drive around today, maybe call a realtor."

Olivia takes that to mean that Alex wants to handle this by herself, knowing that Olivia doesn't have anything planned today and doesn't have to work and still doesn't accept her offer to help and accompany. She probably needs her space. It doesn't feel good to Olivia, but it's understandable.

She climbs out of bed, makes her way to the bathroom and uses it quickly, washing her hands and face and wishing she had a toothbrush, but makes do with a quick rinse from Alex's mouthwash.

Back out in Alex's room, Olivia makes the bed quickly, smoothing out the sheets and rumpled pillows and stands, waiting for Alex to reemerge from the next room where she's just deposited another box.

"You think you could give me a ride back to my place?" She tries to keep her face neutral, but it's hard to do when she's already admitted to herself that Alex not accepting her help hurts.

Eyes searching Olivia's face for a brief moment, Alex nods and turns around in a slow circle, searching for her car keys.

The car turns sharply around a corner, its acceleration pulling Olivia to the passenger side door, and she marvels momentarily that she doesn't even care that Alex is sort of a crazy driver. She's too concerned with the other feelings bouncing around in her mind and trampling over her heart.

It feels a little like she's being used. Not in a bad way necessarily, but in a strange, imperfect way. It's nice to be needed, but Olivia wants to be needed for more. Right now, it's like Alex wants her for comfort only, like she doesn't really want to be around Olivia but doesn't have anyone else. Olivia knows she's probably over analyzing things, but is unable to stop the thoughts anyway. And it's not like Olivia to let things sit and simmer between herself and another person, so she addresses it.

"Is something wrong, Alex? Besides the obvious, I mean." She wants to punch herself for blurting out words before really thinking about them and deciding if they're appropriate to say or not, but plows on anyway, hoping she can undo some damage. "Did I do something?"

Alex is shaking her head, gripping the wheel tightly as she maneuvers smoothly around a slow moving car on the loop. She's driving too fast, but Olivia tries to keep her eyes focused on the blonde's expressions instead of the speedometer. Keeping her own eyes on the road, never once looking over at Olivia, Alex speaks with a neutral expression, only briefly allowing her lips to purse in thought.

"I just . . . Liv, I'm sorry, but I need to get away for a while. I'm going to have everything packed and as soon as my sisters get here tomorrow, we're going to go to the coast."

"The coast? Like Galveston?" Olivia asks, gripping the door handle as the car flies into the nearest exit. Alex nods, halfway shrugs her shoulders, turns her blinker off and finally applies the brake. They've pulled up to Olivia's apartment complex, the engine is left idling as Olivia unbuckles her seat belt, thankful for its comforting embrace during that car ride. She hesitates in the seat, turning towards Alex, not wanting to relinquish her time spent with the blonde just yet. Alex puts the car in park but keeps her eyes straight ahead.

"Maybe. It's not too far away, but it's far enough away from here and all of these . . . memories."

Olivia breathes in, head tilting sideways and face twisting in a confused gaze. She wants to be damn sure Alex is leaving for the reasons she says she's leaving.

"Am I putting too much pressure on you?" She gesticulates with her hands between them.  
"Getting too close?"

Alex shakes her head fervently, eyes holding sincerity. "No, of course not. It's everything else.

"This sounds a little like an 'it's not you, it's me' speech. Like you're breaking up with me."

Granting Olivia a sad smile, Alex grips the steering wheel hard, turns her head to stare at her hands. Olivia hoped for a little more of a reaction, but the car remains still and quiet and devoid of any laughter. It's not the time for it anyway. Alex is hurting, and she realizes she needs to be more understanding.

"You're not the issue, Liv. But I do need to get away."

"Okay," Olivia says, reaching over to rest a gentle hand on Alex's wrist, holding her hand there until Alex relinquishes her hold on the steering wheel, turning her hand in Olivia's. Both of their hands are roughened by road rash and misuse, but Olivia can't help but relish in the feeling of soft skin and warm contact. Their fingers twine together and Olivia watches Alex's expression as she eyes their joined hands, also mesmerized by the perfect fit.

She looks up, eyes meeting Olivia's and smiles sadly again. Her expression says it all. What could have been? What could still be?

Olivia gives up her hold, hands breaking apart, and unbuckles her seat belt, reaching for the door handle as Alex watches her go.

"Call me sometime?"

Alex nods, indicating that she will, but for some reason she can't put her finger on, Olivia doubts it.

* * *

A knock sounds on her door that night, catching her completely by surprise. Her apartment looks slightly better after having been away from it for over a week, and she's been cleaning furiously, trying in vain to keep her mind off of a particular blonde woman who refuses to leave her thoughts. She reaches first for her gun, feeling its solid frame beneath her squeezing hand. Moving towards the door, Olivia looks through the peephole, and when she sees who is outside, she doesn't really know what to think. It's certainly not what she expected.

It's Alex. She's got a small bag around one shoulder and is standing with her arms crossed, shifting nervously from foot to foot. Olivia pulls the door open wide, her face showing all kinds of disbelief when she and Alex make eye contact.

"Hey," Alex says quietly, and Olivia smiles widely.

"Come in," she says and steps aside, allowing Alex into her apartment.

"How'd you know which one I was in?"

Alex shrugs, stepping past Olivia and looks all around her entryway, her small living room to the left and kitchen and dining room to the right. It's simply decorated. Tasteful, yet almost bare. Having to uproot one's life and live undercover beneath scrutiny of a drug lord will do that to a person.

"I watched you go in earlier."

"Well, make yourself at home. I was just about to settle in for the night." Alex looks down at her feet, her expression abashed, like she doesn't want to disturb Olivia's evening. Little does she know that she could never do that. She's made my evening, just being here, Olivia thinks.

"Do you mind if I stay for a while? I was by myself at the house and it's just . . .I couldn't . . ." she trails off, flailing for words, and Olivia knows how rare that is. She cuts the blonde off, reaching out and grasping her forearm, squeezing it gently and allowing her hand to trail down to Alex's for a brief moment, like they did earlier that day.

"You can stay as long as you need to," Olivia says firmly, smiling into that apprehensive face. She leads Alex into the apartment and into the kitchen, where she motions over to the barstools. Alex sits, hands shifting nervously on the countertop as she watches Olivia.

"You want tea? Coffee maybe?"

Looking up at the ceiling, Alex thinks about it for a moment, then shrugs. "Tea sounds good. The last thing I need is to stay up all night."

Olivia turns back to the kitchen and sets some water on to boil, keeping herself busy, aware of the blonde's eyes on her back. "You haven't been sleeping very well, have you?"

A sigh comes from behind her and she looks over her shoulder, studying Alex's face. Those dark circles are still there, and if Alex had stayed at her house instead of coming over here, Olivia can't help but wonder how much worse she might have slept. She likes to think she has a positive effect on Alex's sleeping habits, maybe that she's able to comfort the blonde when she has her nightmares. Maybe.

"No. Damned nightmares keep happening."

Olivia nods, leaning against the counter closest to Alex. She crosses her arms over chest. "The therapy should help with that."

"That's what I hear," Alex says morosely, eyes on her hands. Alex looks up at her, and she wants nothing more than to find a way to help Alex right now, to relieve her of all this pressure and swirling thoughts in her head, all these haunting memories that won't leave her alone. Olivia has them too, although they're not nearly as plaguing as Alex's, she's sure. Her own nightmares are rare.

The piping hot water quickly turns a deep mahogany color as the tea steeps, and Olivia reaches across the bar, handing Alex her mug. She takes it and voices her thanks, holding her face close to it, receiving some of its comfort and warmth.

"You're going back to therapy when you get back from your vacation?"

Olivia tries to ask in a gentle voice. It's still a sensitive subject, she knows. Alex nods as she takes her first sip of the hot tea.

"I told the therapist I'd be back and that we could pick up where we left off."

Smirking at the vision of Alex matter-of-factly explaining to the therapist how their sessions would be proceeding, Olivia raises an eyebrow. "Always in charge, aren't you?"

That makes the blonde smile. "Yes I am, thanks very much."

Drinking a bit of her own tea, Olivia hisses quietly. It's a little too hot still and she places it back down on the counter. It's late already, but Olivia finds herself wide awake, typical for whenever she's around Alex. There's something about her, something that makes Olivia a live-wire, aware and tuned-in to every movement the blonde makes.

Olivia's feet begin to ache, standing on the hard kitchen tile while they drink their tea and she'd rather go in to the living room to be more comfortable. The mug is piping hot and she wraps her hands around it, beginning to walk as she gestures towards the next room.

"Would you like to go sit down?"

"Sure," Alex says, taking her tea with her as she follows Olivia into the living room and onto the opposite side of the couch, mirroring their positions from the night before when they watched TV at Alex's house, or tried to.

Olivia flips on her television, leaves the channel where it is, on some nature documentary or another. She's not sure, all she can focus on is the blonde's proximity. And just like that, Alex swivels her head, catching Olivia looking at her and smiles. She doesn't waste any time, simply scoots over closer to the brunette, pressing their upper thighs together and laying her head on Olivia's closest shoulder.

Surprised and pleased, Olivia's thoughts are obscured and jumbled at Alex's even-closer proximity. It's much too close for comfort, but it does feel nice. More than nice.

An hour passes uneventfully, with Alex remaining still on her shoulder and Olivia trying not to shift at all, not wanting to disturb the blonde in any way. They've both placed their empty mugs on the coffee table and burrowed a little farther into the cushions. But soon enough, Alex seems to become dissatisfied with their position and looks up into Olivia's face. As Alex moves again, shifting even closer, she smiles gently, and Olivia's mind reels into overdrive, wondering what could be next.

She knows very well what she wants to happen next, but doesn't know if Alex is ready for it. Hell, Olivia doesn't know if _she's_ ready for it.

But Alex is so close and her face is right there and her lips are inviting and perfect and she's not moving away, and Olivia can't stand it anymore. Throwing her mind's insistence on slowing down and thinking about it out the proverbial window, Olivia thinks, 'to hell with it,' and asks.

"I'd like to kiss you now. Would that be okay?"

A half-smile and twinkling eyes are all she needs as a response. Alex meets her halfway, craning her neck up to connect their lips. And as Olivia loses herself in the softness of those lips, all she can think about is how good Alex tastes. How good she feels. How perfect this is.

If not for everything else happening externally, it really would be perfect.

Alex takes charge, shifting on the couch and placing both hands on the cushions either side of Olivia's body, shifting them both sideways and pushing her back against the armrest. Olivia moves willingly, adjusting their bodies so they both fit lying down the length of the couch. And when Alex shifts herself between Olivia's legs, the brunette thinks she might fall apart from their sheer closeness.

The kiss continues, remaining at a slow simmer as their mouths move together, teasing and gently exploring. A gentle roaring in her ears and butterflies swarming against her belly together send Olivia's mind reeling. It can't be normal, how wonderful this is.

As much as Olivia wants it to go further, to feel more of this woman and explore the rest of her incredible body, to find out what she likes and doesn't like, what makes her fall apart, what makes her tremble and plead for more, she knows tonight is not the night. Probably not anytime soon will be the night.

But she can't resist just a little more of the way Alex tastes before pulling away. The blonde's heavily lidded blue eyes are slightly out of focus when she opens them and looks into Olivia's. She breathes in deeply, adjusting herself a little farther away from Olivia, making accidental contact with the brunette's core. Olivia can't suppress a quiet moan as Alex moves back, resting her head again on Olivia's shoulder.

"That was . . ." Alex starts, and her voice is more than a little raspy; Olivia wills herself to resist the way that sounds.

"Yes it was," she agrees, knowing exactly what Alex was trying to say and running her nails gently over Alex's back. The blonde practically purrs in response, stretched languidly across Olivia's body like an over-sized cat.

Several minutes pass before either of them speak again, each silently aware of the invisible and unspoken barrier between them, that it's too soon for anything more than chaste kissing.

"Look at me," Alex says quietly. Olivia does, gazing up into her eyes, wondering what in the world might be swirling around behind them. "Am I pitiful for coming over here tonight?"

Olivia crumples her eyebrows, frowning at the blonde. "Pitiful? Why would you be pitiful?"

"You've seen me at my absolute worst, Liv. In the hospital, at the lake house . . ." She pauses, trying to keep her mind from lingering too long on those memories. Glancing between them, Alex goes on. "What does this say about what kind of person I am?"

Without waiting for an answer, she goes on. "I'm weak. And you make me feel stronger. Is it bad that I need you?"

Lips squeezed tightly together, Olivia isn't quite sure what to say. She shifts beneath the blonde, her feelings all jumbled at hearing Alex speak those words. That she needs her.

"I don't think it makes you weak. I think you've been hurt and it's normal to seek out comfort."

"You're incredible, do you know that?"

Smiling at the compliment, Olivia feels her face color. "I don't know that. I think I'm a shitty person actually."

Alex frowns, disregarding Olivia's self-deprecation. "No, Olivia. You're not. You're incredible, staying with me like this, trying to protect me through all of this chaos. Why do you keep doing it? I'm not really worth it, you know."

Olivia looks down at her, eyebrow raised, hoping Alex doesn't think she has an ulterior motive. It is hard to explain, how drawn she is to the woman, but it's an attraction that she finds irresistible.

"You are worth it. You're strong and kind and you fight for what you believe in."

Alex stays quiet, probably not believing a word she's saying. Just allows herself to be held and comforted. And the next thing Olivia knows, the blonde is asleep on her chest, breathing steadily. Content to lie in her arms, Olivia relaxes her body, runs her fingers gently again over Alex's back, relishing in their warm contact.

* * *

_A/N - this was a little more lighthearted, don't you think? Sorry for the lack of smut, didn't think it was appropriate for this story. Maybe later? Hope you enjoyed anyway._


	17. Chapter 17

_A/N - hello readers! So sorry it's been forever. I had spring break and then right after that, the busiest week ever. So here's the final installment of Pursuit. I'm thinking seriously about a sequel exploring what happens after this and going more into depth with Alex's and Olivia's previous family life, or my imagined family life for them. Who knows, it could be fun. I hope you enjoy this and thank you so much for sticking with me through this story and if you left a review or followed or favorited, thanks! thanks thanks! Your kind words are so wonderful. Okay, that's enough, back to the story. _

**Saturday, June 28**

Thinking about Alex is becoming frustrating.

What is she doing? Where is she? How was her vacation? All the things Olivia would ask if she had the guts to actually call and find out. But, she argues with herself, communication is a two-way street, and Alex has yet to call her either. Two weeks it's been, and still no phone call, no text, no email. Nothing.

Olivia can't help but worry. Is everything okay? But at the same time, she figures that when Alex is ready to contact her, she will. And it's too soon to be pushy, too soon to ask for too much, to ask for a little more communication. Although, the less patient, less logical part of her brain argues, this lack of any communication at all can't be a good thing. There has to be something wrong.

After that second kiss they shared that night at her apartment, Olivia figured that was the most natural next step their relationship could take. And she had hoped for more. But it hasn't been so. It's been quite the opposite actually. And god that kiss.

It was better than the first, with the butterflies and the soft, perfect lips and the feeling that an entire ocean was crashing down over her ears.

And now nothing. She shakes her head, tries to refocus on what she's doing.

The cursor blinks steadily, maddeningly on the screen, taunting her with its repetitive consistency. Olivia is supposed to be filling out reports and submitting them by lunch today. But it's been a struggle. A frustrated hand rubs roughly over her face and then scratches through her hair. Both hands go above her head, holding them there as she breathes deep, calming breaths. Maybe meditation will help her focus.

In and out. In. and Out.

Her eyes roll up in her head. It's not working. She's too impatient for this shit.

Closing out the program, Olivia vows to finish it later, being a few hours late won't do any harm. And right now, she needs the open road in her car more than anything.

Of course it's bleeding hot outside. As usual and almost into July now, it damn well should be hot. The heat isn't so bad normally, but these summers. God, it's hot in the summer. She slides into her car, doesn't waste time turning the key and giving the air conditioner a chance to kick in. It takes a while, but after a few minutes, cool air blasts her face.

She prepares herself to go on duty, radioing in her information and getting all of her equipment situated. Back to work now for almost a week, her shoulder feels much better, and it's been nice having something to take her mind off of everything else.

Although, getting in car chases and dealing with speeding motorists thoroughly unhappy to see her takes its toll on her patience. It's one thing to deal with this day and in and day out, but when she's got her mind on something else entirely, when she's fixated on something that she just can't seem to let go of, all of this seems like something to fill her time. After the whole ordeal with Velez and her time with the Criminal Investigations Division and the feds and all the people who ended up dying. Her mother included, she thinks with a brief squeeze of her eyes. All of this seems trivial.

Who knows? Maybe it's time for a change of pace, a change of venue. She sighs aloud in the car, pulling out onto the loop towards her usual stretch of highway. She's been cleared for patrol duty again, no longer working with the CID, just another trooper. Without the excitement and need for constant vigilance with her previous job, simply doing one thing now has been a little mundane.

Olivia's mind is floating around on what might be in store for her in the future, she's tapping her hands on the wheel and swiveling her head around, just pulling over to the side of the road, about to park in her normal spot to wait for someone to drive by going too fast. And then when it happens, when that blur passes her, it's bizarre how eerie she feels when she realizes it's a speeding motorcycle flying through her line of sight as she's traveling in the opposite direction.

". . . what the hell?" Olivia mutters as she flips on lights and sirens, looking for that familiar turnaround so she can go the other way and catch up to that dumbass biker. It better not be. Surely it wasn't.

Hesitating just for a moment, she pictures the biker in her mind. Was that blonde hair coming out the back of a helmet? Was that the bike she thought it was?

Surely not.

Accelerating onto the access road and then up onto the highway, Olivia radios in what she's doing and pursues the speeding biker, not completely sure if it's who she thinks it is.

* * *

This weekend, Alex decided to drive her motorcycle down the highway. Fast. Purposely drives by the stretch of road she know Olivia works. Speeds up, weaves in and out of traffic, knowing that's its dangerous, but she loves the adrenaline rush. And she knows, better than anyone, that this dangerous behavior won't get her anywhere good. It could end her up on the side of the road, plastered to a tree, or it could end her up in jail. But it's hard to resist. And she does feel guilty, putting herself at risk after all so many people had done to keep her alive. A little guilty.

That's why she doesn't go as fast as she could. Restraining herself just a bit is okay. It's a concession she's willing to take. Because if she somehow managed to get herself killed on this lonely stretch of highway, Olivia would never forgive her. She grins at that, cheeks puffing up against the helmet as she revs the engine and swerves around another car, zipping right by the overpass.

And when the red and blue lights fill her side mirrors and she can hear the sirens wailing behind her, a chill runs through her body. If it's any other trooper than Olivia, she's screwed. It's a big chance she's taken out here, but it does feel good to go fast. Not as good to slow down and wonder who will be crunching around on the gravel in just a few moments behind dark glasses, a bulletproof vest, and a tan uniform.

If it's not Olivia, she'll probably get hauled into prison for reckless endangerment or something like that and then she'll get to see the trooper anyway. Maybe. All Alex wants is to see her again. And yes, she could have called, and sure she could have gone to visit, but she's been away, been trying to cope and get over everything that happened. Her sisters helped. More than she thought they were ever capable of, they were incredibly understanding and sometimes disbelieving of the things that transpired. And the therapy helped. Is going to continue to help. It's good to talk about it, as much as she'd internalized everything. It's good to talk. And now, back in the city, she's ready to see the trooper again. Her trooper. If this isn't Olivia, she's so screwed.

Alex pulls over to the side of the still dusty highway, leans the weight of the bike on one leg, a leg that aches still from all the shit it's been through. Beatings and a bike crash and running away from a maniac. Jesus. A pair of dark sunglasses are all she can see, and as the trooper steps out she throws the kickstand forward, reaches up and takes her helmet off, knowing the trooper is watching, and her blonde hair falls over her shoulders, blowing gently in the stifling hot wind.

A pair of legs are next, crunching down into the gravel and dusty grass, and Alex is mesmerized then by the appearance of the rest of her body, clad in the tan uniform and walking professionally as always towards her. Alex is craning her neck to watch and is mildly surprised at how unhappy Olivia looks. Or disappointed. It's hard to tell with the hat casting shadows over her face and the glasses hiding her eyes and the clench of her jaw. She pauses just behind the bike.

"Ma'am, would you mind stepping off the bike, please?"

_Ma'am_. Really? She's serious, that's for sure. But past the somber tone, more than that what really gets Alex is that voice. That voice. The faintest hint of an accent. It's almost gone. She must have grown up in the northeastern part of the state, where the drawl isn't as thick. And although her hair is dark and eyes are dark behind the glasses, Alex still isn't sure what her cultural background is. Olivia speaks Spanish, so she must be half-something half something else, and Alex can't help fantasizing what it feels like to have that stern-looking mouth whisper Spanish sweet nothings in her ear. The mouth, she's felt on her own, but what would it be like to feel it in other places?

Olivia reaches up and pulls off those glasses, squinting in the sun. A bead of sweat rolls down her tanned cheek, and Alex watches it drip from her tanned face down onto the beige material. A quick glance farther down grants Alex a look at shiny black boots, straight pressed pants, blue stripe up the side, all the way up those legs for miles. And up farther to a bulky torso, covered for safety by a bulletproof vest. Even with a short sleeved shirt and an air conditioned car, it's still at least 100 degrees out, and with all that equipment on, Christ, she'd be sweating too. Hell, she is sweating.

"Officer," Alex says sweetly, sarcastically, as she swings her leg over the side of the bike, her range of motion much improved since the last time they encountered each other like this. It's a risky move, but she wants to try out her luck. Maybe Olivia's not mad that she's been away. Maybe she understands still and has been patient and realizes that Alex is a jerk for not calling and not texting. Maybe everything is okay. She crunches through the grass to stand next to the trooper. "Having a nice day?"

"It's _Trooper_, and no, Ms. Cabot, it's pretty hot. Not good weather for working crashes. Which is what I'll be doing soon if you don't slow your ass down."

"Was I speeding.?" Alex asks innocently, big blue eyes glinting mischievously because she's still holding out hope that Olivia will break that cold exterior, will cave in and not really be upset with her, because she's been trying, really trying to get better and heal everything that's been broken. But Olivia only nods, not amused. "You were. 95 this time. And I could tack on another charge for reckless driving."

"I was only trying to get your attention," she says, face falling, hoping at least to get a sympathetic response from the austere looking woman. There is none. Unless, there's something. It's a small something, but it's there. The hint of a smirk at the corner of Olivia's mouth.

"You got it. Wait here, I'll be right back."

"Yes ma'am," Alex purrs, shifting her helmet to her other hip as she watches Olivia walk back to her car. It's not as bad as she thought. Olivia doesn't hate her. Thank god.

A few minutes later, she returns with her ticket pad and Alex's license. Wait a second.

"Damn," Alex says, disbelievingly, mouth open. "You're really going to give me a ticket?"

Olivia hands the clipboard to her, now with more than a hint of a lopsided smirk. "I am. Until you start driving safely, or at least get yourself a vehicle with walls around you, I'll be looking to write tickets for you for a long time."

A pause, and then a red-pink tongue eases out to licks her lips, despite the fact they're already a little parched from the sun, probably enjoying Alex's eyes watching their every movement. She can't help herself, they look good enough to eat.

"And besides, you haven't called me."

Alex grimaces and glances down momentarily, looking abashed and then halfway shrugs her shoulders. It could be worse. She's not as mad as she should be and Alex is so thankful. "I wasn't ready."

"I understand," Olivia says gently. "But you're still getting the ticket."

Alex rolls her eyes, grasping the pen and shaking her head. "Fine. Where do I sign?"

"Right here. And remember, this signature says... "

"I know, I know. That I agree to show up at ..."

Alex trails off, knowing that she still needs to show up to court for her previous ticket, or at least have a judge give her a deferred adjudication.

Already back into practicing law, Alex is bored almost to tears with the mundane work she's been assigned; granted, her bosses were thrilled to have her on, a professional, knowledgeable hard worker who knows the law forwards and backwards. But it's not prosecuting, and she's been itching for some action, itching to get up in front of a jury and put some bad people away, to redeem herself, basically.

But the closest she's been able to come to that feeling is riding this motorcycle. Her uncle let her have it, after he'd done some minor repairs from the crash, of course. She picked it up from him yesterday and just got back into town. And how Alex just happened to be driving too fast by this one stretch of road, it's a mystery . .

She scribbles her name, sighing and hands the clipboard back to the trooper, squinting up through the sunlight at her. Olivia's watching her closely, lips in a thin line.

"Have you been okay?"

Blue eyes meet brown for a long moment before she nods, so grateful for Olivia and her gentleness. She's been gentle since the beginning. "Better, yes. You were right about the therapy. It's helped. And my sisters are getting resettled too. Having them back makes all the difference."

"Good," Olivia says with a tight smile. She puts her glasses back on and glances out to the highway at the cars and trucks whooshing by. Alex watches her, taking the opportunity to look the brunette up and down while she's not paying attention. But Olivia turns, feeling eyes and catches Alex in the act, unable to suppress her smile.

"You need to get back to work," Alex says sternly, covering for herself. "There are speeding motorists out here that need to be punished."

Olivia nods, smiling outright now and turns back to her car, pausing for just a moment.

"I'll see you, Alex. And would you quit driving so fast, please?"

Shrugging, Alex steps back up to her bike and brushes an imaginary piece of dust from the handlebar.

"Every time I get myself into trouble, my knight in shining armor comes to rescue me. So why would I slow down now?"

Olivia shakes her head, the hat barely keeping out the sun's draining heat. Alex knows good and well that Olivia is fully aware of how little she needs a knight in shining armor. Just someone to cuddle with, that's what she needs. Mostly. Maybe for other things as well. Maybe soon. Olivia walks back to her car and opens the door before looking once more at the blonde perched now on the bike.

"If you wanted to see me so badly, you could have just called. I'd rather pick you up at your house than off the road in a bloody mess."

Alex laughs derisively, aware that several times, that certainly could have been the case, and puts the helmet on her head. All she cares about is that Olivia isn't mad, and that they're okay. That they'll be okay. That she really does need to stop driving so fast.

"Expect a phone call then, _Trooper_ _Benson_." She drawls out the last two words and then turns, kick starting the bike, peeling out in front of the car and zooming off at a marginally safer speed back east and away from the setting sun.


End file.
